A True Alpha Chapter 55

Chapter 55

“G? Good news?” Clarke stammered too confused to take the clipboard as Lexa took it for her and layed it down on her lap gently. 

“Your vitals are back down to normal. Which means that it was heat-related.”

“R-” Lexa went to correct before Nyko corrected herself. 

“Cycle related. Rut, if you prefer. I apologize. Regardless, your vitals were affected by your delayed cycle.”

“Oh… ok, but how exactly is that good news?” Clarke’s gaze dropped to the form entitled informed consent waiver. “I, isn't this a little cruel, handing this paper to me if you aren't actually gonna prescribe anything for me today?” 

Nyko chuckled as she sat back down. “Yes, Yes that would be incredibly cruel.” 

“Then why the hell wave it in my face like that?” Clarke griped, flagrantly waving the clipboard back before attempting to hand it back off to the other alpha. 

“No, no.” Nyko assured. 

“I think she meant to-”

“No! That is just mean!” Clarke snapped in pain. 

“Clarke! This is the good news. If you will let me go over it, we can get you started on informed consent.” 

“What?” 

“I think she needed for you to get your heart rate and stuff down to prove it was just your heat causing the issue.” 

“What does it matter?!” Clarke was still overly flippant in and effort of protecting herself. 

“Now, it would not only be a way to help your dynamic dysphoria, but it would also be medically advised to prescribe something to mediate or nullify your heats. If they are causing a measurably detrimental strain on your heart and therefore your health as well, It is much easier and justifiable to prescribe hormones despite your history of substance abuse. If it weren't for this then we might have had to wait another month or so to monitor your progress. However, if you are ready, it would be completely appropriate for us to begin reviewing the risks and effects of hormone therapy in further detail in order to get you started this evening.” Nyko found her second copy of the form, looking at it as if she didn't already know it by heart. “The only other thing that could even potentially give me pause to prescribe or get in the way or cause medical issues would be how the hormones would interact with your reproductive system. Often there is a whole lot of hubbub and drama that an average medical professional might throw this or that a way. Talk about an omega’s duty and how ‘Oh all omegas want children, you’ll regret it if you start these hormones now’ and other things along the line of such nonsense.” Even as Nyko blabbered on Lexa and Clarke’s faces grew burgundy in anger at the alpha centric patriarchal rhetoric, even if it was simply in mimicking and mockery of such ideals. 

Lexa huffed in disgust.

“That is such bullshit!” Clarke snapped. 

“Yes, yes it is.”

“And It’s not like I can ever get… again.” It hurt Clarke to admit it, almost broke her and all her servant determination.

“I know. I know, and I’m sorry about that. But, like I was saying, this is in some way, a blessing in disguise. This is only one more reason why it is entirely appropriate and medically condonable to prescribe as soon as you decide you are ready. Oh! And sign of course!” 

“Wait, so you mean?!” 

“Yes, now can we go over the form already? I do have another appointment at one.” Nyko laughed off with a playfully pressing glare. 

Clarke jumped out of her spot next to Lexa, almost assaulting Nyko as she attacked her with an appreciative hug. “Yes! Yes! Oh my god! Thank you! Yes!” 

“Breathing! Breathing is important!” Nyko squealed from the tight hug. 

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Clarke formed some sort of a repetitive chant in her glee as she hugged Nyko tighter. 

“I can't! Prescribe! If! I’m! Dead!” Nyko choked out word by word as she strived for oxygen in Clarke’s anaconda grip. 

“Oh! Right! Sorry!” Clarke lept back, still panting in excitement as she sat back down with Lexa. 

“Good! I am glad I am not dead!” Nyko smiled softly. 

“So! So! So?” Clarke, the ever-eager puppy raised her clipboard eager to proceed. 

“So, before we start, may I ask what you already know about the side effects of hormonal therapy? Or the main effects for that matter?” 

“No more horrible heats!” Clarke stretched in victory before playfully collapsing into her mate. 

“Yes that is the most noticeable and predominant effect, but that is far from the only effect.” 

“Yes! Yes!” Clarke agreed, righting herself. “First off, if I am only on the suppressants, my sex life should wither and die. Right?” 

Nyko gave an approving nod. “Well, wither and die is a bit of a hyperbole but, yeah. I see what you mean and you aren't too far off. It can lead to… what in this case might be described as lesbian bed death.” 

“But if I am on the alpha hormones, I should have a cycle?” Clarke questioned herself. “Something more akin to rutting?” 

“Yes, but it wouldn't be just that. There would also be significant clitoral swelling, often to an inch or two, even without any surgeries. Especially when in a rut. Like any other alpha, you will be a little more belligerent and bruiserish during a rut. Might find yourself unintentionally being rather overly protective and or possessive with your mate. It is something all other alphas have had their whole life to grow accustomed to and to learn to control. But it can be hard to handle the first time, even more so when you are already mated.” 

