The Deku-Shaped Hole - Chapter 6

"Missed me already, huh?"

Katsuki smiled faintly, dropping into the chair with a thud.

"Yeah, couldn't stand it," he agreed.

"Something on your mind?"

"Yeah."

Aizawa considered him carefully, waiting for him to continue, but Katsuki's lips remained closed.

"Are you going to tell me?"

"It's not something you want to hear about," he explained. "But I don't really have anyone else to talk to."

"You underestimate me. Start talking, kid."

A lump rose in Katsuki's throat, as if it might swell and prevent him from speaking. He swallowed hard, trying to force it back down, but still his voice was choked up as he tried to speak.

"Ever since I got back here, it's felt like something was wrong. I can't explain how, or what for that matter, but it's just like something isn't right and I can't stand it. What if something bad is going to happen and I could have prevented it? I don't know what I'm missing, and it's killing me."

He thought back to a sterile hospital room, the monotonous beeps that drove him insane.

"Poor choice of words," he cringed. "You know what I mean."

"What does it feel like? Are you sure you aren't getting sick? You've been stressed and busy, after all."

"No, it's different. It's like..." He paused, one hand moving to his chest slowly. "Like there's this weird ache in my chest sometimes, and I feel weirdly light. Sometimes I catch my stomach churning out of nowhere, and I have no idea what's causing it. But it's not like nausea, not completely. I don't think I'm sick."

Aizawa sighed, folding his arms across his desk, meeting Katsuki's eyes without a hint of embarrassment. 

"Like there's something missing inside you?"

"Yeah! Is this a known quirk or something?"

"Like there's a hole, except you don't know how to fill it?"

"Exactly!"

"What shape is the hole, Katsuki?"

"Huh? It's not- I didn't get shot or some shit, it's not a real hole. I thought you understood that."

"A carefully shaped hole, maybe a green one. Like there's a ghost following you around where there should be a person."

"Are you feeling okay? I'm- I don't-"

"Katsuki, have you considered that maybe you're just missing Midoriya?"

Katsuki froze, his heart pounding, and he looked down at his sweaty hands in alarm. Could that really be it? All this turmoil and aching, because he missed the shitty nerd?

"I once took a job across the country. I didn't think it would be a big deal, until I realised there was someone I wanted to see and I couldn't."

"I see him every day."

Aizawa gave him a sarcastic look, and Katsuki blushed, ducking his head.

"Well no one else is brave enough to go see him when he's in this state, someone has to keep an eye on the nerd."

"And maybe it's weird, seeing him so quiet? Maybe you're not used to being around him without hearing his voice?"

"Kacchan is amazing!"

Katsuki nodded faintly, conceding defeat, and Aizawa reached across the desk to pat his hand awkwardly.

"Sometimes we don't know how attached to someone we really are, until they're no longer there."

"What did you do?"

"I fought through my time at that agency, learned everything I possibly could, and then politely declined their full-time job offer."

"You came back for...?"

"Yes. And I never regretted my decision."

"Thank you, Sensei. This helped."

─────

Katsuki thumped the folder of paperwork down on the desk, ignoring the alarmed looks that darted his way in response. They'd been in the middle of a meeting, it seemed, but Katsuki had never let that stop him before. Why start now?

"Deku gave me complete power-of-attorney in the event that he was unable to make decisions for himself. I'm gonna start using it."

"E-Excuse me, Sir, I'm not sure I understand."

Katsuki was so damn tired. Exhausted. He'd hardly been sleeping, dealing with it all, and now he had to deal with a shitty manager who couldn't listen for shit? 

"I'm taking over this damn agency just like he wanted, and I refuse to leave until the doctors deem him fit to work again. If... If that doesn't happen, then I'll stay, under his guidance in management. But for as long as he wants me here, I'm not leaving."

"Running an agency isn't as simple as-"

"I've been running a fuckin' agency for the past five years," Katsuki growled. "I've been doing your fuckin' jobs too, so don't test me."

"Then what will happen to your-"

"Does that really matter?" he demanded, gritting his teeth. "I've fuckin' handled it, it's none of your business. I'm here, ain't I? I'm here to fill this damn fuckin' hole that he's left behind, and I know I won't fill it right, I'm not the same fuckin' shape as him, but it's better than leaving it empty."

