A True Alpha Chapter 56

Chapter 56

Clarke’s first class was a breeze. Casually taking notes while sketching out ideas in the outlines of her notebook was a rather soothing endeavor. The fact that she had already talked to this professor also happened to contribute a more than significant component to how at ease Clarke felt back in his class. A month is a long time to go without having attended class, Clarke knew that. She wasn't stupid. At least that was what she kept trying to remind herself each time a corner of her defeatist mind warned that none of her professors had any iota of an obligation to lend her so much as a modicum of sympathy. None of them owed her anything. In Fact, she owed most of them more than a single neglected project. Clarke winced at the thought, but the guilt melted off momentarily after the professor asked the class a question she was certain she had the answer to. 

“Yes, Ms. Griffin?” 

“George Caleb Bingham, finished in 1871.” 

“That is correct Ms. Griffin, it is wonderful to have you back.” She condoned with a flourish of acknowledgment. 

Clarke silently pumped her fist under her desk, prideful and already patting herself on the back for reviewing the syllabus on the ride home from the cabin and having gone full study crunch to prepare for returning to her classes. It was just the shot of confidence that Clarke needed. 

Just the shot of confidence she needed to be flying medium-high when she arrived early for her next class to be shot down with no more than a singular distasteful glare. But, no, tragically for Clarke’s morale, this professor had no intention of leaving his disapproval at such a simple glare. “Early Ms. Griffin? You must need directions off to somewhere else. Because I was certain you didn't even take this class anymore.” 

“Hey, Professor Pike.” Clarke sighed, her head sinking down below her shoulders.

He turned his back to her, even though she was the only one in the room. Clarke rolled her eyes angrily as she watched him pretend to refer to his notes and check the work he already had up on the whiteboard. 

“You are still here.” He noted with an empty tone feigning surprise. 

“Yes, I came early to ask if you got my email this weekend?” 

“My office hours begin ten minutes after class ends.” Pike dismissed. 

“Uugh, sir-” 

“And I had absolutely no clue what that dumb ass was thinking!” 

“Who the fuck would?” A duo of students Clarke remembered as being thoroughly frustrating in that they didn't like shutting up about their oh so unriveting stories even after class has begun. 

“Great to see you Montie, Jasper.” 

“Oh! Hey sir.” Montie replied in surprise, giving Clarke just enough to assume whether correctly or not that the warm welcome was far from an ordinary greeting for professor Pike to give the disinterested duo. Instead, Clarke surmised that it was a subtle dig at her and her having attempted conversation with him. 

“Jasper, got your email, well done, your work is improving.” 

“Uugh, well thanks Prof. I appreciate the extension.” 

A vein grew and grew on Clarke’s temple as she half expected for either it or her to explode in indignant anger. Instead, Clarke bit her lip. She tasted blood, but it seemed like the wiser choice than exploding on the teacher for his sub subtle digs. 

“Of course, any time.” Pike’s jovial tone was ridiculously uncharacteristic of him, and Clarke felt almost righteous in how angry she was with him being so cavalier with his taunts. 

This time, the class was a grueling endeavor. Clarke trudged against the wind, fighting to keep up and comprehend just what in the hell Pike was focusing on. She couldn't stop kicking herself for not keeping up with the reading. She knew all too well that putting herself down and beating herself up over her past failures would do nothing to assist with the situation she had found herself in now, but it was so hard to ignore how far behind she had put herself when it seemed like every two minutes Pike would move on to an entirely new topic. Each time just before he moved on Clarke would think she knew what was going on, finally feeling like her week’s rushed research had paid off, but then he would march onto another topic leaving her in the dust with her hand still hanging confused in the air. Clarke’s head was near numb and her heart was actually sore of racing in anger and anxiety by the time the dreadful two-hour long class. One positive, although Clarke didn't quite see it as one yet, she had a litany of effective and detailed notes. She didn't know it, but the notes she had taken were exactly what she would need when exam season came rolling around the week after next. She huffed and puffed irritably as she rushed to shove her book and notes into her bag. She even snarled at a classmate who shoved passed her to get out of the aisle. 

