Well this is a fine how do you do! The ten of coins! Wheeeeee! The coins represent wealth or something. And so the ten of coins represents the most wealth, due to it being the biggest number people knew about during tarot times. You're about to come into so much money that you'll be able to afford a penny farthing bicycle. What luck! Soon you'll be riding around town with a look on your face li...
2023-07-10 10:00:05 +0000 UTC
View Post
aka [Elton John voice] "Step Into Questions"
aka "Red Nose at Night, Jokers' Delight!"
In which we answer questions from both you, the listeners, and we, the talkerers.
If you're looking for things to celebrate besides America today, consider that on this day in 1886, the Canadian ...
2023-07-04 12:00:05 +0000 UTC
View Post
Wheel! Of! Fortune! "Round and round it goes, where it stops, none are aware!" is how the phrase might go in a world where rhyming is outlawed, probably to discourage rap. Luckily we live in no such world and are free to enter The 36 Chambers whenever the spirit moves us. This card reminds us that no matter how well things may be going for us, nothing lasts forever. Sort of an annoying card tbh...
2023-07-03 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
Oh no!! Oh shit! You're going to die!!!!! Ah!!! Fuck!!! Don't talk to me or you'll get your curse all over me!!!! Fuck! No! No!!!!! FUCK! Lots of tarots use Death to signify change or rebirth or some horseshit but here at Rude Tales we have a little something called "respect for the dictionary." The death card means death. And buddy? You're about to bite it. That sucks so bad for you unless you...
2023-06-26 11:00:02 +0000 UTC
View Post
"One day all will blacken and burn. Just as the Two-Headed Basilisks have predicted. The world is dying, time is short."
Today we're playing MÖRK BORG: "A doom metal album of a game - Rules light, heavy everything else." Featuring Christopher Hastings, Joe Lepore and Tim Platt.
Edited and sound designed by Kodiak Sanders with help from Taylor Moor...
2023-06-21 10:00:09 +0000 UTC
View Post
Ali and Joe, the "Cordelia and Bellow" of our friend group, talk Gliding Men, NPCS, and — of course — macros! It's time to pump some audio, beefcakes!!! 💪
2023-06-20 10:00:06 +0000 UTC
View Post
"YOU GOT THE PAGE OF SWORDS! THIS CARD IS ALL ABOUT ENERGY, PASSION, AND ENTHUSIASM! AT LEAST ACCORDING TO BIDDYTAROT.COM, THE TOP GOOGLE SEARCH RESULT FOR TAROT CARD MEANINGS FOR WHATEVER REASON! THE SITE SEEMS FINE I GUESS. EASY ENOUGH TO NAVIGATE. BUT TOP GOOGLE SEARCH RESULT GOOD? I DUNNO. MAYBE THE MAIN GUY FROM BIDDYTAROT.COM SAW A GOOGLE GUY HIT A KID WITH HIS CAR AND AGREED NOT TO TELL ...
2023-06-19 11:00:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
You've become separated from your party. You are lost and disoriented. You swear you used to know how to navigate by the stars but the stars here are different... wrong. They won't seem to stay put. Some of them are bizarre new stars you've never seen and some are your old friends, copied and pasted to far corners of the night sky. Is it just your mind playing tricks on you ever since the fresh...
2023-06-12 11:00:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
Branson, Carly, and Chris talk up a STORM because it was STORMING when I (guess!) edited the audio! Listen to their answers to your questions about Episode 60 of Rude Tales of Magic!
2023-06-06 10:00:04 +0000 UTC
View Post
I don't know shit about tarot but just judging from how this one looks it seems like something really fucked up is about to happen to you.
2023-06-05 11:00:04 +0000 UTC
View Post
In this Rude Tales rewind, we (you) follow Hot Roddy and Stirfry as they venture through the sands of The Switchblades to find water for the crew. Via the incredible art of conversation, both discover their shared interest in Color, Heaven, Rocks, and Drugs.
Starring Branson Reese and Tim Platt imo.
Produced by Tim Platt imo.
2023-05-31 09:00:01 +0000 UTC
View Post
here is the linko: https://youtube.com/live/AisI_0odeHA?feature=share
Starts at 8! I may be on a little earlier to warm up!
2023-05-29 22:37:28 +0000 UTC
View Post
*The blare of a foghorn. The peak of its boom diminishes into the echo of itself. Barely a beat of silence until…applause; the polite applause of sailors who “really like” how this one sounds but still think the first foghorn you showed them makes more sense price-wise.*
*The “what the- hey!” of a middle aged ogre as a seagull snatches a mozzarella stick out of his ...
2023-05-29 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
The Chats Are Back in Town for this incredible episode of Rude Talks of Chatting. We talk about the ep and maybe the power of love, I think.
2023-05-23 09:00:02 +0000 UTC
View Post
Tim Platt sings some of the songs of Rude Tales of Magic!
One week from today on Monday 29th at 8pm ET, Tim (me?) will live STREAM an intimate acoustic concert to you, the patrons. This concert will feature songs like
Scrum Fabulous
Ding Dong (Goes The Bell)
Pubic’s Theme
The Ballad of Davo
and possibly a few more unfinished/outside canon tunes. Tim (me!) w...
