My Feral Lady Chapter 34

Chapter 34

A baker’s dozen

The healing of the feral wolf went well, and Alex returned with sam in less than an hour with wide smiles and entirely renewed confidence. Things were going well! Somehow all of a sudden everything, everything was going their way; it was all turning up wolves! That night, Alex and Sam finally had their little munchkin back home, and they both took the opportunity to give her a good dinner and lots of love and reassurance. However, and they really should have expected it, but Ruby was very eager to talk about what happened with Cat. Luckily, Sam had at least already had the most rudimentary of death talks with Ruby from when ironically their pet cat had died the year prior. Ruby had her own litany of questions about how and why what happened to Cat had happened. Alex and Sam struggled to answer some of the questions, especially those which seemed to center on what would happen to Cat now that she was dead. Alex for being a necromancer believed in very little, and Sam had always leaned rather heavily towards atheism until she had been turned, and being that she was a mother rather soon after she had been turned, she never received much of an opportunity to rethink what she may or may not believe. The two eventually settled on admitting that they were not very sure, but that Cat had lived a good life, that what was most important now was being there for her friends who had just lost their mother. 

Kara and Lena also seemed to be thrust into a similar situation except they ended up having to do it an extra dozen times over and all to different ages. Thankfully for their sakes, the children they were suddenly taking care of had some level of familiarity with it all already. It nearly broke Lena in half to see that some of Cat’s children had become numb to it like they had already accepted and processed the loss like it was all but logical that just after they lost their father they now lose their mother as well. Kara was there for her tho, the alpha held Lena’s hand all the way through and lent what strength she had to ensure that the omega could get through. 

“Those poor kids.” Kara whimpered, emotionally exhausted from the whole endeavor. 

“They have no one.” Lena wiped away forming tears before they could fall. 

"That's not true. They have the pack." Kara tried to soften the strain the thought put on her mate. 

"It's not the same. We both know that." 

"I know. But…" Kara trailed off before seeing that Lena was not going to have her feelings soothed so easily. 

"It is the equivalent to having a bunch of aunts and uncles who will pat them on the back and just leave them with a ‘that’s rough kid’ but who won't do the decency of actually taking them in or anything.” 

“Well, none of the pack would ever want to split them up like that. And I don't blame anyone for not wanting to adopt a dozen and one kids at once after having had none for their whole lives. It is just a lot for any of them.” Kara strived to temper the omega.

“So? What are the other options? Adam gives up going to school? Has to stay here and be a father to his siblings at all of what, sixteen?” 

“He is seventeen I think. Emelia is sixteen.” Kara corrected, she could already see her fate written all over Lena’s face. 

“That is barely any better! They are both still just kids. How in the hell are they supposed to be expected to be able to take care of all their brothers and sisters?” Lena’s tone grew more and more dire.

“I know, and I know it all sucks.” Kara moved to her mate and began to massage at Lena’s shoulders, kissing at the omega’s neck gently as she strived to soothe her mate. “I know, I know. I love you, and I know what you are thinking.” 

“Well, why not!” Lena’s voice rose. 

“Are you capable of that? Am I? I love you, I love you more than anything and I wholeheartedly believe that you can do absolutely anything. But…”

“You aren't going feral anymore!” The omega spun around to face Kara. 

“Is that the only reason why you didn’t suggest it the other day?” 

“I mean… yes, that was certainly a part of it. But!” Lena trailed off quickly, wanting to give a but something or other, however, she came up with nothing.

“You were scared.” Kara’s soft voice postulated.

“You are too!” Lena shot back a little quickly. 

“Hell yes I am. Baby, I love you, and I certainly want to raise little ones with you one day, but I am not entirely sure I am perfectly ready to do that today.” Kara was just a little too caught up in her attempts to explain what she meant to see the horror that set in on Lena’s face in the dimly lit room. “Especially with the stuff of me having gone so close to going feral just like Adam and Maxwell. I didn’t even know what was going on till yesterday. It just feels like a reminder that I might not be ready yet.” Kara paused, still not quite paying enough attention to Lena in the exact way needed in that specific moment, instead taking the moment to hug her rather than focus on the effect her words had on the omega. 

