A True Alpha Chapter 64

Chapter 64

The next two weeks seemed to pass by on sixteen times speed fast forward. Lexa was doing better as early as the morning after the anniversary. But Clarke still insisted that the two of them take another day off for the combination of self-care and generalized recuperation. This suggestion certainly came with a fair amount of push back and protest from the other alpha, but eventually, Lexa caved. The third anniversary had truly taken its share out of her, left her soul beyond sore, and she just didn't have the lingering spirit to put up as much of a fight as would have been required to convince Clarke that her study was more important than cuddling on the couch and munching on egregious amounts of leftovers that lingered from the previous night’s delivery. Halfway through the day, even Octavia and Raven joined in on the lounge session. It made for a comforting environment, Raven hadn't gotten such a significant breath of relief practically since she had first gotten pregnant, back before Clarke lost hers and fell off the deep end once again. It was a new level of relief for her to see just how relaxed and happy Clarke was now that she wasn't fighting a dynamic that wasn't her on a constant basis. 

Sadly, however, none of them really got much of a break again for the rest of the month after that. Octavia grew busy with all the new customers wanting to ensure they had their beach bodies ready for summer. Raven, ever the bookworm simply worked in deeper as finals approached and threatened to kick her ass once again. Lexa returned to a slightly less backbreaking schedule for working on her next novel. Clarke’s nose didn't leave the pages of a textbook or a sizeable art project or a paper she needed to complete until the night before her big test. Her first exam had gone well, all of her late work had been submitted and by some miracle, so had all of her final projects. But it felt like none of that meant a damn thing if she couldn't get a C or better on the following day’s test. For that reason, and also because she had spent the past three weeks memorizing the book, several practice exams, all of even the supplemental reading material from the professor’s syllabus, her notes, and several of her classmate's notes, Clarke allowed herself the final day before her big exam to relax. Also, Lexa’s demanding it in absolutely no uncertain terms may have played a role, but no one would ever hear Clarke admit to such a thing. 

Lexa at one point actually stole a notebook out of Clarke’s hands and more or less forced her to sit down while she made some fancy salmon for their dinner. Clarke insisted she didn't like Fish, but Lexa demanded she eat because it was brain food. For all of her protesting, Clarke adored the salmon, even asked for seconds. Lexa obliged with a smile and minimal gloating. The elder alpha allowed Clarke only an hour and a half after dinner before ordering her to bed. She also then dragged her and damn near tied her down to the bed; in fact, a little later Lexa did tie her down. Clarke continued her protests, whining about how it was still not even nine yet, but Lexa was hearing none of it. Lexa simply stood her ground and demanded that Clarke take care of herself and at a minimum get cozy in bed because she had her big exam the next day at ten. Clarke made some witty crack about how she’d be more willing to get cosy if she was doing so with Lexa’s head between her thighs; to her surprise, most of all the quip worked. It had worked a little too well, and in all of her rigger excitement, Lexa was very upset when it was almost eleven-thirty and Clarke was still wide awake. Either way, one more orgasm seemed to do quite the trick and send Clarke off into an intense slumber. 

The alpha admired her handiwork and enjoyed licking her lips clean of Clarke’s unique flavor. Clarke was already asleep as Lexa finally began undoing the bonds and tucking the slumbering alpha tightly into the bed. Once she was satisfied with how comfy and angelic Clarke looked with her face smushed up against a small mountain of pillows, Lexa quietly slipped out of the bed to prepare a special breakfast for Clarke. It was nothing huge, but in her eyes, Clarke deserved every single small edge she could possibly have after so much hard work, and if there was anything she could do, Lexa would ensure Clarke had that edge. A sizeable selection of pre-cut fruit, some bread set to be ready fresh the moment that they woke, and more would be made when Clarke finally woke, but for now, prep was finished and Lexa could finally return to bed with Clarke. 

The younger alpha stirred but thankfully didn't wake as Lexa slipped in next to her and wrapped her arms all the way around her slumbering mate. Lexa couldn't resist peppering Clarke with soft kisses accompanied with a couple lingering nuzzles to soak up the alpha’s scent. Impossibly perfect, strong, serene, heavenly, even as Clarke was sleeping, her odor was everything that Lexa could ever need. Her every worry and fear melted away for a while until she succumbed to sleep, joining her mate in the penultimate level of rest. 

Clarke didn't wake until two hours after Lexa had woken up. The other alpha had already cooked up two different types of quiches, bacon, sausage, and even pancakes just in case that was the type of thing Clarke wanted. She had also set out the fruit, a couple varieties of jam, butter, and the fresh bread was almost eating temperature. 

