"Lucian" A mini-comic

I put a content warning, but just in case, to clarify, there are some bits of internalized homophobia, transphobia, and racism.

It's an unfortunately very present aspect of Lucian haha

I can't say I really know why I made this. I think it was a culmination of many different frustrations, both with my own life/experience, as well as that of how I make my story. I hate being vulnerable and authentic in a way that isn't humorous. I don't toe the line very well between tasteful and cliché. But there's no way to get better than trying and there's no character I've thought more about than Lucian, at least in the last few years.

There is a lot to his character, some that I've been able to express, much more I haven't. I think a lot not only about the present version of him, but who he was and how that colors every aspect of him. He likes to think he can have a clean slate in a new life, but he's not someone that can just let everything go. Personally, I like to think of him as someone who is kind because he was a very unkind person before. He was not secretly a very kind person hidden underneath it all. It was built with time, through many, many mistakes. He's patient, perhaps too forgiving, and willing to give as much love as is desired because he both lacked and was not allowed to develop those traits.

I struggled a lot with balancing my own personal thoughts with what Lucian would think, as well as what I want to keep as a narrative for Lucent. There's a lot to be touched on when it comes to matters of his identity as it pertains to race, ethnicity, and the intersection between it and his sexuality and gender. It's made worse by his habit of shoving anything too difficult to think through out of the way and never actually dealing with it. It calcifies into this deep resentment for himself, one that takes a long, long time to heal. It is very difficult to be someone who learns empathy and must come to terms with their actions, especially when they are not particularly strong haha. But that's why I've liked working with Lucian. He doesn't really have that strong of a constitution, but he has enough to keep going, though he struggles a lot with it. I find love from that kind of person the most impactful at times.

I had a lot I wanted to ramble about, but suddenly I lack the words. I want to keep much of it for when I reach that in the narrative. Sorry if this was super cringe haha, I'll end up making more like it, and hopefully, it will be better in the future. This was mostly a vent/emotional catharsis for me so I didn't come in with much of a plan.