Whole Goddamn Chicken (WGC)

Y’all know what time it is, WGC time. Of course! Because who among you  claim to never have eyed the juicy broilers on the grill spear - or whatever the hell it's called - twisting, turning and enticing you to order? 

And in your mind there’s a voice saying fuck it, let’s go! Call it a 500 kcal meal and relax a bit! What’s the big deal? 

And the other voice responds in its usual bitchy high-pitched voice, 'but we don’t know how many calories it is in there, forget about it! So you do or you don’t, and in the end something goes awry anyway. Whether the chicken played a role is up for debate, but whether you can eat it guilt-free on TLM isn’t. 

I know because I ate a whole goddamn chicken every day for God knows how long. I took this exact plan for a test drive myself and concluded it was a walk in the park. But only after digging in and getting to the bottom of things.  

Based on my metrics, I came pretty damn close. I  figured out  what a large rotisserie chicken contains, calorically, so that I could make it a diet staple. 

Why? Because it's lovely, that's why, and I haven't eaten a boring meal since I got my head right a decade ago. You've read the tale. I watched and partook in everything else these other losers sang the praise of - tuna, rice, dry matter and other unedible elements for years until I said hold on, what the fuck is going on? And from there on out, I've been eating whatever I want for the most part. (1) 

The reason I make it work is because I take time to think things through and do the math. Anything else is unacceptable, regardless if I'm dieting or bulking, and while that's a hard rule to have, it's easy to implement. (2)

WGC: Calories and Macros

I'll spare you the grim details of how I actually arrived at the value used in these plans, but in this case - and it's a unique one, granted, the trick is to find a reference point and scale everything accordingly. 

Why? Because chickens are genetically engineered/bred and therefore rather homogenous in size and body composition. My reference point in the meal plans below are 600 g white meat which was what my WGC contained. In simpler terms, if your chicken contains 450 g white meat, you cut calories and macros by a quarter. 

Then there’s the eating part. What's eaten? Everything including the skin (wings, drumsticks) - except for skin on the top covering the breast. The large flap you can lift off if it's grilled right. 

And since I'm a schtickler for accuracy, I’ll try to swing by the deli to “haffa en kyckling” later this week, double-check my values and maybe show those sick enough to ask how much skin I’m removing. 

Those wondering why I’m kicking off the TLM-exclusives with a somewhat obscure meal plan, the answer’s twofold. 

Any idiot can whip together a plan with the usual shit you’ve seen before and those are always made for people who don't have better things to do than obsess over macros and calories. Everyone should go through that phase, sure, if just to learn to count and measure.

But then we should move the fuck on and be grown-ups. That means doing things in spite of our circumstances and not looking for every out just because it's within grabbing distance. 

Can't cook? You can still diet. In my case, I'd just eat two whole chickens and be at a deficit. You just don't like the discomfort and that shit is your fault. 

So cut the shit and get started. This is one example for those who are too busy to cook a meal once a day. I left the cauliflower in there because I used to throw it in the pan while eating the chicken and then soak up juices with the...bouquets? Damn. What a phony note to end on.

Rest

Training

Summary

The TML-exclusive meal plans won’t be ideal, perfect or to everyone’s liking. That’s what you have the book for. With these plans, I want to show real life examples of how you can make shit work under less than perfect circumstances, say if you don’t have time to cook, or are in a spot where you don’t have the energy for it. I’ve been lucky to eat one cooked meal a day for the last months, so I know those circumstances exist. 

I also know that some people are straight up lazy and have grubby fingers, so if you don’t like the insecurity of eating out then practice ‘till ýou get the hang of it. That said, if you want seconds after a WGC and a pound of veggies, you’re something else. It's helluva satiating, especially the white and dense meat. 

But personally, I prefer the dark meat and juicy thighs. And when you’re tired of the predictable and ready to take a walk on the wild side of eating out - maybe that will be your magic bullet?

---

Alright, guys. It’s 07.22 AM and bed time. Neen working round the clock since that day I watched 3 Preacher episodes. I feel like there’s no end to the work, but at the same time, I’m really glad to see the impact and effect my book has had on people. 

Just wish I had a second to take a break and enjoy it all. Which I do when I take a breather and read a nice review that hits home. That lets me know you got the message and that water still seeks its own level. 

I’m doing everything I can to stay on schedule and take care of the book business and TLM-exclusives; and so are my handful of  assistants including Teddy. So be patient and excuse any delays. 

Footnotes

1. Which in practical terms means that I'll go through months eating the same shit, but that's how I roll. Before the WGC phase, there was a fruit phase, then cottage cheese and omelettes, etc. 

2. I've talked about soft and hard rules before haven't I? Note to self - check tomorrow, in one of the Q&As.

P.S. In April, when hot food was still a thing, I wanted WGC all day, every day. And when things cool down and this book business sorted out, I’ll be making my rounds to the deli again. So hide your chickens, because I’m coming for them. And this time, I’ll be bulking. Hard.