“Hey baby.” Clarke greeted wiping crust from her eyes, vision still blurry with sleep to the point she didn't notice the spread. “Uugh, what smells so good?” 

“I made you a couple options for breakfast baby.” 

“A couple?!” Clarke’s jaw dropped when her eyes finally found the smorgasbord. 

“I will not be having my mate’s performance sabotaged by hunger.” 

“I can tell. But why aren't you concerned about sending me into a food coma?” 

“You can food coma after your exam! For now, just enough to keep you going.” 

“Well, that is probably a sizeable amount anyways. It is a four-hour exam.” 

“Dear fucking god why?” Lexa nearly choked on a strawberry she had snagged from a fruit bowl she had set out earlier. 

“Yup, Four fucking hours. The prof thinks that it is best to have an extra-long test to see if everyone really knows the material’.” Clarke performed frustrated air quotes. 

“Well, most of the time exams don't take all of the time allotted. So hopefully that is a saving grace.” 

“Nope, not this guy. He intentionally puts way too many questions on his exams. Almost no one ever finishes before time is up.” Clarke found a seat at the kitchen’s dining island. 

“Sounds like an asshole.” Lexa rolled her eyes in solidarity. 

“Well, the point of his class is to have everyone do the work and then pass despite pulling like a forty on the final. But, I don't have such a luxury.” Clarke’s fear bled through to her demeanor. 

“You can do it love. I believe in you.” Lexa pushed an already prepared plate to Clarke and then took the alpha’s hand in hers. “I know you can do it.”

“Thanks baby." Clarke sighed anxiously. 

"Eat up. You need it." 

Clarke smiled back wearily before poking around at the beautiful meal her mate had set out for her. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing." The automated response slipped out before Clarke could formulate any more honest response or even really process the implications of the question.

"Sure, cause I believe that." Lexa challenged. 

"I… I'm anxious." 

"Really? Ah! I can't believe it!" Lexa played off her frustration with a light-headed look. 

"I know. I know it is obvious. Just, I did everything I could. But will it be enough?"

“It will.” 

“How do you know!” Clarke had begun worrying herself sick and all in the course of the whole minute that had passed since she sat down. 

“Because we have been through so much in the past three months. It’s about time that we had some good news for a change.” 

“I think my hormones count as good news.” 

“Yeah, but that was a good change after a decade of you having to deal with the wrong dynamic.” 

Clarke smiled back politely. “I love you. And we need to schedule another meeting with Nyko. She said to wait until after my second rut to schedule again, that the next meeting would be extra important.” 

“You know why?” 

“Probably cause we weren't supposed to start on the rut dosage last time.” Clarke shrugged. “I’m sure it’s just to check that everything is progressing right, that my next rut isn't too much or too little.” 

“Maybe she wants to talk to other potential options to progress transition?”

Clarke's eyes opened to a bewildered state. 

“Just a thought.” Lexa’s shoulders popped up just to fall back down nonchalantly. 

“You think she would allow me to move on already? It’s only been a month.” 

“I don't know. Could take a year to schedule something like that? Who knows.” 

“I presume she would. But god. A month? After only a month?” Clarke retreated back into her own mine. It was terrifying and laced with cautious hope, but it was a good reprieve from exam stress. 

“You are right. She would. But maybe that would give more reason to her offering it to you as an option as soon as it is possible? Or even well before it is possible just so that you know if you want to pursue it.” Lexa suggested. “She understands what you are going through. As much as I am not a fan of admitting it, she probably understands it far better than I do. So, if it is something she thinks is important, then I would understand her offering you options like that extra early.” Lexa paused, catching sight of an alpha in headlights staring back at her. “You know you don't have to do anything else if you don't want to! I! I’m sorry! I wasn't trying to stress you out! I was trying to be hopeful, not stressful!” Lexa’s jolly mood died out almost instantly.

Clarke’s mouth opened and closed once or twice, cycling through tothe right way to approach her response. “I want to move forward. To finally have it all done with. I LOVE what I have had so far. The hormones are amazing, and the idea of not even having the other bits, of having something actually bigger than my thumb? Oh god, I don't know if there is anything I want more in the world than that. But it isn't like I could do that even if Nyko signed off on something like that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Lexa, I don't even know if I have health insurance. I am just finishing up school, and yeah, I got some scholarships. But I got a hell of a lot of loans too! Loans I need to start paying off soon. Loans I might need to start paying off without even having a degree to help me get a job.” 