“Aww, I could do with my alpha being all overprotective in a cute little huff.” Lexa teased. 

“It can be more than a cute little huff at times. But it is good that you will be there to support her with it.” 

Clarke hummed and nodded along, all the while holding her mate. “So… what else is there that I should be wise of?” 

“Well, your menstrual cycle can be affected, it can eliminate periods but on the other hand, it also has the potential to worsen periods. It all depends on the person and how they react. But for the most part, it just lightens periods to that of an average female alpha.” 

“Well, I could go without them getting worse, but it is a fair trade and then some if it means no heats.” 

“Good, also, your skin will thicken, become a little tougher, just like an average alpha’s. You will build and put on muscle mass much faster, of course. Might on occasion, especially before rut attempt to show off for your mate. Go on spending sprees, grabbing more food than you two could eat in a month and having it all set out when your mate gets home, just to realize that you had just ensured it will all expire that much sooner.”

Clarke and Lexa eyed quietly. 

“Of course, that is just a possibility! I am certainly not talking from personal experience or anything, that would be unprofessional as your doctor.” 

“Course it would.” Clarke giggled happily. 

“Furthermore, there are some risk factors associated with the hormone replacements that can compound with things like smoking, taking these and smoking regularly can be quite an issue for your heart. So, we also advise you to stay away from tobacco products and nicotine.”

“Done! Done! And done doc!” 

Lexa smiled and rubbed at Clarke’s back, cheering her on silently. 

“And again, there are issues and side effects related to procreation.” 

Clarke nodded back to Nyko hesitantly. 

“As of now, yes, your uterus is not a hospitable environment to grow a pup.” Nyko paused, she could hear Lexa’s growls. The other alpha was angered at the idea of someone saying something so traditionally considered rude to her mate even if it was medically accurate. 

“Watch your tongue!” Lexa mouthed silently.

“Yes?” Clarke urged Nyko along in the hope that they could move off of such a painful topic soon. 

“However.” Nyko moved on with a warning glare. “Currently, your ovaries are still intact. Given this, As of today, it would be entirely plausible to harvest your eggs and proceed through a surrogate, if the two of you wished. But that process would require extra omega hormones to ensure ideal ovulation to harvest healthy eggs, time, and it, of course, wouldn't be free. The alpha hormones aren't very expensive and are covered in their entirety through most insurances. However, saving eggs wouldn't be covered.” 

“It’s fine! I don't care.” Clarke brushed off too quickly. “I don't have the money, or any insurance for that matter.” 

“Well, if that is the issue, I could help yo-”

“No! It’s fine! I don't care.” 

“Are you sure Clarke? This is my last source of trepidation for you. These hormones will certainly almost entirely shut down your ovaries, and more than likely kill what eggs you might have; this is in all likelihood your last chance to have a biological child ever again.” Nyko knew the fear, the belligerent dodging; once upon a time she had done it herself. 

“Baby, really, if this is something you want, I am happy to help ou-” Lexa offered with all the understanding passionate empathy she had ever had. 

“No. I personally can't stand the idea of more omega hormones. To have to go through more heats? Worse heats? It sounds like hell. And adoption is always an option. I… just I am not in a place where this is a potion for me whether you want it or not. I’m sorry Lexa.” Clarke turned away from her alpha ashamed that she was too weak to do something she was biologically born to do, and for taking away Lexa’s last chance to have a child of her own in the process. “We can still do surrogacy with your sperm another day, with another woman or omega’s eggs. But I am simply not in a place where I can go through that, I’m sorry love.” 

“No, no, It is all ok. Clarke, I love you. I just wanted to give you the option.” Lexa rushed to assure, her arms wrapped tight around Clarke. “I just didn't want money to be the thing holding you back if that was what you wanted.” 

“It’s fine. Money is an issue, but it isn't the only reason why I can't do that. It isn't even the main reason.” Clarke assured with a calming hand resting over Lexa’s. 

“Ok. Ok then love.” Lexa whispered, holding Clarke’s hand back. 

“So, I am to understand that you comprehend and accept the risks that accompany beginning the alpha hormones? That the potential complete loss of any chance of ever having a biological child of your own?” Nyko checked to confirm.

“Yes. Yes, I understand.”

“Good to hear.”

“So… uugh, What do I do?” 

“Well, I gave you a pen with the paper didn’t I?” 

“Huh!” 

“I think she is telling you to sign if you are ready sweetie.” 

“Yeah, but. But!” 

“Are you ok Clarke?” Nyko leaned back in, growing concerned. 

