May 2022 - $1 Apology Email
Added 2022-06-01 17:30:01 +0000 UTCHello [YOUR NAME],
We couldn’t think of anything to use your borrowed $1 bill on this month, so instead of purchasing something we merely placed it under our computer. Now, we can’t find it. Our officemate Beatrice watched as we overturned the entire padded cell where we work throughout the day and eventually got so annoyed at us that she suggested we look underneath our computer. There’s no way it could be there, taped to the base of the laptop, and we think the suggestion is insulting, frankly. We refuse to look.
We think Beatrice took it. Do you have any ideas where your $1 could be? In the meantime, we’ve debited your card on file for one more dollar to spite Beatrice.
Hope all is well and sorry to hear about your [RECENT INCONVENIENCE].
Thanks again for all your support, [CORDIAL, NON-PATRONIZING NICKNAME FOR RECIPIENT OF THIS LETTER].
Comments
Unplug the router, scream at it for 30 seconds, plug it back in, fart in a corner, and your dollar will fall out from behind Beatrice's ear. I specify your dollar, because my dollar is taped to the bottom of your laptop. Idiots.
Christopher Day
2022-06-29 07:17:00 +0000 UTCLet’s step outside of the bit here. Give me my F****** DOLLAR BACK, I’M TALKING SPECIFICALLY TO YOU ARIN!
miguel cantu
2022-06-07 03:20:41 +0000 UTClook under beatrice's laptop its gotta be there!
ben barnett
2022-06-03 23:10:07 +0000 UTCHave you tried looking UNDER the dollar that’s taped to your laptop? Just a thought.
Mattari
2022-06-02 10:00:26 +0000 UTCit was definitely beatrice!
christheidiot
2022-06-02 06:34:16 +0000 UTCHave you tried turning the computer off and on again?
Raphtor
2022-06-02 04:24:10 +0000 UTCHmm, starting to think I'll never get my dollars back... But, no, that's crazy.
Antje Dros
2022-06-01 18:52:00 +0000 UTCWe can’t let this keep happening, guys. It keeps getting away from you. The bank needs to know TODAY if you can pay the minimum or else we’re gonna have to repossess you squirrel fingers. This is your final warning.
lilbabymanz
2022-06-01 17:55:40 +0000 UTCShoe
Rori Moon
2022-06-01 17:54:33 +0000 UTCI don't think it was Beatrice.. perhaps a portal to another space-time opened and sucked it right off into infinity?
Matt Monaco
2022-06-01 17:46:35 +0000 UTCHave you checked your pockets?
Melissa Di Varano
2022-06-01 17:45:14 +0000 UTCI appreciate your apology and that it came in a timely manner. I would like to know - when can we expect the next round of the Game Grumps tour? I was supposed to come to this one but due to family emergency I have to miss the show (which, wow, you even non-specifically address it!)
Mr. A (Barracius)
2022-06-01 17:33:55 +0000 UTCTHE NICKNAME IS ‘LOVELY’ THANK YOU VERY MUCH CUZ WE ALL LOVELY
Lanyard09
2022-06-01 17:31:54 +0000 UTC