“How do you not know if you have insurance?” 

“I haven't talked to my mom in three years. I used to have my insurance through her. I haven't had to go to a doctor for anything other than with Nyko, who has sliding scale, and the hospital when we lost the baby. And I am honestly still waiting to get the bill for that.” 

“You're Not… You aren't gonna get a bill for the hospital.” Lexa averted her eyes. 

“Why not?” Clarke’s face contorted in confusion. 

“I… kinda took care of it while we were there.” 

“What the fuck? Come again?” 

“You didn't get to choose. You were out cold, and I felt like if you didn't get to choose you shouldn't have to pay for it. So I gave them my billing information.” 

“Lexa.” 

“I was terrified that you were gonna die at the time. I’m sorry. I get that it isn't really right of me to have done that for you without talking to you. But, I was scared.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed and her jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry you were so scared. I love you. I appreciate you protecting me from something so terrifying like a huge ass bill I had no way to deal with.” Clarke took a moment to breathe. “Thank you. And you didn't have to do that.” 

“At the time it felt like I owed it to you, I thought it was all my fault.”

“No, no. None of it was-” 

“I know. But at the time-” 

“I get it.” 

“You aren't mad?” Lexa checked. 

“No. I don't want you to go doing it again without talking to me. But I'm certainly not mad.” 

“You are my mate. I’d do anything I can to help keep you safe.” Lexa’s hand reached across the kitchen island. 

“And I you.” Clarke mirrored Lexa’s moves and allowed their hands to meet in the middle. “I also feel like I owe you big time now.” 

“I know what you can do to pay me back.” Lexa smiled. 

“What’s that? Blowjobs on demand? Cause for this? I think I could manage that for a rut or two. Or at least until I can start actually paying you back. Especially after how you collapsed tor me last time. It was so beautiful to see you on the floor panting with me, the taste of your cum still on my lips.”

“You aren't paying me back with money. That is simply out of the question. We are mates, and one day I expect to see a ring on one of our fingers, so there would be no point to paying me back.” Lexa ordered stern. 

“Not even if the question involves blowjobs?” Clarke performed outrageous puppy dog eyes.

“No, nothing so grand, nothing like that. I was thinking something more along the lines of you at least looking into surgery. Only if you really want it.” 

“Lexa.” Clarke’s eyes protested. 

“I want my alpha to be happy and safe. And your health matters.” 

“Lexa, it isn't something I can afford.” 

“Then I can get you on my insurance, or maybe you still have yours through your mom.” 

“In order to know I would have to talk to her.” 

“Then maybe that is what we need to do?”

Clarke hyperbolized a laugh. “No! If I do have any insurance and she finds out that this is why I want it!? She will cancel my insurance just to spite me.” 

“I forgot that she wasn't accepting. I’m sorry.” 

“Not accepting is one way to put it.” Clarke huffed and rolled her eyes hurting. 

“I’m here.” Lexa held Clarke’s hand tighter. 

“I know. Thank you.” 

“But really. I want you to look into it; again only if it is something you want.” 

“I do want it, but-” 

“No buts, bubble butt. I want you to look into it at least. Even if you never go through with it, or if it takes years. I don't want you holding back just because you think it is not plausible.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“That is more than enough.” Lexa relaxed, soothing Clarke as best as she could, rolling the alpha’s fingers around between her own. 

“I think I need to go soon. Professor Pike prefers students to arrive early to the exams.” Clarke looked down to her barely touched plate and momentarily mourned the fact that she hadn't used her time more wisely and eaten better. 

“Ok baby, But at least take some quiche to eat in the car.” 

“Thanks baby. I will.” 

The stressed alpha devoured her quiche corner in the car and Lexa offered up another piece she had snuck in with her just in case Clarke needed more. She did indeed need more, and the extra square of quiche actually went quite a long way to both help soothe her remaining hunger and to ade in abating her atrocious over active fears. Clarke’s nerves had already riled up, calmed down, rinsed and repeated at least three times before the two pulled into the school’s parking lot. Lexa bid her mate off with a litany of good luck kisses and best wishes. The weight of the world rained down on Clarke after she had double-checked that she had everything she needed for the exam and exited the comfort of the car. She marched off in hesitant steps off towards the building and then into the exam hall. 

