Kevin Coughlin

THE SINGLE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT OF MY LIFE - I MADE IT THRU TROLL 2

Added 2025-01-26 22:29:04 +0000 UTC

Troll 2 (1990) is that legendary trainwreck so epically terrible it loops around to being entertaining—if your idea of “entertaining” is watching sincerity go head-to-head with abysmal filmmaking. The title promises trolls, but you get goblins—GOBLINS spelled backward is NILBOG, a clever twist that’s about as subtle as a brick in the face. The plot? A family vacation to a town full of shape-shifting vegetarian goblins who want to turn humans into plant goo and eat them. Because logic apparently took a holiday during production.

Every performance in Troll 2 feels like a community theater audition gone very, very wrong. Characters stare blankly into the middle distance, delivering lines with all the passion of someone reading a grocery list—if their grocery list included “poison bologna sandwiches” and “chunky hot milk.” The “special effects” look like someone raided a Halloween store’s clearance bin, and the script only makes sense if you consider “making sense” an optional extra.

Yet, somehow, you can’t look away. It’s the cinematic equivalent of rubbernecking at a fender-bender, but the fender-bender is wearing goblin masks made of old dish sponges. The film tries to be horror, but the only horrifying thing is that it exists. And that’s exactly why it’s amazing. If you ever find yourself wondering, “Could this movie possibly get any worse?”—congratulations, you’ve just summed up the entire viewing experience of Troll 2. In short, it’s awful, nonsensical, and the perfect watch if you want to feel better about literally every other movie you’ve ever seen. Enjoy at your own risk.