They bought me pink diaries and toys,
and beamed at me as I sat down to play,
with their loud voices that seemed like noise,
'How innocent!' they'd look at me and say.
Amongst themselves, they'd talk of other things,
Of markets, motherhood, medicine and men,
they'd look round twirling their sparkling rings,
as I quietly scribbled their secrets with my pen.
The howling of the wind woke me up. The single lamp in the corridor was flickering. Across the hall, from my grandfather's room, I could hear the monotone of the state-employed news anchor blaring from his old radio. I got out of bed and hurried towards the sound, pausing each time the light went out. Relief washed over me as I entered his room, a sense of safety I only ever felt with one man. ...
2022-05-21 04:20:27 +0000 UTC View PostThe mat feels rougher than usual as I rest my arms and sink onto it, closing my eyes. My cheek is against the rubber and it feels harsh somehow. Or maybe it’s my skin that’s more raw. Even the sweat makes it burn. I open my eyes to see my hand resting right in front of me. It’s turned up to the skies and my fingers are bent. I move my hands and rest my palms flat against the mat to lift m...
2022-05-19 04:40:53 +0000 UTC View Post
I search for you, everywhere.
In the song that was playing on the radio that night on the cusp of winter, when I came back from a month of working in the gutter of society. I told you about the flowers of the scholar's tree and you sang.
In the old faded yellow cotton sheets I can't bring myself to throw away because they feel like your arms wrapped around me. I saw a pi...
Note: This is a series. The prologue can be found here and the catalogue of all the posts is here. These pieces can be read as standalone pieces but you will get the best out of them if you read them as a series.
..........
Chapter 6: The One Who Wa...
I feel like a woman when someone beats me. I don't know what the fuck that means, or what to do with that information, but it does mean something specific.
I struggle with defining my gender, I am not sure if I should even define it. For the longest time, I've said that womanhood is a purely political position to me, I am a woman because society deemed that I should be subject to discri...
I wake up naked.
This has always had a profound effect on me; it is just comfortable enough to sleep like a baby and just uncomfortable enough to feel like a whore. Everyday for the past fourteen years I have woken up naked with my legs slightly parted. Nowadays I mutter the word *whore* under my breath.
I dress the same everyday too. That's how he likes it an...
2022-05-11 03:39:24 +0000 UTC View PostI get it.
You want to take care of me.
I'm tarnished. I'm tainted. You want to preserve me before I spoil further.
You think I'm misunderstood.
You want to accept me.
You look at me.
You know there's something off about me.
You call me interesting, fascinating and different.
You think I like being made to feel like a snowflake. You believe it so you keep doin...
I went out with him because she was running late. It was a little past midnight and I had just gotten home from seeing a client, when I saw that his car was parked outside our gate. He saw me approaching the building, rolled down the window and called out to me. I used to walk everywhere those days, it's hard to imagine it now, I even drive the kilometer to the gym now.
"Can you check o...
I don't know when I became an emotional masochist. I don't know if that is something that you can even become. I didn't aspire to it nor did I plan on it. I was really happy just having the living daylights punched out of me. In fact, when I first started dating my ex, I *hated* that he hurt me emotionally.
For him it was the ultimate sport. He'd tell me he thought it would be hot if I ...
"What the fuck..are you wearing, little girl?" He asked emerging from inside the bathroom.
I was wearing lipstick and those incredibly uncomfortable heels that give you toe cleavage with a tiny black skirt and a white top that left nothing to the imagination. With the exception of the heels, it's not odd for me to wear any of that, but we haven't been in that place. We've been in a "lit...
Hello everyone.
Is there a point in your life where the two worlds you embody start to demand enough of you that you worry you'll have to pick one? Can you? How do you? How do you decide that all the professional success in your field of study doesn't give you what the industry of sex does? How do you stop competing for achievement?
Listen to find o...
2022-04-28 07:53:10 +0000 UTC View PostI put on red glass bangles. My friend wore them to a wedding and left them in my bag, and as I rummaged through it for my lighter, I gave into the temptation of wearing them. It was a strange combination — shorts, ratty tank top, bright red bangles — but it wasn't the first time I had been adorned in that combination of apparel. He came into the room and saw me sitting on the chair by the w...
2022-04-28 06:12:03 +0000 UTC View PostNote: This is a series. The prologue can be found here and the catalogue of all the posts is here. These pieces can be read as standalone pieces but you will get the best out of them if you rea...
2022-04-27 05:06:29 +0000 UTC View Post
"Look daddy," she says standing right before him with her hands against her waist, "Look at my big, hard cock."
He looks up from the floor and directly at her instead. She is naked except for the straps of leather that secure the black silicone onto her waist. Her hair are tied back in two tight little french braids and knotted at the bottom with little black ribbons.
He...
I want to kiss it.
