[Editor's Note: I promise, the freaky-deeky mask will make sense by the end of this essay. If it's simply silly, which is my intent, I hope it gives you a chuckle. If, however, it's giving you... mixed feelings... my apologies. Consider it... my contribution to any Halloween spookiness you might be in for this weekend. Still kinda funny, though. Hope the fact that I'm wearing my "Dayum, Boi...
2021-10-29 21:29:20 +0000 UTC View Post
Well, Jacqueline. But her friends call her Jackie. She’s 24 years old, and lives just outside of Tampa, Florida. The year is 2031, by the way.
A pretty normal gal, actually, our Jackie. Went to school at USF (Go Bulls!), and now, works at a small, boutique marketing firm. She definitely works more hours than she’s paid for, but on the weekends, she gives herself a bit of leeway....
2021-10-28 05:22:24 +0000 UTC View Post
There's your chips, play them as you like; smoke 'em if you got 'em; roll dem bones, do what you can with what you got; in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound, all that lovely stuff.
I know, I know. You’ve probably seen this one before.
But this is one of the very few images from IG - a remnant of The Great Deletion - that I really liked. So, I wanted to preserve it.
Are any of us ic...
2021-10-17 05:03:23 +0000 UTC View Post
This is the picture I was planning on posting. It had just been taken, the sun was bright in my eyes, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us. It was a heavenly day in a wonderful place, with an exquisite person. Nothing can take that away; the rest of this saga is pretty incidental in comparison.
Anyhoo. I opened the Instagram, and poof, it was gone.
I’m not a fame...
2021-10-01 07:06:25 +0000 UTC View Post
At that blippy point in life
when you’re tipsy enough in the day
that the big, big sky
is still as blue as a peacock’s fart,
and the eyeball floaters,
that you swear were caused by all the hangover headaches from a while, while back,
start dancing around,
and there are still hours, and hours, and hours
before the sunset starts
to ...
2021-10-01 00:50:48 +0000 UTC View Post
(Good God, what a lovely piece from @AldoInHeaven. I think the conversation included: “The lines are just gorgeous, the sweeping shapes, there’s an almost frenetic energy to it but it’s so demure at the same time.” and “It’s like, it’s filled with punctuation marks. The large brimmed, sweeping hat, the hint of lips… and the bewbs!!! 🤪 And especially, as the viewe...
2021-10-01 00:31:53 +0000 UTC View Post
Oh, Haiii.
My two favorite movies, unironically, are “Casablanca,” and “The Room.” (The latter is on in the background, right now, as I’m writing this.)
I think it was the film critic of the Los Angeles Times? He remarked once that his job is to watch movies. So he watches every movie once. If he needs to, he’ll watch a movie a second time. And if he really likes it, he...
2021-09-14 13:35:21 +0000 UTC View Post
Hey, long-time Patreon people! Remember, how like, a couple of years ago, I was on this huge ham kick? That’s the thing about Spain, man. These guys know their fucking ham.
It’s one of the most charming fixtures of every grocery store that I walk into. These are places not tremendously different from the middle sized supermarkets I would go to growing up in the States. But one thing I...
2021-09-11 23:20:56 +0000 UTC View Post
That’s how many steps they say there are, but once you break about 150, you tend to lose count. And the last thing you want to do is start over, so you just take their word for it.
I actually am kinda weirded out by heights. I’m not going to freeze in place and be inconsolable; I just get that weird tickling shooting up through my body that makes me wanna step back from the edge. Les...
2021-09-08 03:06:09 +0000 UTC View Post
After a not-inconsiderable amount of cajoling, something rarer than a Sasquatch in a G-string: a smiley pic.
If you’ve been around for a while, you’ll know that my tastes tend to veer toward what I call “the demure:” essentially, my way of justifying a default facial expression that (I feel) falls in the same box as ‘sultry’ or ‘approachably aloof.’ Or, as has been assert...
2021-09-07 05:27:08 +0000 UTC View Post
The streets are pretty quiet here anyway, in this cute old city. Yeah, the tourists flood during the daytime. Can’t go to the grocery without someone on a loudspeaker talking through about how Carlos I did this or that. Big history of scandal here, which I like.
But at 4:00 a.m.? Pfft. You can hear a pin drop. It’s a nice, alley-lined place to wander with your thoughts. I think I’l...
2021-09-04 04:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post
Or loooose yoooou... to a summer love...
###
Hope not. I’ve been on what the Enlightened call a Sabbatical (notice the cult-like use of capitalization!). Wheeee!!!
Those of you who keep close tabs can see the white space between the lines. Those of you who are new to the “Heather Crew” (A demonym I just...
2021-09-01 05:09:28 +0000 UTC View Post
Rest In Peace, haircut that I’ve had since literally my Late 20s.
After all the years I’ve spent living in Europe, one must remember that I was, in fact, in the middle of nowhere. And a big chunk of that was spent in quarantine when… Who the fuck of us was actually thinking about our hair in the first place?
I dread the impending conversation with the stylist who I, willfully,...
