Eldritch 39

"Alright, so, what did you both want to see me about?" Issei asked curiously.

He and the church duo sat in a cabin that Yad had brought them to last night. It was a rather cozy setting, even if it felt a little out of place somehow. 

Irina scratched her head nervously. "Well...."

"Right, yeah, stupid question," Issei acknowledged. "Is this anything to do with the Church being afraid that the Eldritch are going to end the world or something like that?"

"End, turn the entire human race into slave-cultists or breeding vessels for various horrors, and any other terrible fate one associates with the Eldritch," Xenovia answered bluntly.

"Xenovia," Irina said, her tone lightly scolding.

"Yeah, I'm going to be having this conversation a lot I'm sure," Issei said with a sigh. "No, the Eldritch as a faction are not planning to take over or destroy the Earth. And I've made it a general policy to try to keep those getting stirred up from doing too much damage."

"Policy," Xenovia repeated slowly. 'That's another thing."

"We've heard that you are apparently dubbed by them as the King of the Eldritch. Or rather, King of the Eldritch Gods?" Irina remarked.

"I'm sure that's not winning me any friends around most faiths," Issei said with a head shake.

"We mainly wanted to clarify what that means and how that happened," Xenovia pressed on with a frown. "Why would the Eldritch call a mortal, former or not, their monarch?"

"Because I am?" Issei answered as he leaned back. "Long story short, Aza has been in love with me for about a thousand different literal lifetimes. This lifetime is when I finally decided to hook up with her, and she made it so that I'm turning into an Eldritch God."

“Lifetimes? Wait, so, are you a god or not right now?" Irina asked in confusion.

"Technically I am one, as weird as that is to think about. I'm just not that strong yet. It's a slow thing, growing into all that power," Issei answered. "But I'm already Eldritch."

"And yet they treat you like their King? I thought it was a boastful title or symbolic of your marriage to the Daemon Sultana, but I saw clearly that the Eldritch fear and obey you, even their mightier gods give heed to you," Xenovia remarked skeptically.

"Things are different for the Eldritch. I'm going to live forever, and so are they. I'm going to be an Outer God one day that will be stronger than most of them. And I have Aza regardless. They don't see treating me as their King now as any different than in thousands or millions of years for now," Issei waved off. "Or, as some of them put it, they don't see the point in pissing me off when they have to spend eternity with me, and I'm going to be their superior.

"I see. And what are your plans as King, Issei?" Irina asked curiously.

"Right now, I'm just dealing with things as they develop," Issei answered with a shrug.

"That's it?" Xenovia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Aza is...hands off, as you might know," Issei pointed out. "While a lot of things are happening because of us getting hitched, most of the Eldritch Gods are only reacting so quickly because of me. Otherwise, well, a lot of these things would have gotten worse before they were dealt with."

Xenovia hummed to herself.

Irina decided to take the lead here. "But enough about that. So....I have to ask, what is the Queen like? She must have been quite something to grab your attention."

Issei chuckled and leaned back in thought. "It's funny, really. She showed up one day and just asked me out. Some cute girl I didn't know told me she was my secret admirer. Which was true, I guess, but I couldn't believe my luck at the time. Then some Fallen angels tried to kill me after our date."

'Wait, Fallen Angels? How did they get involved?" Irina asked in confusion. "Did they...think she was some lower-tier Eldritch or something?"

"oh, they had no idea she wasn't human. No, I have a sacred gear and they wanted to kill me before it awakened," Issei explained.

"You're a fledgling Eldritch God, with a sacred gear?" Xenovia asked in surprise. "Which one?"

Issei wordlessly held up his hand and made the gauntlet appear.

"....Is that the Gauntlet of the Red Dragon Emperor, one of the Two Heavenly Dragons....?!" Irina whispered out in disbelief.

"Indeed," Ddraig answered, making the Church duo jump in their seats. "Greetings, I am the Welsh Dragon, Ddraig."

"One of the two dragons who's fighting made the three factions unite to put them down," Xenovia said in shock.

"Indeed. And if I may put in my own two cents about this discussion?" Ddraig started. "It would be wise for you and the Church to pay heed to the young Kungur. He is remarkably unambitious."

"Hey!" Issei glared at the gauntlet.

"He has most of the Eldritch faction all willing, some even eager to obey his command. He has the Daemon Sultana, who would gladly lay entire worlds at his feet. And all this one wants to do is spend time with his wife and build his harem. He would much rather everyone live in peace than conquer those unwilling to be subjugated."

".....Who wants to be willingly subjugated?" Irina asked in confusion.

"You would be surprised," Issei said evasively. "But yeah, what Ddraig said. I still find the idea of people worshipping me weird. Not going to stop them, obviously, but I'm not interested in them doing some kind of mass conversion or anything like that."

"....He did say harem, right? The Queen doesn't mind you having a harem?" Irina asked curiously.

