Behind-the-Song: Vampires pt.3

GUYS. I was genuinely so scared about putting this into a song 🙈

You may have noticed from the first two song breakdowns for this one, that while the concept of the song was always feeling drained by the type of work I do and feeling like I need to do/give more, but not being able to, etc. etc., it was never explicit. I am usually pretty intentional about my lyrics, and try to make sure that I am communicating what I want to be.

But for this song, because I didn't want the CommunityUnmuted to feel bad for my negative feelings and stress that was ultimately pretty natural and nobody's fault, I had intentionally been leaving it more ambiguous...until this verse. Because once I wrote it, nothing else could have possibly fit it better. It needed to say what I wanted it to say eventually... 🫣

I've been selling the taste, yeah / Cause I gotta survive / I'm commodified, have another bite

Hilariously, last night I was reminded that previously in my streaming career, I had someone essentially refer to me as a music prostitute; I am selling myself through music...or something like that 😅 Which I thought was the most insane take, particularly because they approached me with a lot of entitlement to my time and energy and skills. They wanted me to learn specific songs and I think also write one for them simply because I am a musician, so I should be willing to do anything related to music for money, right...?

BUT while I do still think that person had the same level of audacity that I have for expecting my joints to function as they were meant to (it was hard to think of something that wouldn't be offensive 😂🫣), I do sometimes feel like I am selling myself. Obviously I'm not selling my body and I am in fact in no way a prostitute; I also am not actively soliciting my services for money. But being a streamer for a living does feel like selling myself, in a way.

I am a saleswoman, and the thing I am trying to sell is me. I give my time and energy and developed skills to strangers. I put my personality on display and perform and offer a form of connection and hope that enough people will pay me something. That enough people will "buy" that service.

This line was essentially me outright saying, "I am streaming because I feel that I have no other viable option to pay the bills, and I need to figure out how to give more of me".

And it feels like a wasteland / Is anybody alive / I can't seem to find anything that feels right / We're dying, goodbye to the light

Ultimately, this part is kind of for flare and drama 😅 To keep the vibes ✨

That being said, being in a situation where I felt that how I made money was, in some way, selling me, and knowing I didn't have any more of me to give, but also knowing I needed to find another way to monetize myself...felt very hopeless. And that is very much the feeling that I am trying to convey with this line.