A True Alpha Chapter 43

Chapter 43

The initial hint of light seared through Clarke's eyes and light aflame already thudding head. 

“Shh.” Lexa whispered, exhausted beyond belief after a night of no sleep, constantly vigilant over Clarke. Her fingers traced drowsily on the back of Clarke's neck, gently soothing the disorientation which accompanied a hangover as best she could. 

“Uugh!” Clarke groaned. 

“I'm right here love.”

“Fuck… I… need a drink. My head…” 

Lexa's fingers froze in their place. 

“W… when did you? When did you come back… back to bed?” Clarke stumbled through the words like she hadn't spoken in half a century. “I thought you were sleeping in your study.”

“I was. But I came back last night. We talked for the first time in weeks love. Don't you remember?” Lexa was far from accustomed to this fear. Nothing was so nightmarish as the thought of having to watch Clarke drink herself stupid only to forget any ideation of getting sober she might have by the next night. Lexa forcibly reminded herself, that no definite decisions had made, that even by the widest of hopes it wasn't like Clarke had mad anything close to a definitive decision to stop or even slow down. But even insistent self-reminders weren't enough to tamper the comparative feeling of loss, that there must have been at minimum a hint of progress that had occurred last night which was seemingly gone. 

“I… fuck… Lexa?” Clarke groaned, her stomach turning as she flipped over to the side of the bed where she had become accustomed to setting a barf bucket. 

Lexa followed quickly after Clarke, pulling the alpha's hair back for her, willing to support the alpha regardless of any circumstances. “There there sweetheart.” Lexa ran fingers through Clarke's hair, doing her best. 

“Fuck!” Clarke yelled into another horrible heave. She could feel Lexa's loving lips lingering low on her shoulder, gracing her with more understanding than she felt she deserved after having pushed her mate away for so long. 

“I'll get you some water? Ok love? Just… try not to jump right to the bottle? Ok?” Lexa did her best to catch Clarke's attention with a hand rubbing at the impossibly tense small of Clarke's back. It was everything Lexa could do not to whisper a 'poor girl’ to Clarke as her alpha roared in fury that her mate was sick. She did, however, hold herself back, suspecting that Clarke would only end up feeling dysphoric. “I'll be right back love.” Lexa whispered once more, standing up and rushing off, consumed with her need to find something to help her mate. 

The hungover alpha was left alone to regret each and every choice she had made in her life which had lead her to yet another heinous hangover. She longed for Lexa's touch once more, everything about her biological dynamic howled out and lashed against her, even drawing tears from desert eyes as a reprise for not begging her mate to stay by her side. Her ignored inner dynamic raged. Reminding Clarke of all her pain and even worse, that which she perceived as her deepest and truest inner weakness, her dynamic refused to relent. She looked up to her nightstand, hoping to find that which gave her even the slightest of reprieve from her harshest critic. The cabinet was still open as it was left the night before, and the opened bottle still stood tall on the top.

Clarke had already wrapped her fingers around the neck of the open bottle by the time she remembered how it got there. Her memories flooded back like finding the missing link, tracing her memories all the way down the evolutionary chain. 

Lexa returned with an almost intimidating gargantuan of a water bottle, even equipped with a no-spill cap. Her jaw dropped when she saw her mate. 

“Lex?” Clarke whispered, now half sitting up on the bed, spinning the oversized vodka bottle in her hands. 

“You didn't start already… did you?” Lexa falsified hope for half a moment. 

“No, I didn't.” Clarke tilted her head up gently to see Lexa. 

“Are you… are you going to?” Lexa hesitated to kneel down on the side of the bed, pressing the water bottle towards Clarke however also leaning onto it for support. 

“I'm sorry about last night.” 

“What do you remember now?” 

“I remember falling asleep with bacon in my mouth.” Clarke was only able to muster a smug expression for a moment before remembering the weight of her situation, and the downpour of pain that was still her hangover. 

“Well… that is progress… right?” Lexa was simply striving to be some form of hopeful. 

“Lexa… I hurt Raven… I … I don't even wanna say what I did to you.” Clarke allowed the bottle to steal her attention back. It taunted her, reminded her how weak she was how she didn't deserve her title. No alpha runs off into a bottle and hides! No alpha is that weak! And isn't that just the perfect proof? That she had been so weak, and it was the final evidence that no matter how she saw herself, no matter who she truly was, she was still just as weak an omega as her body would suggest. 

“Clarke?” Lexa repeated for the third time, snapping the alpha from her self doubt. 

“Yeah, Lexa?” Clarke pried her eyes from her distorted hollow reflection in the bottle. 

“As far as we go, you are fine. Just don't do it again. And for Raven? I think I might be able to cook her some pasta and earn you some forgiveness.” 

“And Octavia?” 

“Like I said, she will have to go through me to lay a finger on you!” Somehow Lexa still being overprotective in the most perfect of ways was still something that did nothing to help the alpha still feeling weak and incapable of protecting herself. 

“Yeah…” 

“Look… you know all of us care more about your health than anything else. So… if you are looking for forgiveness…” 

“Get sober?” Clarke filled icy, the simple thought nearly enough to push her to bring the bottle back to her lips. 

“Well, yeah. We love you, and we believe in you baby.” Lexa paused, reaching out. “You are stronger than this.” She whispered, to Clarke's hand in hers, and pulling it softly away from the bottle. 

“Lexa… I… I'm not good at this.” 

“At what?”

“Getting sober Lexa!”

“You don't have to be. You have your family love. You have me, Raven, Octavia, and I'd be damned if you didn't have Nyko too. Really. We have you. All you need do is ask and the three of us will run to catch you when you fall.” Lexa moved closer, her voice low and loving as she made her way to plant a small kiss on Clarke's cheek. 

