Leave a Light On - Chapter Two

Even though he'd heard Izuku say the words already, it still came as a shock to hear the announcement on the news. The lady saying them was so staunch, so unfeeling, as if she had zero concept of the ramifications it could have on the world.

“Pro-Hero Deku has announced his retirement, following the incident last week in which over a thousand people were injured or killed.”

He had the urge to throw something at the screen, but there were already enough heroes in the office who were wary of his temper. He didn't need to prove them right.

“With the number of up-and-coming heroes on the books these days, it will be exciting to see who will step in to fill his shoes at such a trying time. We went out this morning to ask viewers on the streets who they would like to see in his place.”

Katsuki left the lobby immediately, slamming the door behind him, and stormed up the stairs to the director's office.

“I want Deku's patrol area,” he declared, with no care for a greeting. “I'll do both, if you really want, but I need that patrol.”

He vaguely registered two shocked faces staring at him, midway through a meeting, but Katsuki didn't even look at them. He stared down the director like this was the most important decision in the world, and finally she nodded.

“Okay,” she agreed. “But Deku had a very different schedule to yours.”

“Fine.”

“Alright, let me see here.”

She hummed to herself as she looked it up on the computer, swinging the monitor around to show him.

“He shared with a duo who worked nights, it's usually pretty quiet around there at night. You'd be starting at six in the morning on weekdays and working through to eight at night, then working alternate weekends from ten to five.”

“Fine. Send me that, would you? I want to talk to the duo he splits with, too.”

“Sure, I'll send you the details. Can we finish our meeting now?”

“If you really want,” Katsuki scoffed. “You and your meetings.”

“Thanks for dropping by, Bakugou, it's always a pleasure.”

He snorted at the sarcasm but didn't bother to argue, turning on his heel and heading down to his office to save the information on all his devices. As he walked he pulled out his phone, digging up Eijirou's number again.

[Shift change, starting at 6 weekdays now]

[Ouch! Poor you! I'm not getting up that early.]

[Figured. Weekends @ usual time?]

[Done. Is this why you were busy last week?]

[Sort of. Drinks?]

[Usual spot @ seven. I'll call Denki.]

[Cool]

By the time he got there they'd both have heard the news about Deku retiring, he wouldn't need to explain that part. It would be simple enough to say he'd been given the patrol route in his stead, in the more volatile part of their city. He didn't need to talk about their night drinking together, or the morning after when he'd dropped Izuku at his apartment and told him to come by again some time.

That bit he could keep to himself.

─

It was a few days later by the time Katsuki heard the faint knock on his door, as he thumped down the stairs, rubbing at his damp hair with a towel. After a surprised look out the front window he pulled the door open, forcing the frown off his face when he met the sad gaze.

“Hey, Izuku,” he said calmly, stepping aside to wave him in. “Long time no see.”

“I was walking past and your light was still on,” he explained quietly. “I thought I should come say thank you for last week.”

“You don't need to thank me. Come in, how are you doing?”

There was something slightly shaky about the way he walked inside, as if he wasn't fully in control of his limbs, and Katsuki grimaced as the door clicked shut.

“Have you been drinking?”

“A little, yeah.”

“You've gotta be careful dude, you'll get hooked.”

“Does it matter? I'm not a hero anymore, I can get addicted to whatever I feel like.”

“It's about being safe and healthy, not about being a hero,” Katsuki argued, handing him a water bottle and shoving him lightly onto the couch. “Talk to me, what have you been doing? I haven't seen you in a week.”

“Mostly just... Thinking. And trying to sleep.”

“Thinking about what?”

Izuku shrugged, and Katsuki waited.

“What I should have done differently, I guess.”

“You'll drown in those thoughts.”

Izuku didn’t answer, but Katsuki knew what that meant. It was too late, Izuku wanted to say. He’d already drowned.

“I walk by it some days,” Izuku said finally.

“It's all cleaned up now, there's nothing left to see.”

“I know. When did you see it? When you were driving by?”

Katsuki hesitated, then shook his head, trying his best to put his scowl away as he sat down, to look… sympathetic, he hoped.

“I took over your area,” Katsuki explained. “You had such an important place, I was afraid someone new would get it and screw it up. So I demanded that they give it to me instead. You can have it back when you're ready.”

“Oh, that's good. You'll do good work there.”

“So did you.”

“For a while, sure.”

“Everyone was really sad to hear the news. Eijirou and Denki were all up in arms about you being brainwashed or secretly injured or something.”

“Do they call you Katsuki?”

It took Katsuki a moment to understand why he asked, but he nodded slowly even as he contemplated the question.

“Not many people do,” Izuku mumbled, taking a swig from the water bottle. “Surprises me.”

“We've been friends for years now, it seemed fitting.”

“Must have been a weird conversation.”

“Not really. The moment we graduated high school Denki decided people weren't allowed to call him by last name anymore, so we all just shrugged and did the same.”

As the night wore on Izuku started to curl into himself, so Katsuki found him a blanket and watched him snuggle into it gratefully. When the night grew chillier, he tucked it over Katsuki’s lap too, the pair of them sitting side by side beneath it just like when they were kids. It wasn't until the sun began to rise that Katsuki realised they'd been there all night, hanging out and just talking, and Izuku looked out the window dumbly at the orange lights taking over the sky.