“Back off beta.” The entitled alpha snarled back at Clarke. 

“I’m an alpha, not a beta!” Clarke barked back, her fuse shorter than normal after such a trying class session. 

“Whatever, freak.” She snarked back. 

Clarke bit her tongue, again tasting blood in her mouth as her jaw had already had a workout today chewing on her lip to keep her from yelling at Pike. Things would have been different Clarke promised to herself. She clung to the knowledge that she would have decked the cunt hard enough to lay her out if the alpha had called her a freak in any other context than immediately after she had been snarled at without any real reason than simple lack of an excuse me. Not that any biological alphas actually ever apologize to anyone they weren't trying to bed. Either way, the encounter left Clarke even further frazzled once she arrived at professor Pike once more. She did her best to hold back any prejudgements or lingering grudges from the beginning of class; after all, she did kinda start it by not showing up to class for almost a whole month without any real notice. But with how he reacted, all of the being the bigger woman Clarke would ever have in her roughly one hundred and sixty centimeters would never do anything to help her simply take it with a sharp breath and nothing more. 

“Professor Pike.” She opened politely. 

His hand shot up, just a little too close to the alpha’s face, one finger standing above his closed hand. “Ah! Office hours begin at five-forty. If you wish to see me, I will be in my office then” 

Clarke’s mouth opened to scream at him but she caught on her bruised tongue, her mind short-circuiting in unyielding anger and frustration. Today had already been a terrible tumult of tedious emotions, and to be simply dismissed, toyed around with just because this fuck had an ax to grind about her being out of class. And it isn't like she didn't have a good excuse! She had a fucking miscarriage for christ sake! Something this indignant fucker would know if he had taken all of the two minutes which would have been required for him to read the email she sent him almost a whole week ago!

Clarke still stood there, nearly having an aneurysm in anger while Pike continued about his business as if1 nothing of note had happened whatsoever. 

“Oh, hey prof! What did I get on that paper?” Jasper questioned nonchalant as he passed in front of Clarke like she wasn't there. 

“Sixty-five. Pull a seventy or better on the final and you will pull your required D to get passed along.” 

“Thanks man. Much appreciated!” Jasper waived off appreciative of the heads up.”

“Why doesn't he have to follow office hours?!” The words fell from Clarke’s folly filled lips before she had even processed their meaning and potential repercussions. 

Jasper just shrugged and snickered, sauntering his way out of the classroom like all Clarke had done was tell a bad joke. 

Pike dropped a singular eyebrow, silently questioning if Clarke had actually asked such a snarky question. 

“Well!” Clarke demanded an answer again without thinking.

“Because.” Pike responded resolute.

“Because! Because? Because what?!” Clarke ordered an answer beyond furious. 

“Because, he will fail my class. You, however. Ms. Griffin, the jury is still out on.” He replied so matter of fact that Clarke still hadn't really processed what he had said by the time he picked up his leather bag and his hat. “I hope to see you in my office in… seven minutes Ms. Griffin.” He took one short moment to check his watch and then headed off, leaving Clarke dumbfounded and struggling to process what he had said. 

"But you just told him he could still pass." Her dumbfounded brain was too preoccupied to censor her empty curiosity. 

“Yes, and the world COULD explode in a fiery volcano of death and destruction tomorrow. But it won't.” He replied succinctly before walking off and leaving Clarke to question his meaning. 

