DITW 11-16: Stakeout

When he saw Kimmy coming through the glass doors of the apartment building’s lobby, pushing them open and trotting down the steps, he couldn’t conceive of how she knew he was there. His heart pounded in his chest and his eyes focused into crystalline life-preserving perfection. He could see the determined look on his wife’s face, the set jaw, the quick stepping feet down the stairs onto the parking asphalt; the jostle of her breasts, the stride of her long, elegant legs. Guilt and shame exploded in an enormous psychic geyser, and he clutched at his chest as if he were entering cardiac arrest. His fingers tingled while blood pounded and whooshed in his ears—all this in mere seconds, startled out of a tortured yet quiet reverie.

He scrambled to push his dick back into his pants. He hadn’t been jerking it, but he might as well have been. The implication of a man sitting in a parking lot with his dick out didn’t need a lot of angles and facets—no one sought an easier, ameliorating explanation. They put you on a list.

He pushed it down and under his fly, darting a look to see how close she was, but she wasn’t coming. She hadn’t figured him out. She hadn’t known what he was up to.

He cursed under his breath at the fright she had given him. In one split second, he’d come face to face with the depths of his own depravity. He could see through Kimmy’s eyes what she would witness, and it disgusted him. But alas, all for naught. Because Kimmy didn’t march up to the Qashqai and ask him what he thought he was doing. Didn’t say there were children in the building or that Sophie could be around. Didn’t say, “You’re a total pervert and your perversion has gone too far.” No. She went to her Leaf and opened the hatch.

He watched now from the shadows of his car cabin, the window slid all the way down, cool October air buffeting his face. And he watched Kimmy, and she rummaged in the cargo. Maybe a gym bag. It was a bag of some kind; a zippered one. One she would bring along to yoga or to the fitness center. Not that she had much time for that these days, since she began working for Devlin. No, since she was working for Devlin maybe she burned calories in a whole different manner.

He palmed his erection under his pants again, watching her. What was it she came down for? What did Kimmy and Devlin need during their borrowed-apartment tryst? What could she have forgotten? Kimmy transferred an item from one bag to another, the other one a canvas shopping bag she’d bring into the store when she stopped to pick up a few unexpected grocery items Whatever she came down for, it went into this shopping bag. It looked heavy; a bottle of wine perhaps, to be shared by two lovers by candlelight. No, a bottle of whiskey. That made more sense. That was where her tastes skewed these days, all because of Devlin Stone.

He flinched when Kimmy looked over her shoulder, left and right, and he was sure he’d been spotted, but Kimmy went back to business, putting now a towel from what had to be her gym bag into the shopping bag. What do you need a towel for? Clean up on Aisle Devlin, that’s what she needed it for. Maybe she didn’t want to dirty any of Hyun’s towels. He was sticking with whiskey—it made more sense. If there was a necessary clean up in—

Shit. Kimmy looked over her shoulder again, not left and right this time, only to the right, looking right at the Qashqai.

He sank further into the shadows, wishing the window was up and casting back a glare to her like when you wore mirrored sunglasses—but she went back to work, putting the key fob in her pocket, slamming the hatchback lid down, looking left and right again, walking . . . then slowing and turning around and looking right at the Qashqai.

Now he’d been caught. She’d seen the Qashqai, but didn’t fathom how her depraved husband might be in it, skulking and watching. But her subliminal mind had worked while she tucked an expensive whiskey bottle to gift to Devlin for the magnificent fucking he just delivered, and then it hit her. That was the Waters’ Qashqai.

“Oh fuck,” he said under his breath, first instinct driving his hand to the car’s push-button start and thinking he could put the pedal down with the car in gear and get out of here before he got caught, but he stalled, picturing how that would look. Guilty times ten. He’d be even more depraved in Kimmy’s eyes.

And hold on just a fucking second. Kimmy was up to no good, as usual, and he had nothing to hide. He stuck his forearm out the window, rested it on the sill and leaned aside until his face felt the bath of moonlight.

Kimmy looked angry, rolling up the shopping bag and tucking it under an arm as she marched directly to him A myriad of defenses raced through his mind, things he would say, things he could explain himself with, theories and formulas. Maybe even go after her. And why the hell not? Why wouldn’t he go after her? It was her fault he was sitting in this parking lot.

She spoke a dozen feet before the Qashqai, beginning the argument before their eyes could even meet. “What are you doing here?”

He said, “I went out for a drive,” cold and flat and unbothered.

“Why are you parked out here?”

“I felt like stopping, put my thoughts together.”

She crinkled her nose derisively. “Oh yeah? What are you thinking about?”