“You aren't ready for kids?” Lena’s sunken and hollow tone haunted it’s way up her throat and out her mouth. 

“I don't know. That’s all I am saying. That I don't know, and If I don't know, then I don't think it is for the best that I start with twelve kids if I am not sure I could even handle one.” Kara was trying to comfort as she squeezed gently at her mate. She was also doing an absolutely shit job.

“Yeah. Yeah, I understand.” Lena slithered herself away from Kara’s embrace. 

“Love?” 

“Bedtime!” Lena made a show of yawning and stretching.

“Love?” 

“I am really tired. It’s been a long day.” 

“Lena!” 

“Yup love?” Lena forced an unwavering face. 

“You are upset.” 

“No.” Lena lied cold, turning back to the bed to pull back the covers. 

“Hey.” Kara frowned at the omega. “Did I do something wrong.” 

“No.” Lena shook her head a little hard. 

“L-” 

“I know I said we could do dirty stuff, but I am just not feeling up to it anymore. I’m sorry. Can we just get into bed?” 

“I don’t care if we have sex tonight! But no! I don't want us to just let… whatever has you upset go and have us both sleep angry or irritated.” 

“Well, I’m glad to know you don't care if I want to have sex with you.” Lena knew she was being an ass. That she was pushing back way too hard. But she was angry, hurting, too emotionally charged to stop herself.

“Lena.” Kara staggered backward hurt. 

“Can we please just go to bed? I am really tired and I need the sleep.” 

“Are you really just upset because I am not sure I am ready to take on a baker's dozen of kids all at once?”

“I am mad because you told me kids were what you wanted! Suddenly that isn't the case?” Lena snapped.

“Baby, baby it isn't at all that I don't want kids, that is not what I was saying at all. I am just not sure that I am ready for all of Cat’s kids all at once. I know that you want to stay here and keep watching after them, pick up just where Cat and Raymond left off. But in some ways that is even scarier than just the idea of suddenly having a dozen infants! At least with kids we have on our own we will know well, we wouldn't just be strangers suddenly coming in and trying to tell them that we can be their moms now.” Kara appealed. 

“I know!” Lena lied and they both knew it. 

“Do you?” 

“I do now.” Lena coughed up, clearly not entirely satisfied. The flustered omega slipped into the bed that wasn’t hers. 

“Ok then.” Kara sighed. It killed the alpha that she could just feel Lena’s unease and displeasure. She sat on the bed, placing her hand gently low on Lena’s leg, an innocent but caring touch from above the blankets. “I love you, and I will think about it alright? It is just a lot to commit to all that after only maybe thirty hours around them.” Kara tried to reassure. 

“Yeah, I know. I love you.” Lena reassured softly, hooking her leg behind Kara’s ass and pulling the alpha closer into her. 

“I love you too.” Kara leaned over and hugged Lena. “You aren't the only one worrying about those kids you know? I actually know Adam a little. Boy am I fucking scared for him. That boy has a bright future. But with this? Who knows, so many people have fallen apart from so much less. Emelia too. She has been playing strong for everyone, but… I am really scared for her. I want to be there for them too. But if we do this, we have to be ready to do it. All in. No backing out. No stepping away. It is that I am afraid of. If something happens to you or me and we can't follow through. These kids losing someone else will break them.” Kara explained as best she could. It was not much, but it was all she could do to explain herself. 

“I love you.” Lena’s voice broke and quivered. She shifted in the bed. Raising her hand from under the covers, Lena took Kara’s hand.

“I love you too.” Kara kissed Lena’s hand. “You scare me when you don't talk to me like that.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m just… there is a lot going on and I was just really worried about the kids.” Lena wanted to tell. To explain what had her so worked up so easily. Nothing came out. She couldn’t will herself to speak, to explain it all. Instead, Lena just took the time and enjoyed feeling Kara laying against her and holding her hand.

“It’s ok. Just as long as you are ok. That is all that matters my love.” 

“You being ok matters too.” Lena whispered back, half into her pillow. “Now get into the bed with me! Not just sitting on the edge. I… I still am not quite up for the dirty stuff I promised, but I still want cuddles.”  

“Cuddles are always an option.” Kara smiled and scurried up to her place on the bed to hold the omega close. 

End of Chapter 34