Clarke’s near bursting vein appeared on her right temple as she attempted to process. “If he is all buddy-buddy with Jasper, and he isn't gonna pass then what chance do I have! And what is up with the professor playing stupid games! If he has already decided to flunk me then just tell me!” Clarke growled to herself under her breath in an abundance of frustration. “Ahh!” She screamed softly to herself, the thought of following up with professor Pike almost feeling as if it wasn't even worth it. What did it matter if he was just gonna be cryptic and toy with her anyways? All to probably just fail her, in the end, no matter what? “Maybe I should call Lexa and ask her to pick me up early?” Clarke deflated in what felt like the umpteenth failure in a day where no such failures ever actually even occurred. Her brow furrowed caught in between the two choices all the way up until she remembered that the sooner she got home the sooner she could start her treatment. Sure, a couple of hours wouldn't change the slightest thing in the long term. And it wasn't even a whole hour she would start it sooner, but it would be at least a half an hour less that she would have to sit in wait, fearing that her heat might rush back in unannounced like that morning. It was just enough to swing her opinion. Clarke pulled out her phone, exhaustively searching Lexa up and pressing the little green phone icon adjacent from the heart emoji that ended her contact name. 

“Class and office hours go that well?” Lexa picked up cheerily after only the first or second ring. 

Clarke’s silence and disheartened breathing clued the alpha in that things weren't so perfect as she had hoped. 

“Oh? Baby? Are you ok? You still have another hour to catch up with your professor if you need it right?” 

“Yeah but-” 

“I know you can do it sweetheart.” Lexa tried to cheer her mate on once more. 

“Actually, I’m not sure that is for the best. I think the professor had been kinda messing with me intentionally all class. Plus he pretty much said it was likely that I would fail no matter what.” As far as Clarke had interpreted what she had taken the much less stringent words she had heard, this was an accurate depiction of what he had said. Even if in its own way it was far from the truth. 

This time it was Lexa’s turn to linger in silence. 

“Baby?”

“I’m here. I’m really sorry that happened. Are you ok?”

“Not really?” Clarke’s tone inflected back on itself in doubt. “I… I just really want to go home.” 

“You don't wanna try again and attend office hours anyway? You have quite a way of growing on people and I’m sure giving it another shot will help make him warm up to you.” Lexa encouraged. 

“Lexa, honestly… I don't think I have it in me. I've already almost hit his head off and gotten expelled three times over.”

“Oh?” 

“I just want to go home, finally take those meds and sleep.” 

“I…” 

“Please baby. I just wanna go home.” 

Lexa wanted to argue, to remind her mate that giving up wasn't the answer at all, but she didn’t. She did, however, fudge the truth a little when she did speak. “Ok, I’ll head over soon. But it is just coming up on five-thirty. So It might take me a while. Either way, take care. I believe in you, and you can get through any asshole giving you shit.” She tried to give Clarke just enough extra excuses to change her mind and convince her to face her fears, and if Clarke couldn't, then maybe it was for the best. 

“Yeah baby. I know.” Clarke sighed, rethinking her decisions. “I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart.”

“Oh, well, talk to you later babe.” 

“Clarke!” Lexa yelped quickly. 

“Yes Lexa?” 

“I got it. Your meds came in an hour ago and I picked up your prescription for you. It’s in the car and ready for you when I get to you.” 

Clarke's face cracked a smile and tears welled up in her eyes all over again. 

“You ok?” 

“I will be.”

“Good. See you as soon as I can.” 

“See you.” Clarke hung up and dropped her phone back down into her purse. She gave herself one extra moment to breathe, to take as deep as inhale as she could and then hold for several seconds before exhaling over a course of what felt like a whole half minute. A clearer head first began to prevail as she held her breath and then she had resolved to heed her mate’s belief in her by the time her breathing returned to something slightly heavier than normal. Shouldering her bag, Clarke stepped off, heading down the hallway. She knew quite well where professor Pike’s office was, she knew where all of her teacher’s offices were. Each and every quarter since she began at college she made an extra effort to identify were her professor’s offices were. Her busy mind replayed this thought all the way down the hall even as she blatantly passed his office with the door cracked open as an obvious welcome; whether it be for any student in general or Clarke specifically one could never know. 

Pike dropped the papers he had been reviewing the moment he saw Clark’s silhouette strafe straight into view of his open office door. But then she passed on as quickly as she had come into view. “Hmmph?” He grunted to himself. “How peculiar.” One hand drifted down to the computer mouse sitting on his desk. He quickly reviewed the email he had open for review and reference. “Guess I don't need this up anymore.” He clicked out of the tab before he rolled his eyes and returned to the papers he was reviewing. “She wants to fail, she is welcome to.” His breath huffed low in a disheartened surprise, like he actually wanted her to still attend office hours after having been rather rude and short with her. 

