Edit of when I got Ashens to look at gross food cards.

Hi everyone. I hope you had a lovely christmas and a good new year.

Again apologies for not being able to update much. I'm aware this is the reason my channel isn't growing. Ironically, the idea of my subscribers going up at all fills me with dread. Every time I go to change the visibility on a video to public it affects me considerably.

This is a "quick" video where I'm not being Octavius, I'm me. Which is even more scary. This was streamed mid last year. I have a couple more stream edits to put up and one more game review nearly done. 

Thank you very much to Stuart for joining in on the "Aspic chronicles". He's such a good sport.

I wish I could tell you I'm getting better.

Why am I like this? Well, this is just how my sickness - and that of countless other people accross the world - manifests itself. As a disability. Not a physical one obviously, but one which keeps us in a cage that I promise I've been trying to break out of for years. I'm so very tired. 

That being said, I owe my living to you. I struggle with that a lot, too. It's got to the point where even when viewers send gifts for my pets I feel like a terrible person. I can't go back to an office job - I spent years trying to and it was a disaster. I am existing off the kindness of strangers and honestly I have no clue how to accept it. 

I don't know, guys. I was going to make a video about this but every time I go public with MH struggles cunts come out of the shadows and try to invalidate me. All my life I've been shown that anyone with mental health issues should shut the fuck up about them. Do I actually help anyone by talking about mine, or do I just make mine worse?

Thank you for reading. I feel much better for getting this out.

Other things:

- I'm aware there's been some Discord issues. I'll put another post about that either today or tommorow once I know what's been going on.

- Unbound did a site migration and it appears to have broken things. My friend who also has a book on there alerted me that his backers have randomly lost their accounts/pledges aren't showing so I went to check today and post an update and even my account isn't accessible. I've emailed them and I'll let you know what's going on. 

As always, love. Treat each other kindly. 

Louis