Eliza's bargain
Added 2024-05-25 14:34:08 +0000 UTCA new week and a new story. This time, we return to Eliza and her third adventure, which is directly linked to the first. In fact, it's Eliza's first victim who's making a comeback, or rather a second comeback, as she appeared in the new demoness's awakening, who had seen her^^? In any case, I hope you enjoy reading ^^.
Comments
as you want, but you risk to be surprised by my bad english ^^'
Valéria Balga
2024-12-16 11:14:52 +0000 UTCHi again, Sorry to bother you about "Eliza's Bargain" once again. I found your improvements and updated my downloaded pages. I still feel it's my duty to let you know what text issues remain and what I think should be changed. After your updates, there is not much left to change. PAGE 18 : it now says "Shot, not now..." -> 'Shot' should be 'Shit' PAGE 19 : guy in white and grey shirt with the green speech bubble - 'look' is misspelled as 'loos' -> "Hey loos who is here." This should be "Hey, look who is here." PAGE 21 : guy in the black shirt with the yellow speech bubble - 'it' should be 'he'-> Now it reads "Or maybe it was waiting for us to start.", better is "Or maybe he was waiting for us to start." If you want I can help you update more text issues with other (older) stories as well, I would like nothing more than to make these stories even better than they already are. You make intriguing graphic stories about transformation which I really like. Kind Regards, Eddie
Eddie
2024-12-16 09:10:47 +0000 UTCthanks for you tips, english is not my natural language and i use some tool like Deepl or googlefor the traduction but it seem it is not perfect. I will do the change and if french appears, that mean one thing... I forgot to translate^^'
Valéria Balga
2024-12-15 17:15:26 +0000 UTCHey there, Although "Eliza's Bargain" is not your current story, I offer you some improvements on the text. I just rejoined and found some reading of this story difficult. I have taken the liberty to improve the speech. Here are all the things I found. PAGE 18, Alexis speech bubble is not in English but in French -> "Merde non pas maintenant...". I think it means "Shit, not now" PAGE 19, green speech bubble 'look' is misspelled as 'loos' -> "Hey loos who is here." This should be "Hey look who is here." PAGE 21, yellow speech bubble - 'it' should be 'he'-> "Or maybe it was waiting for us to start." Better is "Or maybe he was waiting for us to start." PAGE 26, caption top left corner - plural misspelling -> "Two hour later", this should be "Two hours later." PAGE 48, Kimia speech bubble -> "Do n't spoil it, so what have you got planned for tonight?" The word 'don't' is cut off and split over 2 lines. Change it like this "Do not spoil it, so what have you got planned for tonight?" PAGE 56, Kimia speech bubble -> "You have make the good choice.", change this to "You've made the right choice." PAGE 57, Alexis speech bubble -> "As soon as I've paid for the meal, I come.", change this to "First, let me pay for the meal. Then we go." PAGE 63, first Kimia speech bubble -> "th e entrance hall to ...a private club.", the word the is split up. Change to this "the entrance hall to ...a private club." PAGE 64, second Kimia speech bubble -> "I did it on purpose, no one ever thinks of checking a storeroom like you say. It's up to you to open this door if you want me to keep my promise.", change the first part to this "Well, that's the idea. No one will ever think of checking a storeroom like you say. Now, it's up to you to open this door, if you want me to keep my promise." PAGE 74, second Alexis speech bubble -> "Thanks, I really need it." Change this to "Thanks, I could use some." PAGE 90, first Eliza speech bubble -> "Well, Cutie Boy, explain yourself, but be careful, if you've lied to me my wrath will be terrible. I'm capable of something worse than Freddy Krueger." This is a present tense/past tense misspelling, change it to this "Well, Cutie Boy, explain yourself, but be careful, if you lie to me my wrath will be terrible. I'm capable of being more frightening than Freddy Krueger." PAGE 95, first Eliza speech bubble -> "You've understood very well, it's either that or leave as you are.", change it to this "You've heard me! It's either that or leave as you are." PAGE 99, first Alexis speech bubble -> "Why did you cal this normal, help me to get..." the word 'call' is misspelled, change it to this "Why did you call this normal, help me to get..." PAGE 100, Alexis speech bubble -> "You read mind?" change it to "You are a mind reader?" PAGE 103, top left caption -> 'In the same time in real world', change it to this 'Meanwhile, in the real world' PAGE 106, first Mei speech bubble -> "Thanks Sasha, she's the one who told me about your plan.", remove the 's' from 'thanks' like this "Thank Sasha, she's the one who told me about your plan." PAGE 114, first Akane speech bubble -> "Here i am..." make a capital letter of 'i', like this "Here I am..." PAGE 114, second Akane speech bubble -> "...Thanks, but isn't that a bit too daring for a first outing?", change it to this "...Thanks, but isn't that a bit too daring for a first night out?" PAGE 117, second Akane speech bubble -> "Yes, but... I never dared do it, as if something was holding me back. Until I met you, Kimia.", add 'to' after 'dared' like this "Yes, but... I never dared to do it, as if something was holding me back. Until I met you, Kimia." PAGE 118, third Akane speech bubble -> "I have to bring him 50 men. including the three leaders of the brotherhood..." I suppose Akane is referring to Eliza. Then the sentence should be "I have to bring her 50 men. Including the three leaders of the brotherhood..." PAGE 124, first Kimia speech bubble -> "I have every confidence in Mei, then at worst we'll have a great evening.", change it to this "I have faith in Mei. If it doesnt work out then at least we'll have a great evening." PAGE 124, 'A Suivre' on the bottom, Is that French for 'To Be Continued'? I would change that too.
Eddie
2024-12-15 16:21:47 +0000 UTC