Professor Pike had moved on entirely, halfway into the third page of another frustrating paper, groaning to himself at how another student was clearly faking having done the reading by the time he noticed the noise at his door. 

“Uugh! Damnit!” Clarke griped, fumbling with two separate semi crappy looking eight-ounce coffee cups which had clearly come from the instant machine down the hall. 

“You came?” His interest got the better of his solemn demeanor. 

“Yeah! And I'm trying to bring you coffee!” Clarke yelped, half the hot coffee spilling directly onto her shirt in her efforts to open the heavy door while holding two cups and managing her purse. 

“Oh! Shit!” Pike jumped up feeling more than a mite guilty for not having helped his student with the door. 

“Fuck!” Clarke huffed, looking down at her shirt which was only saved by the grace that it was already pitch black. She huffed, realizing the lack of professionalism to her word choice. “Sorry. Just, hurts.”  

“It’s fine, sorry I didn't help you.” He apologized, half rising to a crouched stance just above his chair before looking to see that Clarke was about to sit herself down despite the drink disaster. At the sight of the anxious mess of an alpha, he simply plopped himself back into his chair before even stepping out from behind his desk. 

“Welp, now you get tea. I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I grabbed a coffee and an English breakfast tea.”

“I would have taken the tea either way, the machine down the hall brews with wet dirt.” 

“I’m sorry. I was trying my best.” Clarke applied just a touch more sass than she had intended to. 

“I can see that.” Pike acknowledged, taking the tea with a subtle but still slightly thankful nod of appreciation. 

“I came to-” 

“Came to ask if you could make up for the past week of classes you missed?” Pike finished for her. 

Clarke could feel the vein in her temple threatening to bulge once more at a man explaining to her what she was doing, but, she held back, resisting the urge to call him out on it. “Yes sir. Pretty much.” Clarke forced herself to be overly polite. 

“And I presume you have brought documentation of your time in the hospital?” Pike lead. 

“I! Oh? No. I don't. None of my other professors required that, and I figured it would be fine given that my scent was so clearly pregnant a matter of months ago and now it very much isn't.” Clarke answered truthfully. 

"Good because I frankly don't care whether or not you have hospital documentation. Your academic advisor might care and even be able to get you an official extension on your work, but I thoroughly don't care." 

"I… ok. I'm sorry? And glad I didn't bring any papers from the hospital in that case?' Clarke questioned herself. 

"You missed a whole month without even the slightest warning." Pike introduced, not even bothering to divert his eyes from the computer in front of him. as his hand flicked over the mouse to reopen the tab. 

“I lost my child.” Clarke shot back, irritated with his demeanor and it’s entire lack of any hint of empathy. 

“Yes. A month before you disappeared.” 

Clarke’s voice caught in her throat. “Do I not get to grieve?”

“You can grieve on your own time.” 

“I’m sorry, but, are you fucking kidding me?! My child died! I don't get to choose the time that I broke down crying over what I lost and the toll it took on my life, my mate and I, and my body!” 

“I assure you that I am… not ‘fucking kidding you’ Ms. Griffin. You had every ability to contact me before this weekend, to inquire about extensions, and to send in your unfinished work. I recommend that you focus on actually passing the class and rectifying your grade rather than overly concerning yourself with what has already happened.” Pike shot back impatient and unappreciative of being cursed at. 

Clarke took a quick breath to calm down, seeing the anger in the teacher’s eyes. “Ok. I’m sorry. But I did ask what my standing was in the email, and what I could do to rectify it or if I could make up any missing assignments or quizzes.” 

“I don't allow extensions after the due date, nor do I allow quizzes to be retaken without the student coming to me beforehand, that is in my syllabus Ms. Griffin.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Actually sir. Your syllabus says that you won't allow them period.” Clarke pulled out her syllabus as evidence. “But it does say that with extenuating circumstances the points can be made up elsewhere.” 

