Previous chapters are on Royal Road at: Stupid Sexy Cryptids [or How I Became the Emperor of Mankind]
It started as a low rumble, like thunder rolling in from a distance. The stained glass windows rattled...
2025-08-18 02:20:23 +0000 UTC View PostNessy bounced back to the booth, panting and merry from the appreciation, black and white tail wagging like a hurricane. "Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all temporal paradox!" She slid back into her seat, once again sandwiching me between herself and the semi-stunned raptor.
"That was… Ummm," Kristi began, then stopped.
"Magnificent? Show-stop...
2025-08-17 20:19:33 +0000 UTC View Post
Enjoy first 9 chappa on Royal Road: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/129134/stupid-sexy-cryptids-or-how-i-became-the-emperor
Kristi flexed her claws experimentally, nervously staring at them like they might betray her again.
"Never. Do. That. Again," she hissed at me.
"No promises," I said. "You ready to help us save the world?"
“No world,” Nessy commented. “Just ourselves. Maybe some dragons too. And our magic RV. Then Ferguson… I think.”
“You think? M...
2025-08-11 00:00:27 +0000 UTC View Post“What
2025-08-10 00:29:53 +0000 UTC View PostThe first fat raindrops splattered against the trail, and within seconds a diresome wall of clouds reached us. The sky unleashed a torrential downpour and by the time I pulled out the ponchos, we were both soaked to the bone.
"THIS IS WORSE THAN THE SPIDERWEBS!" Nessy yelled over the roar of rain. "AT LEAST SPIDERS ARE DRY!"
"The cabins...
2025-08-08 18:17:10 +0000 UTC View Post"I'm dying," Nessy announced for the seventh time in twenty minutes. "Actually dying. This is it. Remember me fondly."
"You're not dying," I said. "You're hiking."
"Same thing! My paws hurt! My tail hurts! Parts of me I didn't know existed hurt!" She dramatically flopped against a tree. "Why did we get off at Cascade? Why didn't we just take...
2025-08-07 16:42:20 +0000 UTC View Post“COMING ATTRACTIONS!” An unnervingly deep voice suddenly boomed in my ears.
"What the fuck?" I jumped.
"Think a paperclip maximizer is bad? THIS SUMMER... One man... One AI-powered toaster... INFINITE BREAD! Coming soon: 'TOAST APOCALYPSE 7: THE BUTTERING.' Rated R for excessive jam violence."
I spun left and right, trying to figure out...
2025-08-07 12:08:50 +0000 UTC View PostI glanced at my packmates as we walked to our next destination. Kristi and Adelle looked extra bothered and twitchy. The raptor's feathers kept fluffing and settling in waves, while the cheetah kept flexing her claws and shifting her weight. Nessy looked only somewhat concerned, holding tightly on to my hand and sniffing the air. Candace marched ahead with a smile, tail swishing.
"Ads? Kr...
2025-08-06 16:54:36 +0000 UTC View Post“First stop and the nearest destination. The optometrist on the second floor. We’ll grab the Crossview Spectacles, then move on to the theater for dimensionally-sheared tickets,” Candace outlined. "I’ll switch us to second person if we encounter any FPHses.”
“You can manage the second-person switch, right?” Kristi eyed me.
“I can manage it,” I...
2025-08-04 01:30:34 +0000 UTC View PostI opened and closed my hands, staring at my fingers suspiciously, half-expecting to see fleshy flower eyes once again blossoming across my skin. My nerves tingled with the phantom sensation of endlessly expanding branches and roots, the echo of my desire to spread, bloom and multiply suppressed but still there, bubbling beneath the surface.
I looked ...
2025-07-28 22:54:59 +0000 UTC View PostNessy trying on outfits at Dragon Alley finished art:
Alec & Kristi at Cascade, view of the ruins of Denver finished art:
Candace wearing Kristi's hoodie finished art:
2025-07-28 15:14:22 +0000 UTC
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“You know what?” Candace huffed. “No. I’m not gonna bow to the damned Omnids nor bind myself to their fat ass floating Justice construct.”
“So then…” Manny began.
“Unbind Candace, bind Loops,” Candace grabbed her temples, silver fractals flaring from her paws. “Aight, scan me now babes.”
Manny tapped Candace’s wrist with her p...
2025-07-25 02:44:55 +0000 UTC View Post“You FUCKING WHAT?!" Kristi snarled, rounding on Candace. "I fucking knew something like this would happen because you can't keep your Binder paws to yourself!"
Candace's ears flicked back. "I got the sword's location out of her, so there's that. Our Slayer needs his sword!"
The building shook again, more violently this time. A metallic shriek pierced our ...
2025-07-20 23:35:17 +0000 UTC View PostNessy’s body twitched in Adelle’s arm and then Candace shuddered, one eye losing its tint as the husky’s own sky-blues snapped open.
“That was fun!” Nessy licked Adelle and then slid out of the cheetah’s arms.