"Please, she's practically helping him build it sometimes," Ddraig said with a snort.

Issei didn't deny that, grinning fondly to himself.

"You have the Queen of the Eldritch and you still desire other women?" Xenovia asked with a raised eyebrow. "You truly are a lustful one."

"Yep," Issei admitted without reservation or hesitation.

"Yep, that's still Issei,' Irina said in amusement. "I believe him."

Xenovia looked at Irina for a moment before addressing Issei again. "Be that as it may, there have been several Eldritch incidents around the globe."

"You do realize that with how limbs off Aza is, the Eldritch faction is very loosely aligned in most regards, right?" Issei pointed out. "We try to deal with them, but there are always going to be some that are just doing their own thing. We deal with them as best we can, when we become aware of them."

"As you can?" Irina asked. "Isn't your...wife basically all-powerful?"

'She is....but if you had her try to solve everything, the entire planet would die. At best," Issei reminded. "...You really don't like us that much, do you, Xenovia?"

"While we consider eldritch cultists heathen and their worship blasphemous? God and the Church tolerate their existence, knowing that any "successful" conflict with you can only result in the End of Days," Xenovia answered pointedly.

God? Issei raised an eyebrow at that. It dawned on him that Xenovia and Irina, like most, had no idea that the God of the Bible was dead. Well, it wasn't like him telling them would go over well, so he decided to keep a lid on it. "That's a shame. I'm hoping we can be friends."

"Friends or...something else?" Irina asked sheepishly.

Issei blinked, twice. "I mean.....that's sudden, but I wouldn't really say no?"

"Oh, I see what's going on here," Ddraig interrupted with a hearty chuckle. "Did the Church send you two here, to offer yourselves as sacrifices to appease him if all else failed?"

Their silence was very telling.

"Seriously?" Issei said, wiping a hand over his face with a groan. "Look, not that I wouldn't be interested, because you are both really hot!"

Irina blushed a bit while Xenovia hummed rather curiously at that.

"But that's really not necessary," Issei assured. "The only sacrifice I've accepted is Asia, and that was a specific situation."

"Asia Argento, right? The Heathen Nun?" Xenovia asked with a scowl.

Issei scowled and the temperature might have dropped. "Right. That little angel got kicked out by your bosses for healing a devil, didn't she?"

"We don't expect you to understand this, but Devils are our enemies. Healing one of their kind is practically blasphemy against God," Xenovia remarked coldly.

"Tread lightly, Warrior of the Vatican," Ddraig cautioned pointedly. "His patience is not limitless. And he could shatter you with a word."

Irina looked to the frowning Issei in worry, who never took his eyes off Xenovia. "I'm not that kind of petty asshole. Leave Asia alone and we'll just not touch that issue," he said firmly.

Xenovia nodded. "Thank you, and...I apologize," she glanced to the side. "I'm not exactly a great diplomat. I was mainly set-"

"Because you're hot?" Issei guessed.

"Issei," Irina said with a sigh of exasperation.

"That, and I wield a holy sword, which would help me defend Irina and myself from any enemies we might run into," Xenovia explained.

"Not a bad idea. The supernatural world seems to be everywhere once you know about it," Issei said. "Look, I made peace with the Fallen Angels, I cleared things up with the Devil, and I see no reason not to be on good terms with the Vatican too. Honestly, the only thing I'm remotely happy about this scare I gave everyone is that it seems like worrying about the Eldritch is keeping the peace between everyone else."

"You're not wrong," Irina acknowledged. "I've heard that things have gotten very quiet on all other fronts. Yeah, there are more incidents with the Eldritch, but I don't think any of the exorcists or others have fought with devils, fallens, yokai, vampires, or anyone else for a while now."

"Oi, I like that, but it almost sounds like everyone is uniting against the Eldritch," Issei said with a sigh.

"We are. It's just that even the Eldritch are uniting with us against the Eldritch," Xenovia said with a hint of a smile. "I'm not sure what to think of you, King of the Outer Pantheon, a human who has given up his humanity to join their ranks. But Irina seems to trust you, and so I shall trust her judgment. Also...I freely admit, you could have killed or warped our minds by now if you wanted to. I hear you have the Dream-Witch on a leash."

"A leash?" Issei repeated in surprise. "oh, no, she just wears chains as part of her clothes. It's kind of hot, but no leash."

"Really?" Irina said, looking thoughtful. "I guess that information about the Queen giving him the Dream-Witch as a pet must have been wrong."

".....Where did you hear that, exactly?" Issei asked, very curious.

They shared a look before Xenovia answered. "The Vatican keeps track of certain Eldritch cults, the ones that tend to have the most information. I believe that is, well, a myth they have made up for you."

"Yeah, that makes sense. On one hand, I want to put off having an official cult, but at the same time, I'd rather not have them saying that stuff about Yid and the others," Issei mused before glancing up. "Then again, I'm sure I'll have a few embarrassing myths made up about me."

