SpanishRed

Style Manuals

One of South Africa's Nobel Laureates for literature once did a radio interview. The interviewer went into his punctuation choices in-depth, and Coetzee could justify every single comma. There was no mark in that novel that went unconsidered. Writing is like music, and mechanics like punctuation and word choice allow you to set the pace. That's particularly important in poetry, but prose writer...

The Art of Receiving a Blowjob

There is as much of an art to receiving a blowjob as there is to tuning a piano: if the keys don’t make a sound, I’m not going to hear any music. If I can’t hear what you feel, my blowjobs (and piano playing) are going to suck balls. Figuratively, not literally.

Okay, literally as well.

Come to think of it, my piano playing will suck balls regardless of how well the instrument...

Update on Membership Tiers

Most of you joined this Patreon right at the beginning. It's evolving as I learn what you're looking for. I thought I'd go through the tiers as they stand today. 

I've decided I'm not interested in charging more for extra content. If you're a patron, you get the exclusive content, regardless of whether you're on the $1 or the $10 tier. The tiers merely cater to what you can afford. I...

Just Because I Chose You As a Dominant Doesn't Mean I Chose You As a Life Coach

Just about every aspect of power exchange compels me, but discipline is a hard limit. I can’t get behind it with an Nth of conviction. Few dominants have the competence to teach me how to exist more comfortably in the world. My partners learn as much from me as I do from them.

Identifying as a dominant doesn’t make you mentorship material. Just because I choose you as a partner doesn�...

The Kink Scene is a Baby Boomer Conference, Not Slut Christmas

Norman took a short right at Tinder and landed up here, where there are sluts lining the walls with their legs wide open. It’s easy to get laid when all the women are kinky. That’s what Norman thinks, anyway, so he begins offering sexual favours to random Fet women. He thinks it’s Christmas, and all the tinsel is flying in the wind. He’s sure to get laid any second, now. Did you know yo...

Things You Should Know if You're New to the Kink Scene (TW Rape)

• There is no shame in calling red. There is no shame in calling yellow. There is no shame in choosing new hard limits or saying no. In other words, there’s no shame in engaging in kink your own way by honouring your needs.
• New to kink? You know more than you think you do about BDSM. Your vanilla life has taught you many things that are relevant to your kink life, so if ...
  2024-01-07 06:50:33 +0000 UTC View Post

I'll Call This One the Whiplash Creeper

Writing Skills You Prolly Don’t Know You Need

How to touch type. It’s impossible to reach deadlines if you can’t bloody type as fast as you bloody think. Trust me. Learn it now.

Since we’re on the topic, if you spray a little WD-40 into your keyboard, it will never stick again. It’s a pleasure. (Not your laptop keyboard though)

Humility is everything. You should be humble on the page, but you should also be humble enoug...

Why Everything I Learned About BDSM Ethics Was Wrong

One of my kink mentors taught me that the secret to ethical sadomasochism lies in the difference between hurt and harm. BDSM might hurt, she said, but it should never, ever cause damage. It was a fairy tale so moral it sparkled in the sunlight, but in practice, it never did me a stitch of good.

Let’s get the difference out of the way before we move on.

Hurt is ouchy. It causes phy...

The "Inferior" Submissive

I’m not one of those subs who feels unfulfilled without a dominant, nor do I have a permanently ignited slave heart that submits the second it finds a partner. In my day to day life, I’m the opposite of submissive: stubborn, self-supporting, and even (gasp) dominant. I’ve been unmarried for decades, so my options were independence or bust. I chose the former, mainly because I’m not stup...

Women don’t sign a Fetlife agreement to have sex with a minimum number of men a year.

An ex-Fetlife caretaker once listed the most surprising aspects of his employment. He recalled the many men who reported women for ignoring their unsolicited messages. They assumed the profiles were “not real” on that basis. Worse yet, they thought women’s memberships should be revoked if they weren’t pulling their weight by shagging Fetlife’s wanton masses.

Ever since Only Fans...

Fire Season

This was what my neighbourhood looked like before Christmas. The firefighters are exhausted. I drove the whole peninsula on Christmas day. 

2024-01-02 06:44:34 +0000 UTC View Post

Every Scrabble Game I've Ever Played

How to Do Your First Munch

1. Go outside. See that woman who just walked down the road? Yes, that one in the yellow dress. She looks exactly like the kind of person you’d meet at a munch. We BDSM community types are the same as everyone else. The munch experience isn’t as alien as you think it is.
2. Now go to a coffee shop. It’s fine. I’ll wait.
3. Settle in. Now tell me which table the retail man...
   2024-01-02 06:20:02 +0000 UTC View Post

Unlocking the Secrets of the Female Sex Drive

When Meredith Chivers researched what made men and women’s libidos work overtime, she found that the female of the species was kinkier than the male. Women were turned on by clips of everything. Homosexual intercourse… hetero intercourse… even bonobo chimp smut. Men weren’t into watching monkey sex, but al...

Every Kind of Fetlife Kinkster

I’m a demi-sapio-poly-non-binary-neurospicy <deep breath> gluten-intolerant switch, which basically means I’m a feminist for some reason. My strap-on has been baptised in Gloria Steinem’s Great River of Holy Pee (long may she live). And yes, I really did break into her bathroom at the 31st Annual Conference for Feminist Economics. I even know what feminist economics are. Sort of. 2024-01-01 09:25:01 +0000 UTC View Post

New Fetlife Rules for 2024

• This year, the vanillas became too kinky to scare, so All the Real Kinksters will have to work extra hard at it in 2024. We suggest driving toothbrushes and other household objects into your urethras. Not sugary treats, though. We don’t need a Fet-wide yeast infection.
• Five billion cock shots were added to Fetlife in 2023, and only one belonged to Mister Cocky. This is obviousl...
  2023-12-31 05:35:22 +0000 UTC View Post

If you have sub frenzy, you probably shouldn't operate heavy machinery.

