Coconut

Sometimes I worry I’m just lazy, classic imposter syndrome about having mental health issues; the many, many times before now where I’ve tried to just “stop being ill” all backfiring isn’t quite enough evidence to fully convince me but occasionally I find myself doing something so odd that it’s hard to do much else than laugh at how genuinely dysfunctional I am.

Today’s example, I was sitting at my table trying to build myself up to get some work done. “Just open the laptop and DO IT” I ordered myself over and over yet the laptop remained closed and the work un-done. Instead I found myself holding a coconut. I don’t really like coconut, I don’t know why I had it, it was probably Tech-boy’s special treat coconut or something and he’ll probably be annoyed at me for eating it… oops. Anyway, I got my pairing knife and I started to shave the coconut. I found it quite pleasant, the rough hair peeled away satisfyingly to leave the remarkably smooth and nice feeling bare shell. Then I scored a line around the middle and started carving into it, “I wonder if I can get the shell off and keep the inside in tact” I wondered to myself as I dug through the hard shell. It was tricky, the shell was all smooth and round now, difficult to grip with my little hands but I had a mission, I was determined and I pushed forwards.

It was slow going. I had to be careful not to go too deep and puncture the soft coconut innards; In my mind’s eye I saw myself as some kind of butcher, the coconut as some kind of unfortunately armoured animal; it had evolved to be impervious to predators, yet in the face of a tool using brain it’s protection became a prison condemning it to a slow and torturous fate at the tip of my blade. “I’m sorry” I whispered, to invested to give up now. I felt bad, I concidered just smashing the coconut with a hammer and putting it out of it’s misery-

Then I remembered that it was coconut and not a sentient creature and I’m just insane.

I did go get a hacksaw though, which was a lot quicker. With a little grip and twist the top of the shell poped off and I was surprised at how gross the inside looked, it was like a wrinkly leather elephant testicle. Yuk

I tried to get the bottom half of the shell off but sadly the inside broke in half and I snapped out of my weird little trance; sat by the still closed laptop and covered in coconut, I contemplated the nature of my existence.

Then I made it into a little bowl with some rope and string then got Tech-boy to put a plant in it. It’s pretty cool I think, almost makes up for all the work I didn’t do.