“But! You can't be serious! I! This can't be! I mean?” Clarke stammered, her fingers tracing over the words of her form, so attentive to its touch like it held some braille secret, the explanation of how this was a cruel joke. How it couldn't really just be this easy, that this kind of happiness was for anyone but her. It was just too hard to believe. After years, over half a decade of simply knowing that this would never really be for her, whether it be her mother blocking her path or just a cisnormative world. After all that? This wasn't actually possible, was it? It couldn't just be a signature and a trip to the pharmacy away. 

“Clarke, baby?” Lexa moved in, nudging her alpha with her nose and forehead. 

"It isn't this easy…It can't just be this simple." Her hoarse haunted voice strained to stabilize within her turbulent emotions. 

"Clarke." Lexa's jaw dropped. She tried to process, fought to understand, striving to know how to help her terrified mate.

“Clarke?” Nyko noticed that the alpha had begun crying even before Clarke herself had. 

“I!” Clarke sniffled.

“It’s ok. It is that simple. It is that simple because you have been fighting this for years, I started seeing you over six months ago. By all means, you are ready for this treatment if you want it Clarke.” 

Clarke shook in an anxious fear-filled hope. 

“You don't have to sign. You don't have to do this today. But whenever you are ready. You have this option available to you, and you are not alone. I am your doctor, but I am also a member of the support group, one you are welcome to return to whenever you need mind you.”

The pen tapped twice on the paper, each tap followed by the deafening silence of the ballpoint pen’s ball circling its confines as it dragged the ink of her signature along. “Thank you Nyko. Thank you so much.” 

“Of course Clarke.”

“I’m proud of you love.” Lexa supported. 

“Thanks babe.” 

“Always.” The unburdened alpha hugged tight to Clarke, pulling her in as Clarke passed off the clipboard. 

“Congratulations. I will start you on a low dose to see how it affects your body, and we can proceed from there, raising the dose if it is needed. But in the meantime, just be careful, monitor your progress carefully and I can schedule something for you next week?” Nyko grabbed up her papers. 

“That sounds like a wonderful plan. Thank you so much Nyko.” Clarke wiped her face clear only to have it flood back with eager happier tears. 

“It is a huge step Clarke. Congratulations.” Nyko repeated herself. 

“Thank you so much for ensuring that Clarke has this opportunity.” Lexa stood and shook the other alpha’s hand.

“Anytime. I am just glad that I could help. Now, go ahead, you can make an appointment upfront for next week, and by the time that you are done the scripts should be ready.” Nyko instructed, waving them along gently. 

“Thanks, will do.” Clarke agreed, standing with Lexa and ensuring that she could shake Nyko’s hand in appreciation as well before the two of them headed off. 

“Take care you two. Hope to see you soon!” 

“Of course Nyko.” 

“Course!” Lexa agreed with her mate. 

Clarke and Lexa filed out after Nyko, parting as Nyko headed off into another examination office and the mated alphas slipped back into the waiting room in order to schedule the next appointment. They nabbed a nine am, after a series of apologetic promises that they wouldn't sleep in or end up knotted up in bed again. It took its fair share of haggling but they did, in fact, achieve their ideal time slot. They then took a short sabbatical sitting down and awaiting the prescription papers. It wasn't a long wait, they had just barely even sat down when the office worker called Clarke backup to hand off the prescription and bid the duo adieu. 

Clarke and Lexa were back into their car by the time Clarke broke back down into tears of joy. It was something huge. Breathtaking and life-changing in what seemed like every way. 

“Now don't go crying all over the papers! The pharmacist won't be able to read em!” Lexa teased, kissing away the tears as they came. 

Clarke laughed for a moment but the tears ran faster as her head jerked back and forth on her shoulders. “You are an asshole.” She complained lovingly. 

“Yeah. Your point?” Lexa played off, moving closer so that she could wipe the tears away with her thumbs. 

“I hate that I cry so easily.” Clarke griped at herself.

“Nothing about this is easy. I can tell that every time I see the dysphoria in your eyes.” 

“I… still.” Clarke rebuffed, but Lexa’s words did mean more than she was letting on. 

“My alpha is the toughest alpha, the strongest alpha, the most beautiful alpha I have ever met.” Lexa denoted each comment with a kiss. 

“You are too.” Clarke shivered in a higher hint of pleasure at the loving comments combined with Lexa’s sweet kisses. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Clarke kissed slightly deeper at the wonderful woman wiping her woes away. 

“That’s my beautiful alpha.” Lexa poured seeing her mate’s strength like Clarke never expected anyone really would. “So, what now? You have class this evening right?” 

“Yeah. But we have enough time to put in the prescriptions at the pharmacy, so I would like to stop there first if that is ok?”

“Anything my alpha wishes.” Lexa smiled playfully. “I will pick them up on my way to pick you up. When do you get out?” 

“Uugh, my last class ends at five-thirty, but I think it would be for the best if you give me a half-hour to talk to my professor and take advantage of his office hours. That ok baby?“

“Of course. I can't wait.” 

End of Chapter 55