It didn't take too long for her to find a vaguely comfortable seat, one on the end of a row where she would only have to stress half as much about wandering eyes. Once seated, she pulled out the chair’s hidden pull out desk and set out all of her materials. Unlike most of her smaller and more intimate classes, this one required the students to use an electronic test-taking device. The students were given the paper test, but all the answers were to be submitted through the clicker like device. Clarke despised the clicker, it made making a singular mistake simultaneously both so much easier, and completely catastrophic. One accidentally skipped question or doubled up answer and all her answers from that point forward would be one question off and therefore a perfect score quickly became a twenty or thirty percent. Clarke could feel the sweat forming on her brow at just the thought of how easily she could end up beyond screwed. It wasn't even like the other one or two classes she had that used these devices earlier in her time at the college. At least in the past, she had ample time to review her answers, compare what her test-taking device had for each of her answers with her notes and work in the margins of the paper test itself. But now she didn't have a chance in hell to review it before the test was over. She was going to need every minute she had just to strive to finish. On the bright side; was it a bright side? Clarke certainly wasn't sure. But she figured that she would know by the time the test was over. Anywho, the only real bright side to the whole clicker test taker was that as soon as a student sent in all of their answers and approved them or whenever time ran out, whichever came first, that student got to immediately see their score. And no, that wasn't the most terrifying concept that Clarke had ever heard, of course not. It only meant that she would have absolutely no time of relief between the test ending and learning that she had completely failed, that her life was over, she wasn't going to graduate and everything would immediately combust in an all-consuming inferno. 

After twenty minutes of Clarke working herself up into an impossibly tight and anxious ball of alpha, Pike finally announced that it was time for the exam to begin. His teaching assistants passed out the tests to the roughly one or two hundred students that he had in his class. Clarke had begun anxiously shaking by the time a test landed on her desk and knocked over the seven severely sharpened pencils she had set out. She briefly considered cursing the careless TA out, but then decided against it after she realized that she would most likely get kicked out of the exam for causing a disturbance if she did. Figuring that prof Pike wouldn't be so keen on retakes, Clarke thought it best that she simply pick her pencils back up in complete silence as opposed to potentially sending herself all the way up shit creek without even a fucking canoe. 

Pike gave the test instructions, asked for questions, waited for two or three hands to shoot up, and then succinctly told them all that it was the same as the midterm and that their questions could have been answered then if they had attended the midterm exam. Following the cruel taunt, he announced the starting time loudly and reminded the students that they only had four hours to complete the test; like a test could ever be described as only taking four hours in a setting that wasn't intended to be comical. After all his care and patience for his confused students in the explanation and beginning questions step of the exam, Pike adjourned to the desk at the front of the exam hall to rest and mindlessly dick around on his phone while his teaching assistants monitored the students being tested. 

The first question was hard, the second impossible, and the third caused Clarke to consider crawling down to the floor and curling up in a ball and just crying in the fact that she was an utter failure. Victory first struck at question five. Not only could she easily narrow it down to two of the five multiple-choice options, but she actually remembered going over the answer just two nights ago. She knew the answer! It wasn't everything, but it was something, something huge. It was a boost to her morale. She knew the answers by heart to seven, nine, twelve through twenty-three! Clarke had hit a roll! Things toughened up again around question twenty-five, but after a twelve question stint of confidence-building Clarke wasn't even phased. Sadly, this exam was a marathon, not a sprint, and Clarke was not an endurance anything. Her stamina truly began to wane around an hour and a half in when she hit question one hundred and forty-six. The alpha actually felt winded after such a long test, and she was only halfway through! Not even! The test was three hundred questions long! Things slowed significantly after that, and it felt like the clock’s hands spun faster and faster by the moment while each question grew longer, wordier, and more complex. Clarke’s head pounded and she wished that she had packed some aspirin or at least water, just something to keep her going through the test that felt like it spread on for more pages than Lexa’s book. 

Clarke’s worst fears were realized and then some when she realized on question two hundred thirty-six that her electronic answer submission device read two three-five. The alpha slammed her fist on her desk loud enough to garner at least twelve eyes, and almost immediately after, her head followed. She allowed her eyes a full minute of rest. She needed it, especially if she was going to avoid fucking up again with inputting her answers. Her skull felt like it had two thirty pound dumbbells attached to either side when she finally raised her heavy head to begin backtracking. Thanks to all that is holy in a cruel world, Clarke had the forethought to write each answer in the margins next to the question it accompanied. She grew certain somewhere around the tenth question of backtracking and correcting her answers that this was the work of the devil; no, no, not even the devil was quite that cruel. However after the twelfth backtracked question, Clarke’s thoughts of the devil’s work swapped to the sounds of angels singing and she was suddenly confident that she had one just for her, watching over and protecting her from having to reenter one hundred plus answers. 