“It isn't that simple Lexa, I can't just will myself sober.” Clarke fought as her instincts forced her to press gently into Lexa's kiss. 

“No, you can't. But I believe in my alpha. I need my beautiful strong girl back. The one who makes me, a strong, established alpha, roll over and beg to cum? Who makes my knees weak? Makes my pussy drip and my cock ache?” Lexa taunted lowly, kissing more at Clarke's cheek and then down her neck. 

“Uugh baby, I love you, but please, please dear god don't make me think of eating pussy or sucking dick right now!” Clarke's body tensed as she fought the urge to hurl once more. 

“Poor baby.” Lexa hugged Clarke. “Here, you need fluids.”

“I love you Lexa.” Clarke hummed softly, taking the water and sipping at it, cautious not to go too fast and upset her stomach.

“I love you too baby.” Lexa moved in closer. 

“Six hours! Six hours, forty-two minutes! Six hours forty-two minutes and twenty-seven seconds!” Lexa's voice strained as she complained. 

“There is no way in hell you counted to the second.” 

“I checked my watch this morning, and when I caught her.

“Hell, it's still better than Costia's first attempt. What'd she make it? Four hours?”

“And twenty-three minutes.” 

“You just love counting.” Octavia rolled her eyes, callously popping the cap off of a beer. 

“It is the only thing I can do O! I can't just force her not to!” 

“Eh, fair point.” Octavia shrugged, consuming a sizeable swig. 

“Could you not?” 

“Really?” Octavia cocked an eyebrow without lowering her drink. 

“I don't know!” Lexa huffed and pounded a fist in the kitchen table. 

“Well how about you figure that one out before you tell me not to drink my already open beer?” Octavia held back a growl remaining deadpan and cold, fighting not to snap at Lexa after a long day. 

“Fine!” Lexa snarled. 

“Look.” Octavia began but paused as a loud thud came from Lexa's room. 

Lexa immediately began to bolt. 

“Don't.” 

“She needs me!” 

“She is hammered. Of course, she is gonna fall down.” 

“She promised she would be going to bed!”

“Let me guess she also promised to stop drinking?” 

“Well not in so many words.” Lexa shrugged. 

“I have to go check on her.” Lexa insisted, pulling away. 

“You took all the vodka outta her room right?” 

“Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee she is ok.” Lexa refused to do anything but worry as she ran back off to her room to check up on Clarke. 

“Good luck.” Octavia retreated back into small sips at her beer. 

“Clarke? Baby? I heard you fall? What's wrong?” Lexa knocked softly at the door. 

Clarke giggled back. “I fell down.” 

“God baby! What happened!” Lexa shook fearful after opening the door to reveal her shit-faced matte wrapped up in blankets on the floor, and an empty miniature bottle of vodka, if you could call 8 ounces miniature at least? At least, by comparison, it seemed mini. 

“Hehe, you missed a bottle!” Clarke hiccuped. 

“I!” Lexa sighed, feeling a failure. “Where was it?” 

“In the nightstand.”

“Nope! Not possible, I checked the nightstand first, I must have gotten rid of six liters of the stuff.” 

“You threw out my vodka!?” Clarke's eyes light up with a drunken combination of disappointment and anger. 

“You told me to Clarke!” 

“Oh yeaaaah!” Clarke strung her words along with the realization, chuckling to herself as she finished.

“Yeah, so where was it?”

“Where was what?” 

“The bottle I missed?” Lexa brandished the bottle once more impatiently.

“Didn't I already tell you Lessaa? It was in the nightstand!” 

“No! I cleared out the nightstand Clarke.” Lexa strained to keep herself calm. 

“You checked the cabinet of the nightstand, not the drawer.” Clarke cheered, brandishing finger guns. 

“Good damnit Clarke!” Lexa stomped her way back over to the nightstand, finding at least another three 'miniature’ bottles stuffed away. “You told me all the vodka was… in the nightstand.” 

“Haha, I gotcha!” Clarke taunted, breaking Lexa's composure. 

“Fucking Christ Clarke! Do you actually want to get sober! Or do you just want to play dumb games and lay on the floor a drunken mess!” 

“I…” Clarke clearly was not ready for a real or a serious conversation in the slightest as her face and tone turned sour. “I didn’t mean to…” Clarke teared up. 

“Sure you didn't Clarke.” Lexa rolled her eyes. 

“Lexa!” 

“Go to sleep Clarke! You are drunk.” Lexa headed out, exhausted of fighting. 

“Lexa please!” Clarke grabbed at her alpha's ankle. 

The sober alpha growled back. 

“I will be back in a bit. But for now, you need to sober up, and I need to breathe. So please, just let me go.” 

Clarke's grasp went limp, then her arm when slack, allowing Lexa to leave. 

“Thank you Clarke. I… I'll be back in an hour or so for bed. Do you want me to wake you?” Lexa offered. 

“Please.” Clarke held back tears just long enough for Lexa to nod in affirmation. 

Lexa too broke only moments after she closed the door behind her. Both alphas couldn't help but blame herself. At least Clarke had the comfort of her lingering buzz, and the fluffy comforter she cocooned herself in on the floor. Although it wasn't much it was of some comfort as the tears streamed, her own jumbled and fuzzy mind lashing out at her for her weakness, for not going to Lexa when she found the bottles left behind, and for not being able to stop once she had started. 

Lexa crumbled the moment she closed the door behind her. The weight of her perceived duty to guard Clarke from her own weaknesses quickly growing too much to handle as she realized she would never truly be able to protect the woman she loved from the world and the vices it contained. 

End of Chapter 43