2023-05-22 21:15:57 +0000 UTC
View Post
An empty throne.
An adviser approaches, hands cupped as if about to receive the sacrament. Within those cupped hands rests the crown.
The advisor, kneeling, lowers the crown onto the seat but then, because banana, trips and slams their head onto the palmette. The momentum propels their chest onto the crown which spikes through bone to impale the heart. Beca...
2023-05-22 10:00:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
"We must imagine the Hanged Man happy," wrote the student, "because foot blood is a hallucinogen. The Hanged Man is basically pouring that good foot blood juice into his brain so he's probably percieving reality with a lot more clarity than you, Professor Upledger, who can't even see that your own f-ing child fucking hates Arcana. You can't force me to take y...
2023-05-15 12:00:05 +0000 UTC
View Post
Hey rude heads! If you follow us on socials you might have seen we made a “some news” announcement yesterday and we’re here to say, the rumors we started are true!! Rude Tales of Magic is joining Headgum, a podcast network that fucks!
What does this mean for you, dear ones? You’ll still get access to your favorite podcast (bats eyelashes) on all your favorite podcast players...
2023-05-12 19:27:24 +0000 UTC
View Post
Chris and Tim meet up before seeing the movie Renfield (2023), see the movie Renfield (2023), and then talk about the movie Renfield (2023).
2023-05-11 12:00:03 +0000 UTC
View Post
Uh oh! You got The Devil! That's traditionally considered one of the worst dudes. Only Satanists and Penn Jilette like getting this card. Look, there's probably like twenty devils in Cordelia but for Rude Tarot of Magic the role of The Devil will be played by BRIAN FUCK. And hey look, it's the chained up skeletons of Prolapse and Goatse. Imagine trying to explain Rude Tales to a friend and this...
2023-05-08 13:23:48 +0000 UTC
View Post
Dear Friends & Enemies,
Hello! We know you may have been wondering what’s going on in the world of Rude Tales of Magic. We’d wonder too! There haven’t been any episodes since February 26th. We have good news to report on that front!
Rude Tales is resuming regular programming in May. Our next episodes are locked and loaded, and we have some bonus treats ready to go too! We...
2023-04-30 20:02:40 +0000 UTC
View Post
On one sleepless night in the James Woods, Albee (Rude Tales of Magic) and Stirfry (Succession) realize that they BOTH love the Cordelian band Coldplay!
This midnight meeting of the minds explores two characters' perspective on music, love, friendship, and more.
Produced by Tim Platt (Banjo-Kazooie ON ICE)
2023-03-31 18:27:31 +0000 UTC
View Post
Now THAT'S what I call Talkin Bouts!!! The Boys* gather round an old micyphone and talk about stuff like "what if you were the last person earth?" "What if you had superpowers?" "How would you handle the Three Wishes from a Genie issue?" You know all the weird fantasies everyone has even though they have no possible way of coming true, like thinking about winning the lottery even though you don...
2023-03-16 20:12:51 +0000 UTC
View Post
Hey There, you Saints and Sinners, you Felines and Felons-
Lately, we've been meeting two types of people:
- Brand new Patrons wondering how to find all the great stuff that's on here!
- Long-time Patrons suffering from severe memory loss!
Whichever one you are, we're here to help! Check out this list of some of our favorite patreon episodes, what we...
2023-03-14 18:28:12 +0000 UTC
View Post
Yah, we're talking about the ep! The ep with the revelations! My bad, the SECOND ep with the revelations! Jeez louise you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it would make me feel better if you were!
Chris mentions a book about con artists and heeeeeeere it is: 2023-03-06 11:06:01 +0000 UTC
View Post
Please forgive the promo but I have invented a powerful game where live comedians pretend to fight each other. It is THIS Sunday at the Brooklyn Comedy Collective at 7pm.
You can get Tix here: https://www.brooklyncc.com/show-schedule/tim-platt-fighting-live/3-5
2023-02-28 14:39:30 +0000 UTC
View Post
Joe (Bellow) & Tim (Davo) talk about the brand new Spinulator Class invented by Rude Tales of Magic. The whole module can be bought here: https://www.driveth...
2023-02-08 13:00:04 +0000 UTC
View Post
What is a sandwich? What isn't a sandwich? Am I a sandwich? Yes.
Join Carly and Ali as they have a frank¹ conversation about the nature of one of life's most intimate foods: the sandwich.
And we'll cut to the chase: THIS IS PART ONE OF A SERIES ON SANDWICHES! Ali and Carly are going to follow up their freshman film 2023-01-30 21:00:02 +0000 UTC
View Post
We're talking about "Revelations" — previously famous for being the most twisted book of The Bible, now famous for being the most recent episode of Rude Tales of Magic! And with that, the loop of time is closed forever. Enjoy! :)
2023-01-24 20:22:42 +0000 UTC
View Post
Traveler! You're still up? Oh yes, yes I see, a strange and complicated day you've had. Come on then, pull on your coat. Put your feet on the path. And I shall bring you what you most desperately seek…
sleep.
Narrated by Ali | Art & sound design by Tim
2023-01-18 23:48:23 +0000 UTC
View Post