Candace murmured something and leapt over the railing, somehow slowly gliding through the air until she landed on my should...
2025-07-20 13:50:40 +0000 UTC View PostAdelle’s eyes moved up and down my body, as if she was undressing me with her gaze.
“You wan’ me to get you a new bike while we here, Ads? Or are you planning to transmogrify Alec into a bike so that you can ride him all night lo…”
A violet raptor hand swatted Candace in the head, interrupting her provocative monologue.
"Nah. I’d rather...
2025-07-17 01:53:40 +0000 UTC View PostI slouched into a plush chair in the boutique's "boyfriend waiting area" tagged as such by the sales girl’s comment, while my pack disappeared into the fitting rooms. The waiting chair was designed for pradavarian proportions, leaving my feet dangling several inches above the floor.
This particular boutique catered to high level elite or wealthy female delvers...
2025-07-15 11:32:32 +0000 UTC View PostWe slipped out of the Atomic Cafe without any more parental disasters, which felt like a minor miracle after the dual family ambush.
After extracting the sleek black glider, Nessy, Candace, and Adelle climbed into the bag. Kristi slung it over her shoulder, and I took my seat in front of her on the Nemesis.
The glider lifted into the air, t...
2025-07-11 22:28:42 +0000 UTC View PostKristi & Alec:
A sad Terry [TurbloFluff]:
Candace in Kristi's hoodie:
Nessy being a cute:
... 2025-07-10 02:25:43 +0000 UTC View Post"Candace," Goebel offered, "perhaps you should speak to your mother."
Candace crossed her arms. "Why? So she can tell me how disappointed she is? How I've ruined the Rhinehart name? How much prestige I cost her by running away this summer?"
"She's scared for you," Goebel replied. "The Magnetic Lynx isn't just another dungeon monster. She's... an infamous, unstoppable monster."
The waitress finally arrived with our food. Her eyes darted between us and the agitated-looking Whitepaw parents as she set the plates onto our table.
"Perhaps," Kristi suggested diplomatically, "we could all sit down and enjoy breakfast while we discuss this calmly? Mr. and Mrs. Whitepaw, would you and your children care to join us?”
"We are not sitti...
2025-07-02 19:17:28 +0000 UTC View PostAlec & Adelle:
Kristi morning stretch workout:
Alec & Adelle:
Candace's imagination, aka ...
2025-07-01 00:51:05 +0000 UTC View Post"Nessy Rex Whitepaw!" The elegantly dressed husky woman marched toward our table, her voice carrying that special maternal frequency designed to pierce teenage defenses. "Where have you been? We've been calling you for two days! You were supposed to come home for dinner after your book sale!"
Nessy seemed to shrink beside me, her ears flattening against her head.
"H-hi Mom," she...
I fell through a myriad of dreams etched across the infinite abyss.
They weren’t a single story, but a river of lives fluctuating and intertwining, interconnecting with each other like an endlessly vast delta. I felt like a cartographer of my own forgotten lives, each one a universe unto itself, igniting, flickering and dying on the edge of my awareness. ...
2025-06-28 02:19:45 +0000 UTC View PostTurboFluff final art, now with background:
Alec & Kristi first meeting at the shop, now with moar details:
How to train your human. Now with shading and more detail:
2025-06-27 23:16:46 +0000 UTC
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Nessy pushed me onto the bed, her hands firm on my shoulders. The world tilted, the decorative tile Depictomancy-animated ceiling of the Moonshard Inn featuring the night sky and the shattered moon entering my view as I fell back against the plush comforter.
This wasn't a submission; it was a homecoming. This was the culmination of every fragmented dream, every echo o...
2025-06-25 03:16:15 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 1 Adelle:
Drawing animation:
Turbofluff:
Adelle, Alec & Nessy:
2025-06-21 00:57:45 +0000 UTC
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"What do you see?" I asked, kneeling beside Nessy.
"It's a multi-layered ward," the husky girl murmured, her voice distant. "Reinforced with… belief. Sacrifice. Every memory, every emotion fed to the Well strengthens this thing. It's not just a magical construct; it's a psychic fortress… containing something. Possibly a dungeon core." Her eyes snapped ope...
2025-06-20 22:33:55 +0000 UTC View PostThe arrival of our takeout feast was a welcome, greasy punctuation mark in a day of high-stakes drama. Or perhaps just a comma, since we still had a quest to do tonight.
We descended on the food like a pack of starving… prads and one human, the earlier tension dissolving into the simple, satisfying act of enjoying noms.
"I could get used to this," Adelle...
2025-06-16 02:06:56 +0000 UTC View PostCandace scrambled to her feet, her hotel robe falling open as she snatched her silver dress from a chair and wriggled into it with frantic speed. The laid-back atmosphere had evaporated, leaving behind the sharp, cold reality of a crisis.
My own mind was a maelstrom. Losing Nessy again. The thought wasn't rational; it was a primal, instinctual cert...
2025-06-12 19:38:24 +0000 UTC View Post