No podcast this month

I'll make up for it by doing an extra long one next month.

But basically, the problem is is that this month has been hell. I got sick, I think. My sinuses were all clogged up, my teeth were hurting and felt very sore, and best of all, I got this really fucking obnoxious ringing sound in my ear for nearly 2 and a half weeks straight. All of that seems to have subsided now (mostly), but the anxiety and bad vibes relating to it still linger. Even better, is that my apartment complex nearly burned down the other day. Someone lit a scooter parked against the wall on fire at 5am which was great. If that was the worst of it, I just would've gotten away with the scare and nothing else, but then some scum fuck from upstairs decided to blame us for the fire. No evidence, no reason given to do so, just "yeah i think you did it" despite the fact that HE was the one walking around downstairs when it happend. The police say it's fine and the person who the scooter belonged to says he knows who did it, and obviously I know it wasn't me. But it's been weighing down on me either way. I need to get out of here, pretty much. I'm anxious enough as it is, but due to my CPTSD, stuff like this is next to crippling. I'm not equipped to fuck with this. Add to that that the usual noise and general shit that comes with living in an ancient piece of shit building, already giving me stomach pains of worry, and the fact that I feel kinda stuck here, due to all of my issues being out of my control, and I end up feeling like shit.

I was gonna record the podcast earlier today, but then my modem died, turning my PC into a lemon. My only outlet, my only distraction, was taken away from me, and I realized I need some time to think. Ultimately I'd move, which would solve all of my current worries, but as I said I don't have any control over that. It could end up happening next week, or next year. I don't know, and there's fuck all I can do about it.

Anyway, my internet should be back soon, but I've barely been able to work on my actual videos the past weeks, and I just don't feel anywhere near good enough to get dressed and appear on camera. I've been feeling kinda depressed again lately, is what I'm saying.

So I'm sorry, but then I'm also not sorry cuz none of this is my fault. Regular videos should still continue (might skip a release a couple of weeks from now but we'll see) but I just can't muster the energy to feel good enough to podcast.

Thanks for reading if you did,

Thor