Discord's Rewrite Chapter 13

The months passed mostly in peace as the land of Fundony grew, slowly starting to show the trappings of a proper city rather than a large village. Discord was seen infrequently, along with Lily Frost and the Alicorns…which was why Officer Gust had volunteered to deliver a message to Discord directly. Or to be blunt, to venture into the Strangelands himself and find said lord of chaos.

The pegasus wasn't afraid of the illogical, chaotic lands. The nature of the Strangelands was a reflection of Discord's will, and Gust knew one thing for sure; unless one gained the ire of Discord, his magic was harmless, if inconvenient at times.

But he quickly learned he had underestimated the extremes of inconvenience.

It started by flying over a lone cloud, only to find his wings stuck the edge of it. Said "cloud" was in fact made of spiderwebs.

Gust took one look at that and instantly cut himself free quickly before he found what arachnids created spiderweb-clouds. Cloudwebs? He didn't want to think about it.

Then came the music. Oh the song was fine, it was just that the notes were all physical manifestations, floating in the sky and carrying the song with them.

And every note was trying to hit him either in the flank or the head!

A particularly heavy note sent him falling out of the sky and landing down below.

This being the Strangelands, falling from thousands of feet didn't hurt him at all. Instead, the ground stretched and groaned as he sank into the elastic surface, before he was shot back up to land nearby with a bounce.

He grunted as he stared at a small rock-crab, clacking its claws at him.

"How do you live like this?" Gust asked in resignment.

The rock-crab clacked once more before curling into its shell and looking like an ordinary rock.

"Fair," Gust said with a huff as he picked himself back off the ground. "A giant cube in the sky. That shouldn't be hard to find! That's almost ordinary, compared to the rest of this place."

*SKREONK!*

He jumped to his side, nearly drawing his sword, before seeing what had...honked at him.

It was like a dragon, but without wings and skinner than most. Oh, and six legs. It was hanging from a neon-green tree by its tail.

"I...Hello?" Gust greeted uncertainly. "Don't suppose you can direct me towards Discord?"

*SKREONK?*

The draconic creature twisted its body almost three-hundred sixty degrees, its front standing on its front legs while its tail still held onto a tree branch. The honk was more curious this time, giving Gust a quizzical look.

Gust blinked. He didn't understand this creature, but he felt like he understood the meaning. "Yeah, Discord? Big guy, lots of different body parts? The head kind of looks like a goat?" he said before motioning to everything. "He turned everything into this?"

The honking, wingless dragon nodded as it fully came down out of the tree.

Had the tail always been that long? Gust was positive that tail had not been that long before.

Without warning, the creature wrapped the tail around the trunk of the tree- and promptly plucked it off the ground with a *pop* noise.

Despite everything, Gust looked owlishly to the smooth piece of ground where the tre had been. No roots, nothing to mark it had been there.

The draconic beast moved several paces to the side before placing down the tree again, wiggling it as to fasten and secure it to the ground.

"Oooookay? How does that help anything?" Gust questioned, wondering if he was just wasting his time.

The creature promptly used its tail to point to where the top of the tree use to be.

Gust followed the direction and gapped. As if it had been hidden there the whole time, he could see a giant cube floating in the distance.

"That...was not there before," he said, very certain of that.

His six-legged friend nodded in confirmation. Reminding Gust that this place worked on an illogical nature he was best not trying to comprehend.

"Right, well, thanks for the help. I hope you have a good sleep," Gust said as he took to the sky once more.

*SKREONK!*

Gust chose to translate that honk as a "You're Welcome!"

He flew on and on, ignoring most of the sights of the Strangelands, focusing on the target.

As it came into focus, he retracted his opinion about this thing being "ordinary" in any way. The cube was divided into smaller cubes, forming three-by-three divisions on each side, each having the look of different terrain. And, somehow, the individual rows and columns were turning. Each one moved at a steady pace before coming to a halt in place, only for another random one to move in either direction.

"The Palace of Relativity, or whatever the Guardians called it," Gust summarized as he studied it. "So, this is the home Lord Discord made for his mares."

He flew up to the massive structure. It was larger than he expected. Each side had to be thousands of yards in length; it wouldn't be hard for a whole village to live on the sides of these cubes. Assuming gravity wasn't an issue.

On that thought, he cautiously flew closer, landing on the side where a desert met the ocean to form a beach. He looked out, finding himself sideways to the ground, but he clearly wasn't about to fall off to the ground below.

"Huh. This is actually kind of nice," Gust mused as he looked around at the beach, until he felt the ground rumbling beneath him. "I had to open my sarding mouth."

The row he was on began to turn. Despite every instinct telling him to take off, to fly away before he fell off the side somehow, he had the urge off to see what would happen if he stayed.

After a few nerve wracking seconds and watching the corner of the unmoving row fly by, he found that the miniature ocean was now gone, replaced by a field of barren mountains.

Including one that was smoking.

*FLOOM!*

Strike that, it was erupting!

And regardless of how much he trusted Discord, he was not about to take risks with a mountain belching fire and death.

Gust took to the sky, watching the volcano cautiously as it churned out smoke and spat out the occasional fireball that lands into the Strangelands below, presumably harmless.

Gust tilted his head as he saw a figure near the top of the volcano. It wasn't Discord, unless Discord took on pony form in his spare time. Actually, on second thought, Gust decided that was a distinct possibility.

He flew down and decided that it was not Discord, because he recognized this rather famous mare. The only surprise was that it wasn't Lily Frost. "Clover the Clever?" he asked curiously.

The unicorn coughed several time, covered in splotches of black and blue. "A pony?" she asked as she cleared her throat. "What are you doing here? Wait, aren't you with the Centracustos?"

"Actually, for time being, I'm in charge of them," Gust introduced. "Officer Gust. I came to deliver a message to Lord Discord?"