"I have to ask, isn't it...strange to be on such casual terms with all these gods?" Irina asked in interest.

"Oh, you have no idea!" Issei said, putting a hand over his face as he gave out a laugh. "And that's ignoring the politics and family drama that comes with being a part of this group, let alone the new head of the household."

"....Aren't all of eldritch politics just family drama?" Xenovia asked with a furrowed brow.

"It is a very convoluted family," Ddraig agreed.

"Don't act like you didn't nearly piss yourself the first time you met Shub," Issei taunted with a smile.

"Can you not spare me an ounce of dignity?!" Ddraig protested in annoyance.

Xenovia hummed to herself. This certainly wasn't what she expected, but it didn't seem to be exactly bad news. "So....if the Vatican were to keep agents in the area of Kuoh to inform and inquire to you about certain Eldritch events....?"

Issei just gave her a lazy thumbs-up in response.

"Just like that?" Irina asked, surprised but amused.

'Just like that."

"THE HELL!?" Xenovia yelled as she and Irina jumped from the couch, pulling out their weapons.

Or, they would have, if Yog hadn't pointed out two fingers in a V-shape, each digit extending into a twisting limb of glowing yellowish light that shot out to stop the weapons from appearing in mid-manifestation.

"Put those things away, and keep it down," Yog said with a yawn and bags under her eyes, flexing her mutated fingers and pushing the weapons back into nonexistence.

"Issei, is she friendly?!" Irina asked in alarm.

"Yog, what the heck happened to you?" Issei asked in concern. "You look like you got hungover after an all-nighter.

"Kind of feels like that," Yog admitted with a yawn, her fingers returning to normal as she used the hilt of her sword to rub her eyes. "Taking over for Yad is like going from big picture CEO to office grunt working on the nitty-gritty all night."

"Not...exactly getting a lot of sympathy from me. That just makes it sound like Yad needed this switch up," Issei mused.

"She likes the nitty-gritty! She's just enjoying spending time with you!" Yog countered, practically pouting.

"Wait, Yog as in....?" Xenovia said slowly.

"Outer-Goddess that is technically Time herself? Yes," Issei explained casually. ""Seriously, is this about you and Yad switching or are you just having some kind of detox from not rewinding things as often?"

"Kungur, please don't spread my shame," Yog said flatly.

"It's fine, you can warp it so they don't remember," Issei assured with a sigh.

They both became alarmed at that. "Wait, what do you-"

Iangu.

"Wait, Yog as in....?" Xenovia said slowly.

"Outer-Goddess that is technically Time herself? Yes," Issei explained casually, again, trying not to roll his eyes. "So this is what this feels like," he muttered under his breath.

"Yes, yes. I am the Guardian of the Gate, the Key to the Gate, the Gate Itself, and all that business," Yog waved o. "anyway, yes, whenever your priests and angels decide to station one or both of you here for the job, you'll be on the list of people we don't mentally fuck with and make them leave the Kungur and the Sultana alone."

Irina blinked, looking at Issei who shrugged. "If they're not hostile, it's the safe kind of mindfuckery, the kind where you just go on with your life and never knew anything happened."

"Creepy," Irina pointed out. "But I guess that makes sense. Things man was not meant to know and all that."

"You said that confidentiality, though, that it will be Irina, myself, or both of us," Xenovia noted curiously. "Do you foresee that, Time Goddess?

"Yep," Yog answered casually, smirking a bit. "Among other things, Zthoofthud."

Xenovia narrowed her eyes warily. "What did you call me?"

"Nothing you wouldn't want to be called," Yog said with a smile. "After all, I may not be your god, but that doesn't mean I don't know your deepest desires. And no, before you ask, that's not an offer of any kind."

"I think I like the other one more," Irina said to Issei.

"You mean Yad? Yeah, they're actually the same person," Issei explained, getting a confused look. "Don't ask, Time-goddess working on different levels of existence."

"Anyway, I'm here to call this meeting to a close because the Center needs her Center," Yog informed, looking meaningfully at Issei.

The young Eldritch sighed. "What happened, what's wrong with Aza?"

"Well, while you just played hooky for the day, Aza decided to take a peak in through the illusionary Avatar she has an attending class in her place," Yog explained. "Yeah, some girls are trying to convince her to dump you. So, yeah, she's really tempted to mind-melt some young ladies."

"Is....is that normal?" Irina asked Issei carefully.

Issei just shook his head in exasperation as Yog cut a portal into existence. "Yeah, I got to go. Ladies, it was lovely meeting you both despite everything. Irina, I hope we can catch up some more before you leave if you leave? Feel free to use this house as long as you need," Issei offered before leaving with a wave.

"Well....that was....interesting?" Irina said slowly, looking at Xenovia with a head tilt. "What did she mean about your deepest desire?"

"Don't pay it any mind, just tricks of an abominable god," Xenovia said with a sigh.