“What’s it to you? Why do you sound mad?”

“Why do I say I’m mad, Josh? Because you’re parked out front of Hyun’s apartment, like you’re spying on me. I just texted you five minutes ago and said that I was sleeping over. You didn’t say anything about, oh, you know, where you were, like you were right outside.”

“It’s too much to type.”

She shook her head and came closer, peering into the Qashqai.

“What?” he said, defensive.

“Why are you sitting out here?”

“I told you I was out for a drive. I didn’t know you were going to come out ad see me here.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing. Why are you following me around?”

He scoffed. “Gosh, I don’t know. Why would I follow you around? I must be out of my mind.”

Kimmy pursed her lips, jaw muscles flexing. “What are you doing, Josh?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“I don’t even know what you’re doing You could be doing anything.”

He chuckled, an honest reaction of total disbelief at Kimmy’s incredulity. “Like what? Yeah, why would I do something like this? I’d have to be out of my mind. I wonder what drove me crazy?”

One hand on her hip: “Did I drive you crazy? Is that what you’re saying?”

“A normal person doesn’t sit outside an apartment his wife is visiting.”

“So you’re saying you’re not normal?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying,” he said and rolled his eyes, gripping the steering wheel, thinking back how it might have been a better idea to push that start button and peel out, burn some rubber.

“You’re your own worst enemy,” she said.

“What’s in the bag?”

Kimmy squeezed the bag tighter in the crease of her elbow. “This? What do you think it is? What did your crazy imagination come up with?”

He said, “A bottle.”

“I just told you I’m staying over at Hyun’s. I was grabbing some of my stuff out of my gym bag. Is that okay?”

“How’s Hyun doing?”

Kimmy screwed up her mouth, eyes narrowing, studying him, scrutinizing eyes that bore into him. “Is that it? You don’t think I’m here with Hyun? That’s what it is, isn’t it? Are you crazy?” Her eyes narrowed, and she looked stunned, and for a second he did feel really stupid.

He squeezed the steering wheel, saying, “I asked you how Hyun is doing.”

“Hyun’s fine. We’re having a good night. So good in fact that I thought I that I might just stay over. We’re gonna stay up late, watch some K-drama, and I would probably fall asleep, so I texted you to let you know that I would be home in the morning. I’m going to have to get up at like four-thirty. You don’t trust me to stay out at Hyun’s apartment until four in the morning?”

“Is Sophie there?”

“Sophie’s at a sleepover.”

“How convenient.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Josh. How convenient?” She clucked an indignant sound in her throat and crossed her arms. “Why don’t you come up and say hi to Hyun? Why don’t you come up and make a big fucking fool of yourself—and of me, by the way. My husband coming to check up on me. I told you how things were going to go. I told you what we were going to do. I told you how I feel about you,” she said, dragging out the word feel in a long, pleading note and putting a hand to her chest, light glimmering on the surface of her wedding ring. “I told you all that, and this is what you do. You are your own worst enemy.”

“Yeah, you said that already.”

“Yeah, I said it—but you need to hear it. What are you sitting here thinking about? What are you sitting here concocting in your head? You make everything worse. You make everything so much harder than it has to be.”

“I do? How much did I lie? How much did I lie about what was going on?”

“You don’t even remember, do you?”

He frowned and studied her face, looking for meaning. “Remember what?”

She shook her head and turned her face up to the moon. “Never mind,” she said under her breath

“No, what do you mean? I don’t remember what?”

“Look, Josh, this is fucking crazy. I come out here and I find you spying on me. Stalking your own wife. I’m here for a night out with your cousin’s ex-wife. I Thought Sophie was gonna be here. I thought it would be the three of us girls, but it’s just the two of us And the two of us are going to stay up late and we’re going to watch TV.”

“You two sleeping in the same bed again?”

“Oh my god,” she growled, raising her voice. “What the fuck does that mean? Seriously, Josh? What the fuck does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he said, grumbling to himself.

Kimmy got closer to the car, looking in the window again, seeing what he was up to in the cabin of the Qashqai. “What are you doing in here?”

“Nothing. Sitting.”

“Sitting and doing what?”

“Thinking about you.”

“Just driving around thinking, and you ended up here.” She stepped back from the Qashqai, looked up to Hyun’s apartment. “Were you watching us through that window?”

“I can’t see in the window, Kimmy. It’s like fucking way up there.”

“But you would if it was lower, wouldn’t you? You’re fucking crazy. You’re really fucking crazy.”

“No, I’m not,” he said. “It’s crazy to me that you think that this doesn’t make sense. How could you not see? How’s it come to this? And how can you put it on me? And what’s this remember shit? What does that mean?”