“I'm sorry, you have to work.”

“It's okay, really.”

“I'll go home.”

“You don't have to.”

“No, I do. You should take a nap before you go, even if it's only an hour. I'm really sorry.”

“Izuku, I swear, it's not a problem. Not my first all nighter and it won't be my last. Take care, okay? Come visit again. I'll leave the light on for you.”

He hesitated, but after a moment he nodded, handing the blanket back as he got up to grab his shoes from the doorstep.

“I'll see you later, then. Um, good luck at work.”

“Thanks. Have a good day.”

“I'll try.”

He disappeared, and Katsuki sighed as he watched him go, hesitating before he headed for his bed.

Izuku was right, it would only be an hour, but it was better than nothing.

─

“None of us have even seen him!” Ochako was explaining, when Katsuki found her at the front desk. “We've tried calling him and visiting his apartment, but he never answers, and I was just hoping maybe you had some more information.”

“I'm sorry, we don't. We recommended he visit the therapist to talk about it, but he turned it down, and we haven't heard from him since.”

“He's okay,” Katsuki informed her, making them both jump. “I have his patrol area, I see him hanging around on occasion.”

“Is he really okay?”

“Well he's alive, more to the point. He hasn't...”

“Okay,” Ochako sighed with relief, then immediately looked guilty for it. “I guess he doesn't want to talk right now. If you see him, can you let him know I'll be waiting? He can call me whenever he's ready.”

“I'll pass on the message.”

He decided not to tell her that he hadn't been sleeping, had hardly been eating. He didn't tell her how much weight he'd lost in just a few weeks, or how much he'd been drinking away his sorrows. It wouldn't change anything, and it certainly wouldn't make her feel any better.

“Let's hang out some time, Bakugou,” she suggested as she headed out. “Call me next time you have a day off.”

“I don't really get those,” he snorted, “but I'll try.”

“Looking forward to it!”

The moment she left the building Katsuki looked to the receptionist again, locking his stern gaze with her slightly apprehensive one. She’d been scared of him from the start, but over the years she’d at least learned to look him in the eye.

“She's not the first, is she?”

“No, Sir. We've had calls from his friends, his family, his old teachers...”

“Teachers? Really?”

“Yes, Sir. Eraser Head and All Might have both been asking after him. They said the same thing, he won't answer their calls.”

“When it happens again, just tell them all that he wants some space right now. He needs time to come to terms with what happened and work out where to go next, he'll call them soon I'm sure.”

“I'll pass it on, Sir.”

He signed out of the system and grabbed his keys from his office, yawning as he trudged down the stairs to the parking garage. Every time he made the drive home, these days, he couldn’t help but think back to a slumped, green-haired body in his passenger seat, staring out the window with a quiet he’d longed for all his life, only to find out it felt so damn wrong. 

He shook it off as he parked the car, surprised and a little concerned to find the hunched figure from his imagination waiting for him on the porch. He didn’t bother to speak, just unlocked the door and gestured at the doorway, watching with critical eyes as the thin body climbed to its feet.

“Okay, this is getting out of hand,” Katsuki growled, when Izuku stumbled through the door and almost faceplanted into his shoes. “You need to get a handle on this drinking, Deku!”

“Not Deku,” Izuku insisted stubbornly, prying his dirty red sneakers off his feet. “Shut it.”

“You can't go on like this!” Katsuki insisted. “You're killing yourself! If I have to drag you to a hospital I will. Something needs to change.”

“I can't! Don't you think I've tried?”

“You need help.”

“I'm beyond help, it's too late for me. I'm worthless, and useless, and... and… A Deku.”

“Izuku...” Katsuki said breathlessly. “You're not. You're really not.”

“What good is this damn Quirk, anyway? It's wasted on someone like me. I'm not a hero.”

“You are. You've saved thousands of people.”

“And with one stupid decision I lost a thousand more!”

“It's not your fault!” Katsuki burst, slamming the door a little too hard behind them. 

“Whose fault is it, then?! I was supposed to help them! All those people looked out their windows and saw me, and they thought thank goodness, we're saved and I let them down!”

Katsuki pulled him into a stubborn hug, feeling the fragile body tremble in his arms, and continued to shake his head.

“Izuku, you can't do this. This isn't who you are.”

“This is exactly who I am.”

“I've known you as long as you have. I know you. This isn't you.”

He pulled away and for a moment Katsuki was lost – lost for words, for thoughts, hardly even knew where he was.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here,” he grimaced, clutching at his temple. “I'll leave, I'm sorry.”

“Izuku, don't.”

“Just forget tonight happened, okay? It's late, you should sleep.”

“Only if you come back tomorrow so we can try again.”

“I'll think about it.”

“I'll leave the light on for you.”

─

A week later Katsuki stood in a sombre office, lamenting that an entire month had gone by since everything went to shit. Izuku’s incident was the biggest mistake they'd had in recent years, and everyone had been hit hard by it. 

Katsuki hadn't seen Izuku in a week, but no one else had seen him all month.

Phone calls and texts went unanswered, and his apartment, Katsuki learned from Ochako, was empty. The landlord said he had terminated his contract out of the blue, bagged up his things, and vanished.

As far as anyone could tell, Midoriya Izuku no longer existed.

Deku certainly didn't.