Onta and his future here with you on Patreon

Hello fans, supporters, loved ones, well wishers. I would like to take this moment to thank you for sticking around through thick and thin. As my previous update may have suggested there have been some rough times in the past and things have gradually improved. To those who have always wanted to see me do well and improve, your wishes are being granted as I have found my direction and desires for myself, Onta, and Patreon in general.

Let's discuss Patreon, the model and how it affects artists.

It is no secret that Patreon can be both a blessing or a curse, depending on who uses it, when and for how long. Patreon is a business model that puts a timeline on creation and can exacerbate any issues an artist may have dealing with deadlines or in my case, ADHD and other neurodivergent issues. You lump self-doubt, anxiety, and other little mental monsters in the pile and you have this sort of mess it can become for others and has been for me.

For quite some time now.

I would say easily since 2016 I have found it extremely difficult to engage on online social platforms of all kinds, including this one. And the truth is, as you know if you have been here long enough, that neglect is the name of the game when it comes to Onta and what he has to offer here, and frankly in general. I've had many discussions with some artists, friends, therapists about this. I don't particularly feel it's too important to go into details about all the nitty-gritty of my "life experience", but I feel it is important for me to come here and express myself clearly and stop hiding from my fans, whatever good or bad they have to say.

I've lived too long under the shadow of doubt, anxiety, fear, self-hatred and I am very confidently over those kinds of emotions now and ready to confront the challenges of life as a public figure and artist, asking for your well-deserved hard-earned money. I need to hold up my part of the bargain.

But here's the thing... and this is where I would like to invoke Patreon's name as a matter of importance to the integrity of this message. Patreon is not a good way to build things as an artist, it is only a good way to create stability for the artist. It is clear to anyone who would know the weight my name carries in the fandom, and when you compare the number of supporters versus the impact, there seems to be a disconnect. But in truth this is just a reflection of my behavior and ability to perform under the yoke of Patreon.

Or, I should say, was.

I'm writing this now because I would actually like to use Patreon more intimately with you. I believe this is a truer facet of my being than art ever was. I know my art and storytelling, though well-timed as far as its impact within the zeitgeist, had importance and weight that I was able to communicate in a special way with you and many others. And I would like to return to that earnestly, that genuine, tangible feeling, maybe expose myself in a way, allow myself to be vulnerable from time to time with you.

Because all this hiding I've done... from you, from people in my life, from myself... has left me a singular person, with no roots, no attachments, no connections. As I float around from moment to moment, it is clear how I've wrongly approached my life. And though this part of me has always existed inside, I've always been careful to never expose it.

But I would like to do that now. With you. So let's talk about what I am looking forward to doing genuinely.

***

Well hello there, you TLDR'ed didn't you? Well then, here is the more important thing to explain, and this will connect with you if you are impatient.

In the past few weeks, I've allowed fans of my initial comics - long-time fans, the kinds that have impacted their lives greatly, comic artists, trans people, regular ol' folks - to really impart on me how my creations have impacted them - all for the better, and all deeply gracious.

This may shock you but I've never really given myself the credit I deserved for those special works I've made. It is easy to gloss over them or dismiss them outright that the erotic elements of those comics could discredit its message. But as I've come to understand, regardless of sexuality or even to its credit, those stories were handled and written in a way - intentionally so at the time as I made them - to provide a safe experience, a comfort to those feelings about sexuality, one's gender, how one presents themselves and how one feels about how they look.

After some time and after exposing myself to these truths and lived experiences, I've had to accept that my works have enriched the lives of others. I've allowed myself to be convinced of my worth as an artist and creator.

And after heavy convincing, I have teamed up with Brandon Graham whom you may or may not know as a longtime friend, comic creator, and person responsible for putting my art on the cover of Island 6, published by Image Comics. So we are in good hands here as far as both comic creator and cheerleading goes.

So I would like to announce and express my interest in starting a comic - which would be 6 issues. The ultimate goal would be to have it printed and published on store shelves, if possible. This is an important statement because it ties into how Patreon fits into all this; as I've discussed this project with Brandon, it is clear that releasing a comic in the method that makes most sense with Patreon - which is a drip feed of micro updates - goes against my process and how I made this all happen for myself back in the day. The truth is, I need to build this up in blocks and release it in blocks of completed books, with the ultimate goal of publishing and not simply releasing into the content soup that the internet has become.

I say all this because I would like Patreon to become my platform to discuss this process with you on making this comic, in an unfiltered and earnest way. I am no longer interested or willing to build a facade to present to fans; that has never been who I am.