“So it does.” Pike’s eyes glanced over the paper, already knowing what it said. “And so they can.” 

“So they can?” 

“The points can, in fact, be made up elsewhere.” Pike answered, his eyes finishing over the second review of the email before exiting out of it once more, finding himself somewhat satisfied that Clarke had reread the syllabus even before she sent the email the previous weekend instead of sending a singular mass apology and makeup work request to all of her teachers. 

“So where else do I make them up?” Clarke eagerly lead. She was more than relieved to hear that she wasn't already too far up the creek without a paddle whatsoever. 

“Points can always be made up on the final exam. I make my exams extremely hard for just that reason.” 

“I… Yes, I've heard stories of how hard it is. And I remember getting a D in the midterm.” Clarke admitted with harmed pride. She was accustomed to getting a low B at worst and the D was quite the surprise. 

Pike simply hummed in agreement. 

“So, what is my current standing in the class? You never mentioned.” 

“You Ms. Griffin are…” He paused to click over to his grading folder. “Failing. After Monday's missed assignment your grade in my class is in the… high forties.” 

“Boy, I really hope you mean out of fifty.” Clarke chuckled nervously. 

“I don't.” Professor Pike didn't find it funny or laugh even just to humor her. 

“So… uugh, is there any chance of saving that, even with the final exam? Like what would I need to pull on the final to pass? I kinda need this class to graduate in a month.” Clarke’s laughter petered out into a terrified wince. 

“Yes. You can still pass.” He answered. 

Clarke allowed herself a huge sigh of relief. “Well, that is great to know! What do I have to score?” 

“To pass?” 

Clarke resisted the urge to sarcastically reply with a ‘no, to fail’, but instead she restrained herself and replied with a simple. “Yes.”

“Do you need a D or a C in my class to graduate?” He offered nonchalant. 

“C.” 

“A C then.” 

“Huh?” Clarke reflexively questioned. 

“You would need to get a C on the final to receive a C in my class.”

“Ok, I’m really sorry. But can you please stop messing with me. I’ve had enough for today, ok? I may be failing your class, but I can do basic math and there is no way that a forty percent plus seventy percent is seventy percent!”

“I am not messing with you, nor have I been all day.” Pike finally turned his gaze to Clarke. 

“Oh please, ignoring me before class and then being buddy-buddy with Jasper? He might show up, but he is so distracting! I don't think I've ever seen him be quiet for more than two minutes during class. No matter how important the topic is. And then running through each topic so fast that no one could get in a minute to ask a question. I know the pace of your lectures. A half a chapter a day. But today? You went over six!” 

“I reviewed the six chapters so that you would have the opportunity to catch up on what you missed. And I have a policy that if anyone scores higher on the final than their grade before the final, then I will simply award the grade from the final. I don't put on the syllabus because if I do then lecture attendance drops by half immediately; people assume that if they can pass the final that nothing else matters. So, no. I was in fact neither ‘fucking with you’ or ‘messing with you’. I was simply attempting to help you pass. Jasper won't pass because he will get a thirty on the final. You, however, still have a chance. I gave you the important chapters to study and the important information to glean from them. The rest is up to you Ms. Griffin.” Pike answered cold and returned to his computer, fidgeting around as to set it back to how it was before he had opened his grading program. 

“I…” Clarke was still processing. 

“You?” He teased. 

“I… didn't know. I… kinda feel like an ass.”

“You were the one who said it. Not me.” 

Clarke wanted to argue, but he was technically right. “Uugh, I also brought snacks from the vending machine?” Clarke offered, snaking them out of her purse and handing them off to Pike. 

“Thank you.” He took them gracefully. 

“I… good night sir.” Clarke sighed, still feeling quite the fool. 

“Ms. Griffin?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Study. Please?” 

“Yes sir.” Clarke nodded before heading out in an odd combination of having an extra pep in her step an extra weight keeping her head down slightly. She could do it. She had to be able to do it! Right?

End of Chapter 56