Menopause has knocked the sharp edges off my sex drive. Do I want The Sex? Yup. Do I want The Sex even if it costs me five cupcakes and a missed deadline? Nope. This lack of desperation has had unexpected effects.

These days, if you give me a choice between a man waving a red flag and no man at all, I choose the latter. I’d even go so far as to say I’m not willing to accept any bullsh...

Why I Avoid Tops Who Don't Do Aftercare

One of the most surprising lessons I’ve learned about the kink scene is that not all tops do aftercare. They don’t dole it out for free like cash slips at a supermarket. If you need it, you have to negotiate for it. There are tops out there who will joyfully whip a queue of subs without fetching a single one of them a glass of water. There are even more who will joyfully break your limbs wi...

Just Like a Kinky Werewolf

When I grow up, I’m going to be RainDeGrey: a proud pain slut who gives zero fucks about showing the entire planet my body. I’m going to have fifty sexual adventures before lunch and then have energy left for a tea time pegging. Then, when I’m done screaming, I’m going to put on a pink blouse with no cleavage as though I’m picking up the boys from soccer.

Rain is my inner porn s...

Everything I Wish I'd Known About Kink From the Start

• Never, ever, ever assume good hygiene of a top. Don’t take it as a given that the dildo’s been sanitised, the needles have been correctly stored, or the flogger’s been set aside once it’s drawn blood. Even community leaders are prone to negligence, so just because she’s a host, doesn’t mean she’s careful. This is something you need to check upfront.
• Just be...
  2023-12-26 07:16:53 +0000 UTC View Post

The Law of Fuck Yes or No in Kink

“The Law of Fuck Yes or No states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.” - Mark Manson

Mark Manson’s essay works beautifully in a kink context:

When you want to get involved with a new kink, it must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order...

Masochism Isn't an Animal To Break But a Wave To Ride

I started HIIT training a month ago. As expected, it was shit… until I broke through an invisible wall and reached the dimension where the endorphins fly. You stop feeling the pain. You stop struggling to breathe. Your whole brain changes, and suddenly, everything is lit in Technicolor.

Masochism is a lot like that for me. The first seconds of impact are terrible, but if you push throug...

An Absolute Beginner's Guide to a First Topping Scene

• Just because a bottom agreed to play, doesn’t mean they’ve agreed to sexual contact. Hell, it doesn’t even mean they’ve agreed to nudity, so ask the right questions before you play. Don’t touch vaginas without permission, even if they're wet.
• Play for play, not marks. It’s cool to be The Big Bad Wolf of Bruises and Scrapes, but if they’re your goal, you wil...
  2023-12-23 09:28:41 +0000 UTC View Post

Your Vagina Doesn't Render You Innocent (TW rape)

Few Fetsters remember R anymore. He’s one of an infinite list of Fetlife refugees, and who has time to remember those? I remember him, though. I remember his wit. I remember his compassion. I remember the sexual harassment that became a constant annoyance for him.

R was ripped, you see. He was a gym rat, and he was funny, too. He didn’t post dick pics or even muscle porn. Any referenc...

I Don't Know What a Compersion Is But I'm Pretty Sure It Would Taste Good in a Sandwich

I’m knitting squares for a blanket. This is the easiest knitting project in history. They were doing it during the Mesozoic era. When you start knitting, you make squares. That’s Grade One of the Knitting Universe, but my squares were not bloody square. The top corners were round. The bottom corners were long. I had to gather a group of Emergency Fetlife Knitters to coach me on the many and...

Your Kink's Not My Kink But Your Kink is Just Plain Weird

Fetlife exposes you to enough kinky weirdness to start your own sexy reality show. What’s the appeal of latex, and what the fuck is a shrink fetish? Have you ever heard of climacophilia? That’s for people who get turned on by falling down stairs. There are even people roaming the earth who fetishise the sun’s rays.

You read that right.

Your kink is not my kink, but your kink i...

When Sluts Hate Slugs

Don’t go wandering behind rocks in the kink scene. You never know what sort of parasites you might pick up. Today, I went wandering behind a rock, and I came across an <ahem> gentleman who was advising people not to have sex with kinky women. We’re all hoes, you know. We have orgies with hundreds of men every weekend because that’s how you define BDSM. If you didn’t know it before...

Are you a sub or are you a walking imitation of someone else’s fantasies?

Are you a sub or are you a walking imitation of someone else’s fantasies? No. Don’t move onto the next sentence. Answer the question. Are you a sub or are you merely living up to someone else’s definition of submission?

Are you a sub or are you too frightened to live out your own version of D/s in case you lose someone you love?

Are you kneeling because that’s wha...

Why I Reply To Every Wannafuck Message

“It’s impolite not to reply when a man takes the time to write to you.” – Some sort of Norman or other

Yesterday I came home to a yuuuge pile of inbox spam: Prime Video now streaming! Travelstart Last Minute Black Friday Deals!!! Sale up to 50% off!!!! I’d planned a quiet evening with my husband, Tom Hardy, but it’s impolite not to respond to the messages you...