So, I would like to offer the following to you as my subscriber now and will be reflected on the front end within the month:

I would like to tell you how this feels, to make this comic. I would like to share ideas, discussions, and thoughts about this process. I would like to show drawings and vent my frustrations. I would like to transport you back to 2008 when I first made "Cross Platform" and share how that felt for me, and have you beside me as I attempt to communicate those old feelings in contrast to these new feelings as I pick up the pen and invoke the emotions and feelings I had captured back in the day.

So with all of that said, I would like to share the outline of the story I will be making with Brandon with you now. I hope you will enjoy it as it deeply resonates with me, and so I hope it will with you and anyone else who picks it up.

Here is the brief outline of the story. Spoiler warning, of course, so if you don't want to ruin the story for yourself, perhaps you can skip this part!

***

Issue 1: Marty, an architect, plans a birthday party and invites old friends. Taylor responds quickly and they set a lunch date to catch up, despite Taylor being in a relationship. They reminisce about good times but when Jesse is mentioned, Marty changes the subject.

ISSUE 2 - Jesse is working at the customer service counter at Staples, absentmindedly flicking through his phone. He sees an invitation to a birthday party but has yet to respond. Lost in daydreams of the past, he recalls personal moments with Marty. As if by coincidence, Marty walks by the store and Jesse excitedly flags him down. Unfortunately, Marty is nowhere to be found. The rain starts pouring and Jesse's manager calls for him to return inside. Before he does, he accepts the invitation on his phone. It always seems to rain on Marty's birthday. Jesse opens his umbrella, but it's immediately blown out of his hand and hits Mu in the face. Embarrassed, they walk back to work together and catch up before going their separate ways. Mu admits he still uses a flip phone, which is why he hadn't seen the invitation yet. Marty is overjoyed by the news.

Issue 3: The weekend arrives and they all meet up at the Marina Boardwalk with some awkwardness between Jesse and Marty. They catch up as a group but Mu and Taylor leave for their significant others. Left alone, Jesse suggests leaving but Marty holds onto him. They take a walk in silence and stop at a bridge covered in love locks where Marty makes a joke. Jesse kisses him and Marty initially stiffens before melting into the kiss.

Issue 4: Flashes of alcohol, sex, lovemaking, laughter and climax. Marty wakes up when Jesse's phone call with his girlfriend turns into an argument. Jesse has to leave. Marty sighs as Jesse goes quiet again. He leaves without a sound. 6 months pass, Marty struggles through the heat of summer. A string of meaningless and unsatisfying dates leaves him exhausted. His friend Mu suggests he take a long-awaited vacation and stay at his parents' summer house. Jesse has been camping out there for a while and Taylor said Marty could join them. Hesitant at first, Marty eventually agrees.

Issue 5: Jesse has been lazy, eating Doritos and smoking joints. The tension between them resurfaces but quickly dissipates again. Marty is more guarded this time, not wanting to let his walls down easily. It becomes apparent that Mu and Taylor have been engaging in sexual activities in the house. To his surprise, Marty learns that Jesse has also been exploring homosexual experiences, even going as far as performing oral sex on another man. Despite feeling ashamed and confused by his own arousal at the thought, Marty suggests they take a walk to cool off their pent-up desires and maintain civility for now. Taylor and Jesse go off to do reckless teenage things while Mu and Marty have a mature conversation about how they've grown apart from each other over the years. Marty can't help but feel like he's the only one who has matured while his friends remain the same carefree individuals they were in their youth. Mu comforts him and suggests they just enjoy this weekend for what it is instead of overanalyzing everything. Eventually, Marty relents as Jesse and Taylor excitedly show off a giant crab they found.

Issue 6: Marty wakes up unable to sleep, so he walks by Mu's room where he sees Taylor sleeping over. He heads to the beach where he finds Jesse smoking weed. Everything feels like a dream to Marty, as if he could still be dreaming. Jesse is quiet but not guarded this time. Frustrated with feeling like he can't be himself around his friends anymore, Marty walks barefoot in the wet sand. Jesse makes a joke at his expense, a gentle jab. This moment of vulnerability prompts Marty to open up and talk about their past relationships and why he needed more from Jesse. He even mentions the kiss they shared 6 months ago. Jesse interrupts him with a broken sentence before deflating. Enraged and confused, Marty straddles him aggressively, demanding answers. They both confess that they can't seem to get each other out of their heads after 10 years apart, regardless of how their relationship may look on the outside. They want to be together, no matter how unconventional or different it may seem. In a passionate moment, Marty and Jesse have sex on the sandy beach. Afterward, Jesse professes his love for Marty and insists he's ready to commit fully to their relationship because nothing else has ever mattered as much. Marty agrees.

***

Thank you so much for reading this far, I really appreciate you indulging my needs and desires. Though it may not seem like it, you are all greatly appreciated for weathering the worst moments of my life and carrying me through to the other side with your financial assistance. You have my utmost thanks!

Sincerely, Onta.