"R-really? Must be important, coming out here. The Strangelands can be Tartarus to navigate," Clover said with a frown.

"It helps when you ask for directions," he commented idly, looking her up and down again. "What are you doing here, if I might ask? You're not the unicorn I expected to find out here."

"Oh, just some experiments. We're using the volcano to dispose of the magical waste. Something got clogged though. That or something is living in the lava again," Clover answered idly as she looked down inside the volcano.

"Again?" Gust repeated with a raised eyebrow.

"Trust me, I stopped being surprised after the first week," Clover answered with a shudder before scrunching her eyes shut. "No, no! Don't think about it Clover. The mudsnakes can't hurt you, and they're only made of mud no matter how much they look like they're made of something terribly worse!"

Gust leaned away at that, the mental imagery already something he wanted to get rid of. "Right. So. How do I talk to Lord Discord?"

"Just tap your hoof five or eight times," Clover answered casually.

Gust stared. "Five or eight?"

"Yeah. Doesn't matter which, as long as it's five or eight," Clover answered with a shrug of her withers.

Gust decided not to question that and took Clover's advice, tapping his hoof five times.

The instant the fifth tap was made, he vanished from the volcano and found himself elsewhere.

Elsewhere happened to be a completely ordinary living room...made of jello. Purple jello

"Gust!" Discord greeted from the couch. "Welcome to my abode! Here, sit for a bite and eat a seat," Discord encouraged, carving a off a piece of jello with his tail, slurping it more like spaghetti than anything.

"Lord Discord," Gust greeted, warily taking a bite of the jello. "...I can't taste anything?"

"Interesting, no? Clover accidentally made it. She thinks it might be useful for oral health or something like that," Discord said absently. "Now, why is the future Captain of the Centracrustos here?"

"Don't jinx it," Gust requested. "There's been a problem back in Fundony."

Discord didn't look surprised, in fact he barely looked interested beyond his amusement. Gust wouldn't be surprised if he already knew everything.

"There has been sightings of griffon raiders from the east. We don't know if they're bandits or part of Griffinstone yet, but they know we exist," Gust informed.

"And what do my lovely tenants want from me in this regard?" Discord asked idly.

"Let me guess!" Lily Frost said as she descended from a staircase of jello. "Hurricane wants Discord's permission to deal with them on their own, Platinum wants him to deal with them himself, and Puddinghead is hoping he'll help solve it peacefully."

Gust ignored the words for a moment as he took stock of Lily's appearance. She was the same as normal, right down to the collar with a broken chain leash. But her mane was clearly a mess and she looked very...worn out.

She also had a limp.

"Well, I don't need to ask what you've been doing," Gust remarked.

"Getting divinely sarded," Lily answered proudly as she took a seat next to Discord, who grinned and wrapped a tail around her.

"I said I didn't need to ask," Gust said with a sigh. "But yes. They didn't say as much, but that would be my guess more or less. Officially, they just want you informed that, and I quote, someone is trespassing on your land."

"Nopony has been hurt," Discord said knowingly. "If they're bandits, they're either very cautious or well behaved."

"Last we heard of Griffinstone, they were at war with the Dragons," Gust remarked. "But that was years ago."

"That ended in a draw a long while ago," Discord confirmed. "That's why the Bearbugs showed up. The Griffons have been driving them out of their own northern territories."

Gust hummed, deciding to tell everypony that when he got back. "So, what is your response then?"

"Good question!" Discord said, stroking his beard. "Better question, where are Celestia and Luna?"

Gust tilted his head. "I assumed you knew?"

Discord's smile dropped.

"I...don't like that look," Gust said uneasily.

"You shouldn't," Lily agreed. "It means either someone is in trouble, or they're going to be."

"Personal experience," Gust couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, you have no idea," Lily said with a grin.

"Enough," Discord said firmly, his tone more than his words quieting them. "The Alicorns aren't in my territory, Fundony or Strangelands."

"Do they do that often?" Gust asked uncertainly.

"No, this is new," Lily answered with a frown. "Lord Discord, could you heal me?"

With a wave of his talons, it was done.

"What are you doing?" Gust asked curiously.

"Clover and I will be returning with you to Fundony while Discord searches for Celestia and Luna. If something happened to them, this might be more serious than anypony thought," Lily explained.

Discord said nothing, simply sitting there with his arms crossed, his eyes looking far, far away.

"Is he okay?" Gust asked in concern.

"Yes, he's just trying to find them by forming eyes in various places beyond his lands. The faster we leave, the faster he can search properly," Lily said as she stood up, pointing her horn to the ceiling.

With a glow of her magic, she cut a circle into it. That circle fell to reveal of a cylinder of jello, longer than Gust could even guess. The bottom fused to the floor as it kept coming up it reveal a hole in the ceiling, leading straight up through the jiggly substance.

Gust waited patiently, hearing a fait scream come from the tube. It got louder and louder until Clover the Clever fell out of it, landing in shock.

"Must you do that?!" Clover demanded, wiping the jello from her mane.

"Griffons might be invading and the Alicorns are missing," Lily Frost filled in.

"Oh. Okay, that changes things," Clover accepted. "We helping hold down the fort?"

"That seems to be the plan," Gust said, giving Discord a wary look. "Are you sure he's okay? He hasn't moved...at all the past few minutes."

"Not physically. Magically? Spiritually? He's probably miles away already," Clover explained knowingly. "So, how do we get to Fundony this time?"

"Well, we haven't eaten much," Lily Frost said, looking at the ground.

"Seriously?" Gust asked, not sure why he was even surprised.

"Yes, very. My mouth hasn't tasted Lord Discord in days."

Discord smirked as Gust face palmed, regretting many of his life choices.