December 2021 - $1 Tier Apology Email
Added 2022-01-01 18:01:02 +0000 UTCHello [YOUR NAME],
Greetings and a very happy New Year! We hope that [YEAR NUMBER] is a great year for you and your family / home / street gang of residence. Thanks again for the dollar you loaned us last month. We were really looking forward to returning it to you - do you have CashApp by the way? - but unfortunately there’s been one small issue. We were at a New Year’s Eve Party in the local sewers, as is New Year’s Tradition in our part of the country (California) and we were partying the night away, dollar in hand, so excited to return it to you! But just then, we were approached by a woman. That’s right.
She came right up to us, and let me tell you, [YOUR NAME], she was beautiful. She was 11 feet tall and made completely of steel and carbon fiber and had to have had the brightest eyes we’d ever seen. We were immediately entranced by her beauty. She told us, in her own language which consisted of honking and engine revving - epic, right? - that she’d like to be our New Year’s Kiss. But there was one catch, and it was that she needed the dollar in our hands. So we made the executive decision to hand it over. We had an amazing night, and then she drove away. We never got her name.
Anyways, we’ve gone ahead and debited your card on file for another dollar. Also, do you know anything about how to look up license plates for sentient semi-truck women? Drop us a line. Thanks.
Happy New Year, [YOUR NAME].
Comments
As a sentient, semi truck driver, I can verify people like that truly are a rare model. Breed. Series? This is getting complicated.
Christopher Day
2022-01-16 09:05:45 +0000 UTCNice
Eltes
2022-01-08 01:15:14 +0000 UTCShe needed the dollar for chicken nuggies
Katie Horbelt
2022-01-05 22:20:06 +0000 UTCI guess I'll forgive you this time. After all, 11 foot tall babes only come once in a lifetime. Just remember to post a pic next time.
rubynall
2022-01-03 08:41:57 +0000 UTCYes I do have Cashapp: $beastierocker
Seth Cutter
2022-01-03 02:31:30 +0000 UTCShe is stunning, spend all of my f'in dollars on that babe
R W
2022-01-02 16:47:47 +0000 UTCJoke’s on you, I was the robot and now I finally have my fucking dollar back AND I got a dang kiss!
C.j. Malm
2022-01-02 12:41:32 +0000 UTCAre the grumps on acid
2022-01-02 08:14:37 +0000 UTCYou guys always brighten my day! 😊
Melissa Di Varano
2022-01-01 20:01:19 +0000 UTCWHAT THE FUCK MAN YOU KNOW THAT'S MY TYPE! GOD DAMNIT WHY DIDNT YOU GIVE HER MY NUMBER!? YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMEN EVER!!!!
TheSpookiestSkeleton
2022-01-01 19:41:04 +0000 UTCOptimus Prime is NOT gonna be happy when he finds out you been messin' with his gal!
Dax Cross
2022-01-01 18:25:39 +0000 UTCThat is fair
2022-01-01 18:23:00 +0000 UTCI read it in the Friend Aaron voice and hear Dan cackling in the background.
Ravenstar
2022-01-01 18:20:50 +0000 UTCWho here reads this in Dan's voice?
2022-01-01 18:14:07 +0000 UTCWell honestly I think if you go to any near local car shop and they'll know about her, and I would say go from there, good luck on your love journey grumps
Destiny Miller
2022-01-01 18:12:22 +0000 UTCSounds like a good start to the New Year 😂 Happy New Year everyone!!
CheetahZoey
2022-01-01 18:08:49 +0000 UTCDon’t apologize to me you brilliant [CUNGADERO]. You’ll always be [POSITIVE AFFIRMATION] to me.
Jerimiah
2022-01-01 18:05:32 +0000 UTCHappy new year guys! Look forward to see where my loaned money will go. 😂
G Hamby
2022-01-01 18:05:30 +0000 UTCwas she....was she hot!
Natasha Kennedy
2022-01-01 18:04:45 +0000 UTC