The twinkle in the tip of the shoe in my lap feels like looking into the eyes of a creature I conjured from inanimate leather, and I want to kiss it.
For a moment, I forget you're there, I forget the pain in my jaw, I forget the throbbing in my head, I forget the stench of cruelty that hangs in the air betwee...
2022-04-26 03:25:34 +0000 UTC View Post
"Daddy," I said while playing with his fingers while he watched something on his computer, "How many of your fingers do you think will fit inside me?"
He looked at me as if he was expecting me to say exactly that. I am predictable in some ways and he knows me well enough to know I am turned on by his big, strong hands. Some people like big feet, some people like big dicks but me...
Note: This is a series. The prologue can be found here and the catalogue of all the posts is here. These pieces can be read as standalone pieces but you will get the best out of them if you rea...
2022-04-19 08:49:56 +0000 UTC View Post
There is nothing but pain between us right now. We haven't exchanged a single word in over an hour, not a single sound has escaped my throat nor has he said anything to me at all. The only sound in the room is the wood smacking against the back of my thighs every six-seconds. When I was younger, the *noise* of pain used to excite me — I liked the crack of a whip, the swishing of a swi...
I had this skirt. It was a little pouffy and a little shiny and totally not my style. My style is more akin to wearing the same tank top everyday just in a different colour and honestly the list of colours isn't exceptionally vast either. But back then I had this suitcase full of slutty clothes that I later used as escort clothes because apparently shorts and tank tops just don't cut it, and th...
2022-04-16 03:33:25 +0000 UTC View PostEvery morning, she watched me,
when I stood there, getting ready,
as I lined my eyes with black,
and filled in colour I seemed to lack.
Her nose she'd turn in disapproval,
as I began the process of removal,
of every item she called unsightly,
while she called me ugly so rightly.
Yet even when I removed the bangles,
and straightened the messy tangles,
wiped...
"You have been faking it for how long?" I asked her, flabbergasted, "I cannot believe what you are telling me right now!"
My friend had just told me that she had been faking her orgasms for twelve-years. By most standards, my friend is a modern woman, in a stable, progressive relationship. They've been together for over a decade, they have a child together, they're both accomplished prof...
"I'll be back in a few hours," said mommy as she zipped her black leather jacket.
From the corner of my eye I could see my ersatz sister, as she popped her head up over the back of the couch to wave goodbye. She had been painting her nails, half her fingers had red tips and the other half were still unpainted. I looked down at my own nails, I hadn't painted them in months, part ...
One errant hair, sharp and coarse and short, the kind that grows back quickly and is never shaved off completely. It pierces through the crusted skin over the cut on my lip and tears it open again, as I turn my face to lick your balls from the other side.
One unrelenting cut, deep and long and swollen, the kind that makes it hard to smile and cracks open into a thin line of red when...
When I turned sixteen my father brought me,
a string of white pearls, cold and unblemished,
to put around my neck when I needed dignity,
but as they reflected my eyes all I could see,
was a violent insanity, broken and diminished,
captured in ornamental propriety for all infinity.
I wrapped the blanched beads around my wrist,
and armed myself with weapons of so...
Every guy I have known by the name of Jay has had soft hands that smell of cigarettes and the strange desire to create openings in my body that weren't already there. That's why I never slept with the Jays, because Jay wanted to fuck an incision he created in the back of my knee, and while I understand the allure of desecration, the reality of that particular form of it squicks me out. He under...
2022-03-28 10:27:53 +0000 UTC View PostThe way her ass parts to settle over my nose and rest so comfortably over my chin convinces me that at least one of the purposes of the human face is to be sat on. She's leaning back but squirming enough that every once in a while I am able to breathe in a full gust of air. It's not enough but it's ensuring I don't pass out. The scrap of lace in my mouth has dried it out and it tastes and feel ...
2022-03-26 14:20:24 +0000 UTC View PostIn my mother's shirt and holding my father's pen,
that's how this endless story did once begin,
when pained by this strange body and its violence,
I wrote the demons into such stunned silence.
Every strange person I could always explain,
and in ink they could cause me no pain,
every conversation was dialogue to use later,
when to constraints of time I didn't have to c...
When I open my eyes I am struck by how ordinary everything around me looks. The sheets are grey and on the right hand corner there's an amalgamation of tiny little holes because I won't stop smoking on the bed. The curtains are a little bit longer than they need to be but it doesn't bother me because I love the sombre blue colour. I can see my make-up cabinet across the room, it's hazy but I kn...
2022-03-21 03:15:06 +0000 UTC View PostThere's a sob stuck in my throat and it has been here for days, waiting for your permission to turn into tears. It appeared last week, you remember that night when I couldn't stop kissing you? You beat me every single night that week and wrecked my insides with every single object that you could shove into me, you fucked me every single night that week; every time you flooded my cunt, you hit m...
2022-03-19 08:29:50 +0000 UTC View Post