The stress of the backtracking was beyond taxing, but having it over with and the fact that the one-time thing that went wrong was rather minor was a sizeable relief and gave her enough willpower to power on. Fear kicked in with no equal just a matter of moments after professor Pike stood and announced that they had only thirty minutes left before the exam was over. Clarke could swear she was about ready to carve a canyon at the floor under her she was sweating bullets so terribly once she realized she had thirty minutes to complete forty-three questions. FUCK, fuck, fuck! Clarke’s mental monologue broke out screaming as she snapped a pencil in anxiety. FUCK! She put down the split pencil and strived to refocus, to ram through the remaining questions with one last wind of stamina. The clock, however, had no plans of aiding Clarke in her hopeful attempts to finish the whole exam. One question. She had finished all but one question when he called time. She instinctively gave a random answer because, what was to be lost? It was a one in five shot at an extra point, so why the hell not. 

“That’s it. Time is up, and you have one minute to submit your responses. The TA’s will begin collecting the tests. As soon as yours had been turned in and you have submitted your answers, you are free to go.” Pike ordered before gathering his papers and slowly packing them up into his bag. 

Being that Clarke was on the end, she was one of the first to have her test taken. It was taken so fast her finger still hovered terrified over the submit button. One positive thing was that she had actually answered all three hundred questions through the test-taking device, and that meant that no more questions had accidentally been skipped or double answered. But it didn't mean anything as far as a guarantee for her grade. Sure Clarke felt like she had done ok, but ok in this context was certainly a vague term. Clarke was certain with absolutely no doubt that her score was most definitely somewhere between a zero and a one hundred. But for some reason reminding herself of that didn't seem to do much of anything to comfort her. In all reality, she was rather confident that her score was probably somewhere in between a sixty and an eighty-five; oh lord how she hoped it was towards the higher end of that scale. In all of her shaking anxiety, her finger slipped and hit the submit button. Clarke’s eyes shot down to see the mistake, and her grade. 

Sixty-nine point four percent. Clarke’s heart shattered. Not even a whole point away? How evil could the universe be? Why! What entity could ever be so cruel? To be off by only point six points? Hell! With rounding up, Point one points would have made the difference. How! How could this be? How in the hell could she ever accept that! No! This was just wrong, evil and cruel. Wait. if it was really just a point… Pike had actually been almost kind to her a couple weeks ago. He genuinely seemed to care about helping her pass. Maybe if she reinforced that she had been in the hospital and lost her child. Maybe, just maybe.

Most of the students had already cleared out. No one really wished to stay in the room any longer than they had to after four hours non stop test-taking. By something that felt like a sign crossed with a miracle, Pike was still packing up, but he wouldn't be for long. Clarke had to act fast or else she would lose her opportunity. She hastily threw everything but her test-taking clicker in her bag and then threw her bag over her shoulder before rushing off to Pike. 

“So, is this a happy one or a sad one?” Pike asked before Clarke even arrived at his desk 

“What?” 

“Are you coming to tell me you did it, or beg me to cut you some slack?” 

“I got a sixty-nine point four.” 

“Congratulations.” Pike didn't even look up to see Clarke’s eyes. 

“Sir, I was so close. I literally spent every day since I got back from grieving the LOSS of my CHILD breaking my back to study for this exam.” 

“I do intentionally make hard tests.” 

“I… Is there anything I can do to get an extra point, any extra credit at all? I-” 

“I won't be grading your paper any different from anyone else in the class Ms. Griffin. 

Clarke’s heart sank, she knew what his answer would be, but that didn't make it any easier. “Thanks anyways sir.” 

“As stated. Congratulations.” Pike repeated cold.

“Geez, that is rather cold-blooded sir. To congratulate me even after I didn't pass the class.” 

“I don't assign sixty-nines. Not to you, not to anyone. I find it… too cold-blooded.” He raised his head and tilted an eyebrow at Clarke. 

“You mean?” 

“I also don't appreciate having students laugh about getting such a grade in my class. So I round up for anyone who scored a sixty-nine or above to a seventy.”

“So you weren't just fucking with me when yous said congratulations!?” 

“No, I wasn't.” He looked up and extended a hand. “It is actually an incredible score. Congratulations Clarke.” 

Clarke’s jaw lingered somewhere just above the floor as she took his hand, shook it and began with a profuse litany of thank yous. 

All he had left to say in response was a follow-up. “Congratulations Clarke. ” 

End of Chapter 64