Closing the Map Queue

To the quick: I'll be shutting down my map queue.  It's been over 3 year since I've been able to do my own projects.

Will I open it again in the future? Yes. But not the same way it currently is.  Once I feel better about doing them again, I plan on messaging anyone who is in the queue now and still a patron to do their map.  It will be random and between my own projects.

The long story:
For those in it, I'm terribly sorry.  This year has been absolute hell for me beyond what's been in the news. I have been suffering from a severe bout with my immune disorder with constant set backs & just feeling emotionally exhausted.  To put it as simple as possible, my skin is raw and covered in welts all the time for over a year now.  My hair has been breaking off and had to be cut super short.  Added to the craziness of a pandemic and everything else happening, to say that I haven't felt creative is an understatement.  I haven't left my house in over a year.  My only social interactions have been online or with my wife.  This pushed back the queue easily six-eight months and that is leading me down a spiraling path of feeling like I've let everyone down and am a failure.

I know some of you have been waiting just as long to get a map created by me and I've really been trying to do just that. I'm struggling every day to work on someone's commission and...instead, I'm stressed out, upset, crying, and/or just loathing the work.  I understand if you no longer wish to be a patron of mine but this is killing my creativity & my ability to work.

I've been trying for months to convince myself it's ok but it's not.  Every time I look at the queue, I want to cry or will find anything to do other than working on it.  This leads to just not accomplishing much in a day and again, feeling like a failure at the end of it. 

So I'm going to end this queue.  If I haven't gotten to your map, I'm sorry.  I can't tell you how sorry I feel. If you stop being a patron, I completely understand.  I do recommend the Cartographers Guild ( https://www.cartographersguild.com/content.php ) to help you find someone who would be more than happy to help you.  Again, I feel horrible but I just don't know how else to deal with what's going on. The pressure to get the queue done is just soul crushing.

Thank you to everyone who understands. I'm sorry if I let any of you down. I'm doing my best and what's right for my creativity and mental state.