2021-08-30 03:30:42 +0000 UTC View Post
Mars and Venus (a little in-joke for Astrid there — she'll probably correct me on my subpar knowledge of astrology). Anyway, the difference between gents and dames, guys and dolls. Yeah, in short, I would say that pretty-much everyone treats you a little differently when a part of you enters the room a few seconds before the rest of you does. Certainly differently than I remember being treate...
2021-08-26 04:44:26 +0000 UTC View Post
Life keeps getting in the way. And I’ve got a bit to catch y’all up on, believe me, I know...
Suffice it to say, this has been a good night. The right mix of substances. A little rebelliousness. The kind of battery-recharging evening that clarifies.
It occurs to me that a few of you have been straggling along because a part of you is just a bit curious about me and Astrid. Tha...
2021-08-25 06:52:51 +0000 UTC View Post
I’ve been working with Aldo. @aldoinheaven on IG. Here, to check him out on the Patreon. Nicest guy. Bright palette, a yearning to tackle demure subjects... We’ve been collaborating on a series of vignettes — posted one earlier today, matter a’ fact.
I write the story, and he nails a visual of that story. ...
2021-08-24 04:47:29 +0000 UTC View Post
Idealized? Yeah. But I love it. Makes me look more graceful. Thanks to @mt.kaonashi (you can visit him on IG)— he’a responsible for this lovely work, and to him I say, Thank You.
To follow up on the Instagram post… This sketch from @deuterusdeus on IG. Uncropped, because it’s friendlier here for nipples and the like. Good to keep it around for posterity, right? Anyway, I like it. ☺️
(Yeah, I'm a bit of a space geek. I know the billionaires are shitty with their dick rockets, but I'm actually super thrilled about the day in the not-too-distant future when humans set foot on the surface of Mars. We are a nomadic species, and it's a destiny fulfillment kinda thing. Hunters and foragers, the open road still softly calls, and all that good stuff. Illustration for this littl...
2021-08-23 19:00:07 +0000 UTC View Post
Just sharing a moment of appreciation to you, dear subscriber. I was going through some ollllld comments from back in the day. The so-many day mark of not posting anything, and figuring out that it’s a nice thing to get something in the mailbox for your lovely contributions. I’ve got some cool content in store for the next coupl’a days that I think you’ll really dig. Part two on the Ast...
2021-08-11 04:18:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Just a late afternoon journal pondering, concluding at the same time as the beer did. Kismet. Apologies in advance for my wahmp-wahmp cursive.
Hoy, y mañana, y siempre...
"...in La Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing"
2021-08-03 22:15:32 +0000 UTC View Post
“These gyozas are kinda like a vagina. A complex flavor that’s unexpectedly salty with marine overtures, a little scary, but wonderfully entertaining to eat, overall.” — Heather, munching on one of the first meals she hasn’t cooked herself in, like, 18 months.
2021-07-23 19:14:24 +0000 UTC View Post
Everyone gets everything they want. I wanted an adventure; for my sins, they gave me one.
I can't remember the year, exactly. It was when I was about 10, so it was sometime in that Golden Age of local broadcast journalism, long before the days when the oddities of the medium were chronicled on platforms like Youtube.
It was summertime, so peak season for an amusement ...
2021-07-22 15:29:10 +0000 UTC View Post
When you get to be a certain age that some would describe as old-ish, there are certain privileges that come along with it. At some point, you kinda realize that you can serve as a sage voice of wisdom (or something). I have no idea where this role comes along... the older I've gotten, the more familiar I've become with the creeping suspicion that, no matter how many years pass by, nobody reall...
2021-07-19 17:07:09 +0000 UTC View Post
First impression: I just found my new favorite food.
Essentially, it’s a combination of dill pickles and olives. Olives are wonderful. Especially when you don’t have to deal with those fucking pits. Pickles, meanwhile, are also awesome. They have a salty brininess that goes well with the delightful, fishy vagina flavor that olives so often have.
So, I stumbled across a jar of th...
2021-07-18 12:16:11 +0000 UTC View Post
For dinner tonight. Bacon and eggs are upstairs already, and the rest of my carbonara is on point.
Molto. Mutherfuckin’. Bene.
2021-07-15 20:06:16 +0000 UTC View Post
So, it turns out that SOMEONE, despite all her mystical wisdom and insight into the universe, has just as much of a 13-year-old’s brain as I do. Thanks, Astrid, for introducing me to an old standard Spanish bar trick. 😘
2021-07-14 17:14:21 +0000 UTC View Post
A little duo of questions that I hear from time to time. The first is one I've spent my fair share of time considering myself, especially during those instances when my bank account is a little less than agreeable: "Aren't bras expensive? How the hell do you even find them?"
(In case you're wondering, here are two options that I forgot to mention: Ewa Michalak, out of Poland, does A...
2021-07-14 13:18:50 +0000 UTC View Post
How do you meet someone new?
If you’re like me, a somewhat-insular, hermit-minded gal with no shortage of filters, defense mechanisms, and a (well-earned) capacity for (non-cynical) mistrust of intention… it’s not always easy.
And how does a homebody like this meet someone, say, in the last 16 months? With lockdowns, provincial border closures, and a generally heightened sense...
2021-07-12 18:22:24 +0000 UTC View Post