New Beginnings

In my youth I was never able to put on weight. I had a real complex about it. Especially since my younger brother was always super athletic and had the perfect muscular proportions. There were often the comments about how Mikey had such a badonk and how Matt had no ass at all. It was all in fun but those things stick. I started waking up at 5 am in high school to get a workout in before class started. That’s when my relationship with the gym began. But even into my 20s, it didn’t seem to matter how many days a week I’d get into the gym, I couldn’t put any real muscle on. I’d eat and eat and eat trying to put any form of weight. I didn’t care if it was fat, I just wanted to be something other than the skinny, gangly guy.

This body perception never really left me. Even in my 30s as I started to grow out of my twinky figure, I still always felt a bit too skinny. So you can imagine my delight when I spoke with Steven, my producing partner and the director of Sheepdog, and he and I came to the decision that my character would be one that eats his pain away. It was important to us that I represented in a physical way the guys we sat in front of over the past 10 years who shared their stories with us. This meant I was embarking on a physical transformation unlike anything I had ever done before. Over 3 months I put on 50 lbs.

After we wrapped production I was faced with dealing with all this extra weight. Obviously loosing it was going to be a lot more challenging than putting it on. Now I am in my 40s and that shit sticks around. I went back to eating healthier and hitting the gym 3-5 days a week. These immediate changes in routine did make a substantial difference in dropping inches around the waistline but I hit a point where things just plateaued. Honestly, there was a little part of me that loved living in this new more cuddly body. My kids and husband loved it too.

After almost 2 years of embracing the body of a man who enjoys life, I had a couple big events coming up within a few weeks of each other; my brother’s wedding in Mexico and the world premiere of Sheepdog. Being that I was going to be on a beach for most of my time in Mexico, I was looking to feel hot in a bathing suit. I also wanted to show up to the premiere not looking the same as my character in the movie. So I got committed to a fitness situation. I went hard and felt pretty great. However, it was relatively short lived. After these events I slipped right back into old habits. My workouts felt stagnant and I did not how to manage a way of eating that produced results but also felt sustainable.

I saw a before-and-after photo of a fashion guy I follow on Instagram and gave it a like. It was truthfully quite impressive. He had been working with a new trainer online and was sharing an appreciation post. A week later the trainer had dropped me a message saying he noticed I liked the photo and asked if I would be interested in talking. I was reluctant at first. I told him I wasn’t sure I had the bandwidth to take on a commitment like that at the time. I decided to take a quick chat with him anyway. I am so glad I did. The plan he had put together was more thorough than any workout and diet plan I had ever seen and I have worked out with many trainers over the years. It was tailored to both the time and effort I was able to put in. After a couple weeks I was seeing results and feeling better than I had in years. I found myself making time in my schedule to sneak in a little more gym time. I have never actually looked forward to working out like I find myself doing now. I know it’s still early in my journey, maybe a honeymoon phase,  but I feel an excitement for my health I never have.

This all said, who knows how I will feel in a year from now. Maybe I will miss my cuddle bug dad bod. Maybe I will miss my more liberal naughty eating routine. But right now, I am enjoying reclaiming the ownership of my health and fitness. This isn’t really just about dropping pounds and occasional thirst traps on IG, though these things can be fun, it’s about a mindset, a commitment that I am making for myself.

I look forward to sharing my journey with you guys here on Patreon. And if you have ever made a commitment to health or fitness let me know what helped or continues to help you. More next week, but thanks for being here. This space means a lot.