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ErikaMoen
ErikaMoen

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Sober Sex (PODCAST)

In my last post, I mentioned that my recovery from COVID has been rough, but I didn’t really get into details. And even here, now, where I’m posting the photo/text updates I shared privately with my friends-only list on Instagram, I still don’t really express just how shockingly bad this has been for me and- by extension- Matt, who has to deal with me losing my fucking mind this last week.

Honestly, it’s been scary and also really demoralizing. Like, I went through Space Camp, I graduated from six months of DBT, I have the tools to take care of my mental health now. But, when I am once again slipping backwards into crisis, in this exact kind of scenario that I have been training for the last several years, I… can’t access my tools.

Some months ago, Louisahhh Pillot interviewed me for Sober Sex. As the name suggests, it’s a podcast about recovery from addiction and/or your other demons, and connecting intimately to yourself and others.

Tonight I listened to this version of me from just a few months ago and it feels weird to admit but………. I needed that?

A grounded, kinder version of myself was speaking to me about the exact poison that is burning through my (our) brain right now and she was patient, she was hopeful, she had love. For me. She had love for me. I had love for me.

I had love for me.

Sorry, I can see how uncharitably this can be interpreted. What kind of narcissist loves hearing her own voice say reassuring things to her? It sounds self-obsessed and cringe, I know, I know.

But also… my internal voice is……………. not kind. It’s scary. It scares me. When my mental health is bad? It’s real fucking scary in there.

So, to hear my own voice cutting through my internal poison with patience and kindness and acceptance? Yeah. Ok. If that is a bad look, fine, I’ll take it.

Maybe we should all do this. When you’re in a good place, you could leave a message for your future self, the version of you that is struggling with those demons you’ve always had and will probably always have. You could tell yourself the truth, that this stuff is hard and hurts and it could very well destroy you, and also… you can survive it. You can even thrive sometimes. It’s going to get worse and it’s going to get better and you’ve survived it before and, believe it or not, you actually are able to survive it now, once again, just keep swimming, baby, just keep swimming. You know you can believe this message, because who knows you better than you?


Comment Request:

I’d most love to hear about something positive from you. The best thing that happened to you in the last seven days or something like that.

Please refrain from reassuring or praising me, or going in-depth about bad mental health, I’m a bit too fragile for those kinds of stories right now /:)

Thank you so, so much for honoring my request! ❤️

Sober Sex (PODCAST) Sober Sex (PODCAST) Sober Sex (PODCAST) Sober Sex (PODCAST) Sober Sex (PODCAST) Sober Sex (PODCAST) Sober Sex (PODCAST)

Comments

I love that stomachache from laughing so hard for so long ♥

Erika Moen

Tonight’s D&D session made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. 💚

Jennie Huntoon

It's SO GOOD!! I'm at the last couple of episodes and I don't wanna watch them yet cuz I'm not ready for it to be over lol

Jaeger Spratt

I think they went well. Hopefully one of them results in a job offer.

Chelsea

Ooo, Matt and I just started watching Owl House last week and we freakin' love it.

Erika Moen

I just got back last night from tabling at my first ever convention! Exhausted but it was so fun. I'm working with my partner to promote a book he wrote and I edited and contributed illustrations to, and it's been a huge learning curve but very gratifying to be really DOING the thing! Thankful I can take the afternoon off today to recuperate while it drizzles outside and I am cozily watching Owl House on my bean bag couch :)

Jaeger Spratt

Sorry to disappoint 😅 I had several designs I wanted and we only got to the first...third? Lucy's will be next time

Sky

It was so bizarre it was great! Started out like a nice calm meditation session, with a little singing bowl. And then suddenly there’s crystals bowls going. And a gong. My body felt like it was cycling through vibrations, it was wild. At t her end of it I was exhausted but the next day I was so happy, I just spent all day in an amazing mood. Not sure I’ll go again anytime soon but so glad I tried it! Also I’ve really enjoyed reading the replies here too :)

Rachel Avila

I just got a beautiful edition of the Roots of Chaos books in the mail 🔥 I’ve been loving every second with my weighted blanket and my hot tea😊

Emmy

Axiom's End

Noel S.

It's so fun!!! Highly recommend trying it if you get a chance. I'm very new to it and found a teacher through the local weaving guild (there are so many more weaving guilds around than I'd realized).

Claire Bendix

Thank you! And I got a first round (out of 4 total) interview already last week, and the person I spoke to said they already wanted me in for the second round (this coming week). Still waiting on the actual calendar invite but FUCK YES

Bailey Doolittle

I dyed my first batch of yarn ever last weekend with my friend, and it is just the most singularly stunning shade of green and in a really beautiful saturation gradient and it absolutely fills my heart with glee. I can't stop looking at it. I'm not sure what I am going to crochet with it, but whatever it is, it's going to be GORGEOUS.