She came closer again, leaning on the Qashqai and looking in the cabin. “Are you jerking off in here? I Swear to God, Josh.”

“I’m not jerking off. Don’t be stupid.”

Kimmy persisted. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m wondering what you’re doing. That’s what I’m sitting here thinking about. I’m thinking how you said we’re in trouble.”

“You’re making everything worse with your imagination. The things you concoct in your head are ten times worse than what really happens And why are we in this, anyway?”

“Why are we in this? Gosh, I don’t know, Kimmy. What could it be? What could have brought us here?”

“You. You brought us here.”

Now he raised his voice. “I did?”

“Josh, don’t start.”

“I’m not starting. I don’t want to do this at all. I didn’t know you were gonna come down, I was content to just sit here.”

“Well, I’m down now And I’m standing here and I’m looking at you in our car spying, looking through the windows.”

“You guys moved to the bedroom early.”

Now she got so close her face loomed in the window. She said, “You are jerking off.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Show me your dick.”

In total shock and disbelief, he said, “What?”

“Take your dick out and show it to me.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Josh,” she said, sniffing, “if your dick isn’t hard, if your dick wasn’t hard right now, you’d be jumping at the chance to snatch it out and wiggle it at me.”

He grunted, his heart jumping at her lewdness. “Wiggle it?”

“Take it out. “

“Go back to see Hyun. Go back and cuddle up in her bedroom.”

“You’re really making me mad now, Josh,” she said in an even and grave tone. And for the first time in this interaction, he felt dirty and guilty and really stupid. She said, “Take it out and wiggle it.”

“Don’t be crude.”

“Do it Josh. Prove it.”

“Just go away. Go back up. I’m going to go home.”

“No. I want to see it.”

“Don’t...”

“Josh, take it out.”

“I wasn’t jerking off. I was just driving around and I stopped here. You texted me. I said, yes, sleep over. And I was going to sit here for another minute and then go get something to eat and go home.”

Kimmy shook her head, saying, “I don’t believe it for a second.”

“Well, it’s true, so tough shit.”

“Show me that dick, Josh. Show me your dick.”

He said, “Are you trying to be funny?”

“I don’t think there’s anything funny about this, Josh. I know I’m right. . . . What if I reach in there? What if I just reach in and check? What am I going to find?”

He wiped at his brow and saw the answer flash before him. “Well, yeah, it’s hard now. You saying you want to see it.”

“You don’t want me to see it? You don’t want me to touch it?”

He folded his arms and gave her a get-serious look.

“I’ll do it, Josh. Tell me what you were really thinking, I’ll put my hand between your legs, and you can tell me everything you thought, sitting out here. Every terrible thing that drives you so crazy you get hard as steel.”

She leaned further in through the window, his hand brushing her chest. He looked away, looked down, mumbled complaint to himself, and found his thumb searching for the shape of her nipple under her top. He found it, found the hardened shape pressing from under the cotton.

She said, “Take it out.”

“Stop, Kimmy. I can’t do something like that here.”

“You’ve always got an excuse to stop yourself from having fun.”

“I don’t think any of this is fun,” he said.

Kimmy shifted, stuck her arm into the Qashqai, leaning in, her face close to his. Her hand went down his front, between his legs, and grabbed a handful of cock bulge. When she squeezed, his naked erect cock popped out of his unzipped fly and stuck to her palm.

“Holy fuck,” she said, so close to him he could feel her soft breath on his cheek. “You were doing it. I fucking knew it. Down here jerking off.” Her hand slunk around his cock and he groaned with terrifying delight. “This little thing has caused so much trouble. This little thing has made our lives so difficult.” She pumped her hand up and down, and, right away, her grip went slick with his pre-cum. “Out here jerking off. I told you how it was, but you can’t let it go. You’re out here thinking, thinking, thinking. Thinking and thinking all kinds of dirty, dirty things that I’m not doing. And you think it’s me? You think it’s my fault?” She squeezed his cock and ran her thumb pad across the slippery slit, making him jolt and bounce his knees.

She kissed his temple. “I’ll be home at four-thirty. If you’re awake, maybe I’ll put your little thing to use.”

She stepped back with the bundled shopping bag held under her arm, head cocked, inclined in a sympathetic angle. She smiled in a way that could have him believe that this was a kind and generous act. Kimmy could make him believe anything.

She said, “I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, Josh,” turned and walked away, clicking the fob in her pocket and locking the Leaf as she passed, trotting up the steps, and through the glass doors into Hyun’s building, unlocking the main door with Hyun’s key.