Daily Free-Write July 3, 2021: Alternative Education Pt. 2

Continuation of September 25, 2020 "Alternative Education"

Part 1 

"You know," said Amanda. "Whales and dolphins are mammals that returned to the ocean after they had evolved to walk on land. They still have their vestigial bones from that time. Fingers and toes that they'd never use."

"Uh huh. Uh huh. Fascinating." I just nodded and stared out the window sipping my 'fresh start' juice box and pretending to listen. This was turning into a long flight, just as I feared. And Amanda hadn't shut up the entire time.

"Maybe that's sort of what we'll be like after we enroll in the program. Preschoolers with the vestigial bones of our adult lives."

"That's... pretty dark, Amanda." I said, turning to look at her. I was somewhat horrified, but perhaps the most terrifying part of all was, "you may be right, though." I shuddered.

"Sorry," she said, looking down at her hands and fiddling with them. "I get really chatty when I'm nervous."

"Oh really? I couldn't tell," I said, rolling my eyes.

She leaned in close and whispered to me with her eyes  wide. "You know, I heard that the program lobotomizes difficult patients. They stick a hook right up their noses and pull out their brains, just like the ancient Egyptians did with the mummies. Did you know that the god Set-"

"Oh look," I said, nodding at the aisle. "Here they come with the food. Boy am I starved. I hate to interrupt a lovely conversation, but I think we'd better save the mummy conversation til after dessert."

"Okay," she said, snort-laughing. "I see what you did there. Desert. Dessert. Very punny!"

"Uh, yeah. Yup. Totally meant to do that. Oh, I'll have the chicken,  thanks," I said, turning to answer the flight attendant.

"Vegetarian for me," said Amanda. "You know the chickens they serve on flights are so pumped full of hormones-"

"On second thought, I think I'll have the vegetarian too," I said to the flight attendant. I had a feeling that particular topic would put me off my lunch for the rest of the month if I let Amanda continue.

By the time I had finished my meal, the in-flight movies were available, so I put on the complimentary headphones and pretended to nap as I listened to the soothing sounds of some terrorists being blown out of the sky by the brave protagonists, Awesome Woman and Captain Canada. Luckily, I was not further bothered by Amanda during my flight and the mind-numbing entertainment was sufficient to keep my thoughts at bay and keep those synapses from firing off paranoid thoughts about what life had in store for me. The only thing that disturbed my peaceful retreat was the urge to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, getting out of my glorified child-seat was no easy feat.

"Damn these buckles! Why can't I get out of this?" I mashed the 'Attendant' button and squirmed uncomfortably as I waited for one of the attendants to come.

"What's wrong?" asked Amanda.

"I have to go to the bathroom and I can't get this damn harness off," I said.

"Oh, well, you know that looks a lot like the kind of harnesses they use for German hospital restraints..."

"Yeah, yeah, that's all fascinating, but how does it help me get to the bathroom?"

"Well," she began, reaching into her bag, but I cut her off.

"No, no, I'll be fine thanks. I'm just going to wait for the attendant."

She shrugged and went back to reading her book and I continued to squirm until an attendant came.

"How can I help you?"

"I need to get out of these restraints. I have to go to the restroom pronto!"

"Oh, okay. Those are actually Fresh Start's restraints, so I'll have to get one of the Fresh Start staff to help you. They're the only ones with the keys to those harnesses."

"What? This is ridiculous. What if there's a fire? Huh?"

The attendant gave me a smile and kind of looked through me like I wasn't really there. "I'll let them know you need help. Just hang tight, kiddo."

"Thanks for nothing," I called out after them. I just hoped that they would get to me before I crapped my pants.

"I bet I can get you out of those," she said.

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "What are you gonna use? Magic?"

"Hehe, sure, if you want me to."

I just laughed. "You've read too many fantasy books, Amanda. There's no such thing as magic."

"Wanna bet?" she asked, closing her book and raising her eyebrows. I looked out into the aisle. No sign of the attendant or the Fresh Start staff.

"Fine," I said. "Do your worst. It couldn't be worse than doing nothing."

She placed her hand over her own buckle and said "Unlocko Restraintum". Immediately, the whole thing came unsnapped and she hopped out of her seat and walked onto the aisle. "There we go, easy as pie," she said with a grin. My jaw dropped.

"How did you...?"

"Magic," she said, simply. "Well, why don't you try it? I haven't got all day. I've got to use the little ladies' room myself, you know."

Dumbfounded, I tried it myself, feeling silly the whole time. Of course, it didn't work. I tried again, louder this time. Still nothing. I was getting frustrated, but then I noticed Amanda giggling a fit in the aisle and stopped. "Okay, what gives Amanda?"

"That was priceless, Zack! I'm sorry, I just had to. There is no magic. It's just magnets, see?"

She held up a magnet which she had palmed in her hand without me noticing, then passed it over the central buckle of the restraints. Sure enough, it all came undone and I was out and on the aisle.

"Well I'll be damned. Guess those facts do come in handy after all."

"Yeah," she said. "I'm kind of a genius. Now I'm gonna book it to the bathroom. I don't know what all these other people are gonna do but I'm not waiting around any longer."

The two of us hurried back to the lavatories just as we began to hear another passenger beginning to complain from somewhere further toward the front. "Damn these restraints. I'm gonna piss my pants! A little help? Anyone?"