The room fell silent, and finally they looked down at the paperwork, reading it properly. Katsuki watched them take in the signatures, eyebrows lowering. Izuku had always had two signatures, of course. His autograph was one, well-known to the public, and honestly a little too easy to forge if the urge arose. The other was rarely seen by anyone but his most trusted confidants, and was much more difficult to replicate. Katsuki knew there was no way they could accuse him of faking that one.

"I really do need to know where you got this."

"His mother, for fuck's sake. He told her if anything happened to his health or his business then she had to give it to me so I could make the tough decisions for him. He knows you shitheads are too damn soft to do the right thing."

With a little sigh, she nodded, and Katsuki folded his arms across his chest.

"I'll take this to our lawyers, to confirm, but it appears you have authority until he wakes."

He was so tired of seeing the newspaper articles on every corner, the gossip magazine covers, the hero journals analysing the performance. Could Hero Deku have won? and Top Hero bested by villains? They made him indescribably mad, but his agency was doing nothing about it, too scared of saying "he'll be fine" and then being proven wrong.

"Good, then I'm gonna walk out there into my place of business and tell my employees to get their asses into gear and save my city."

"I still need to check with-"

"I already know the result of your fuckin' checks, I'm gonna go do my damn job while you do this corporate bullshit."

"Mister Bakug-!"

"Are you gonna stop me?" he asked, his voice low. 

"W-Well, no, b-but-"

"Then I'm gonna go protect this damn town like the nerd would have."

─────

Katsuki jolted when the high-pitched alarm sounded. Footsteps pounded in the corridor, slamming the door open, and Katsuki could only watch with wide eyes as doctors and nurses began yelling directions across the room. He clutched tighter at Izuku's hand, praying the doctors wouldn't notice him, that no one would try to tear him away.

"Don't you dare," he whispered, when he felt a tingling in his gut. "Deku, I swear to God, don't you dare. Wake up or I'm gonna kill your ass myself, you hear me? No way does Deku die in a hospital bed. No way does Deku die before I can beat him in the charts."

The alarms continued to sound, people in labcoats still making orders he couldn't begin to comprehend, and Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut, tears pooling as he leaned in, pressing the cold hand to his lips.

"No way does Midoriya Izuku die before I can tell him I love him. Please, Deku. Please."

The tears were spilling over, the feeling in his stomach growing, radiating through his limbs. 

"Izuku, please," he sobbed, no longer caring who saw it or heard it. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know before. I was stupid. Please, please, please. Please. Just one minute, Deku. Just give me one minute to tell you."

The machines fell quiet, and Katsuki squeezed harder, bawling uselessly into a scarred hand. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by Katsuki's shameless sobs, and he leaned in closer to hug the arm tightly.

Bleep

His head flew up to see a green line darting across the dark screen. The same line he'd been staring at for days, a line he never knew would look so beautiful.

"He's stable," one of the doctors announced, letting out a short huff of air. "Check his vitals at every half hour until morning."

People began to trail out, an older nurse patting Katsuki on the shoulder as she passed. She smiled fondly when he looked up, face covered in drying tears, and crimson eyes darted briefly to the hand against his chest.

"Keep talking to him," she said quietly, her voice unbelievably kind. "He can hear you, every word. He needs you right now."

He nodded faintly, leaning in closer when the room emptied again, and stroked lightly at Izuku's hair.

"I'm sorry for getting so emotional," he murmured, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "You scared me, Deku. I really thought you were... You wouldn't, though, right? It would be such a pathetic way to die, dumb nerd. You've gotta... You've gotta stick around, okay? Your Mom would be heartbroken if she lost you. And all your friends. And... And me. You know that, right? I would be... Ruined."

He sniffed a little, his emotions getting the better of him once more, taking a moment to compose himself.

"If you can really hear me, you know how much I've been here. I don't ever want to leave you, not like this. But I've been looking after the city for you. I took care of your agency for you. And when you wake up, maybe we can talk about working together more often. I miss being at your side. I don't smile as much when you aren't around. You probably don't feel the same, and that's okay, but I just... I don't want to lose you without saying it, you know? I hate the thought of you dying at all, but especially without ever knowing. I'm gonna tell you the moment you wake up, okay? I promise, I'm not gonna be a self-absorbed idiot anymore."

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he swore as he reached for it, fumbling to silence the alarm.

"I have to go, Deku. People to take care of, y'know? But Bakushouchi is still here watching you. Mini Might too. So don't be lonely, okay?"

He stroked the limp curls one more time before he stepped back, taking a shuddering breath.

"Civilians await, Deku. I'll be back soon, I promise."