The Expert

An anonymous Patron commission

 

“Excuse me young man, I’m looking for assistance do you work here? Excellent, I need your advice on something and you look like just the right person to ask. I’m unsure which diapers to get for my little boy there just seem to be so many choices. Huggies, Pampers or Luvs seem to be the dominant ones on the shelf which would you recommend? What do you mean ‘how should I know?’ This is your job you’re supposed to be able to answer me or at least direct me to someone else who does. Besides, you yourself look like you’re barely out of diapers. So you best help me or I will be speaking with your manager and telling them how rude you were. You still can’t answer me? Fine, be like that I’ll just buy a case each of the three. Then this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to pull a diaper out of each one and you’re going to try each one on for me so I can see how they look. You’re worried someone will see you? Fine… just take my hand and we’ll go into one of the dressing rooms and I can change you in there. Nah-ah no back talking young man you’ve already wasted enough of my time just relax and come with me.

See, there’s plenty of room in here just lie down and well get your first diaper on. Here move your hands I’ll take these big boy pants off for you. Oh wow look how small that thing is, are you sure you’re not supposed to still be in diapers? Anyway let’s get this on you; this first one is the Huggies. Awww, don’t you look precious, you’re being so bashful. Ok that looked wonderful now let’s try the Pampers next. Nope, you leave that one on I want to get an idea of how far these can all stretch. You look so adorable with this one on the designs are very cute! I bet you can’t even feel your little guy through all that padding anymore. Last but not least we have the Luvs for the third layer on your little tushie. You have to admit it the Barney motif seems appropriate for you, just wonderful! Alright, I think I’ve seen enough I’ll be buying all three cases. 

I hope you’ve learned your lesson young man, now you can help any mommy who comes in and asks for your help. But you still need to be punished so I will be keeping those underpants of yours; those diapers are much more suited to you. Don’t just think you can take these off as soon as I leave either, I’ve been videotaping with my phone and I’ll be sure to show it around to the other mums that shop here if you do. This is my phone number; as soon as you finish for the day I want you to send me a photo still in your diapers, no taking them off until I say so. Enjoy the rest of your day little boy!”

“Hey there, I finally found you. My name is Tabitha; I’ve been specifically looking all over the store for you. It’s unrelated to the store let me explain, I’m working on my senior thesis for my psychology degree. My focus is on infantilism and the possible therapeutic applications it could have. What does this have to do with you? Well from what I’ve heard you’re the local diaper expert. Why do you look so embarrassed, I thought you knew that’s what everyone called you? The video Mrs. Singer took with you trying on the diapers went quite viral on our local Facebook group for mothers. She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone about it? I’m really sorry but everyone knows about it, I really didn’t mean to embarrass you. But that doesn’t change what I said; I would really like your help with my thesis project. You seem to know a lot about diapers and maybe other baby stuff too; unfortunately it’s hard to find people who openly admit to that kind of stuff so it narrows my options. 

All the mothers have been raving about you though, I mean it’s thanks to them that you’re getting more hours. Since that video all the mothers have been coming to you for advice and you’ve been learning more and more about the baby products you sell here it’s become a big help. It was only fair they all put in a good word with your manager. Now your job is to only work in the baby section, I bet you don’t really mind about that though. I’m prepared to offer you a thousand dollars if you help me by the way, it should only take a couple of weeks and I’m happy to work around your schedule. You’ll do it? YES! Thank you this is fantastic news, oh… you want a different reward? I mean, I can’t really afford to give you more money sorry. You don’t want money… you want to go out on a date with me? I guess that would be ok,  it’s actually kind of sweet how you would rather take a chance and go on a date with me then take the money. If things go really well, you won’t have to worry about telling me you have a baby dick either since I’ve already seen it. Just relax I’m only teasing you; besides, depending how the date goes it might not stay that small for long.”

“Come on in, thanks for meeting with me today. My name is Stacey I’m marketing director at Diaper Designs LLC, we’re an offshoot of the main company just trading under a different name. Our baby section has been so popular at your store that we decided to rebrand into two separate companies and open up our first baby product focused store. Normally we don’t push so hard to meet employees like this but you’ve become somewhat of a star employee for the company. We’ve received tonnes of emails and phone calls of praise and positive reviews from parents in regards to your knowledge with anything infantile. Unfortunately the videos of you having your diapers changed and another more recent one of you being breast fed has come to our attention. While you can argue that this more ‘hands on’ approach has been very successful it is still inappropriate and we can’t condone it.

So the bad news first, you’re fired effective immediately but there is good news. Your little escapades made us put in a tonne of research and we now realize the demand for infantile products for adults. We have also read Mrs Tabitha Black’s thesis and other work. She is regarded as somewhat of a prodigy in the field of therapeutic psychology, as I am sure you are well aware since we’ve also heard you are now dating. So we propositioned here as a hire for our new ABDL division offering her a very generous sum which she has graciously accepted. So where do you fit into all of this you might be wondering. Well I’m sure you can imagine that with an adult focussed store there are different rules meaning we can have someone your age demonstrating these products. You will be working for lack of a better word, product tester. We already have a wide range of diapers, clothes and other infantile paraphernalia. We’ll be showing off everything on our new company Instagram profile so you will also be paid as an influencer. 

The choice is obviously up to you but from what I’ve heard you definitely seem to be interested in all of this stuff. Plus you are technically unemployed at the moment so this works out perfect for you. Once you’ve signed you will have enough diapers and other baby gear to last forever! Your mommy starts this Monday I’m sure she will be very happy with your decision to join. Mommy is actually her official job title here, I’m sure that doesn’t bother you though. I just need your signature here… here… and here. Excellent, thanks for joining I’m sure you will love working here!”