H

Ooooooooooooooooo

Erika Moen

That sounds delightful.

Erika Moen

CONGRATULATIONS and also which audiobook?

Erika Moen

OO! Why Iceland? Matt and I want to visit someday too...

Erika Moen

How did they go??

Erika Moen

That is so fucking uplifting.

Erika Moen

If you felt like sharing, past a link to where you're posting your work! I bet more people than just me would love to follow your progress ❤️

Erika Moen

My heart is *so* happy for you, I'm so proud of you ❤️

Erika Moen

Look at you knowing your shit and having people want to share your knowledge because you're GODDAMN LEGIT.

Erika Moen

ALL HAIL THE SUN!!!

Erika Moen

Life is just better with companions, whatever form they take ❤️

Erika Moen

High fives ❤️❤️❤️

Erika Moen

Oh my gosh, that's awesome!! I'd love to see the design, if you wanna share it- either as a private message to you [DISCLAIMER, I AM V. BAD ABOUT REPLYING] or if you wanna upload it to some picture sharing site and past the link here ❤️

Erika Moen

Oh my gosh, it is such a special feeling of magic when a shy creature opens up to you. You have been chosen! You are the Chosen One.

Erika Moen

ahhhhhh good luck!!! 🍀🍀🍀

Erika Moen

Fuck yeah, good job ❤️

Erika Moen

A Sounds Bath! I need to know more.

Erika Moen

That is LOVELY. I LOVE to hear about exes staying friends ❤️ It's so special to form a deeper connection with someone and I love hearing when people can keep it in some way as they enter a new version of their relationship together. Good for you guys!

Erika Moen

It was a fantasy novel called Seasparrow by Kristian Cashore. It's about a spy who's caught in a shipwreck slowly unraveling her family trauma as she and the crew treck across the arctic trying to survive. Also there a telapathic foxes. It's the fourth in a series that I love.

Chelsea Watson

Weaving!!! Oh my gosh, that sounds so lovely. Someday I'll get to try!

Erika Moen

Oh wow, that's so cool!

Erika Moen

Oh my gosh! I'm so glad he pulled through and I hope recovery goes as smoothly as it can. Poor boy :( Auhg, these creatures, how dare they take up so much space in our hearts when they are so much more fragile than us 😤

Erika Moen

Mmm a warm brick wall, that sounds *heavenly*

Erika Moen

YESSSSSSS.

Erika Moen

Mmmmmmmmm I love Japanese curry!

Erika Moen

🥺❤️

Erika Moen

Oo which one?

Erika Moen

Oh my gosh, it's such an incredible feeling to be able to move around again and breath in fresh air. Sending you good vibes across the border for steady healing!

Erika Moen

🤞🤞🤞

Erika Moen

Oh wow, congratulations and wishing you a speedy recovery!

Erika Moen

❤️👯❤️

Erika Moen

Fuck YES, 15! That's incredible!

Erika Moen

Yes, love this. Make a little nest with your loved ones ❤️❤️❤️

Erika Moen

Scooooooooore

Erika Moen

Which one??

Erika Moen

We have 7 chickens in our front yard, and our new neighbors have kids that pulled out the privacy strips in the chain-link fence so they have a window t the chickens from their back yard. This is the best neighborhood bonding I have felt since we chainsawed an archway through the massive hedge to facilitate visits to our neighbor on the other side. (Also the postal worker uses the shortcut and it makes me so happy.)

John Ashcraft

After a few weeks of cancelled plans I got to go for a run with my work running buddy again! It was glorious out (for Ottawa in March). And I'm going to get back to DMing my D&D game next weekend after a couple of months off.

Eric Hortop

I got to plant pepper seeds this week (starting them indoors) and my brussels sprouts and cauliflower are growing beautifully. I am so ready for the garden to be full of flowers and joy =)

David Zabner

I'm thoroughly enjoying some solo travel for the first time in a while - I absolutely adore traveling with friends or with my partner, but this is it's own thing and it's a breath of fresh air :-)

Anz Whitney

Last week I took a bunch of players from the instructional class and played in an in-club curling bonspeil. Not only did we not get crushed in every game but we actually won a game against very experienced players. Any my girlfriend made cheesecake, so it was a pretty good week.

David

I made possibly the BEST coffee-walnut cake I've ever made, and I booked tickets to go to London to see a comedy show!

Penny Gotch

Good luck!

Lars Gottlieb

I gave a talk on Sunday and I think it went well, but the utter highlight of this week was a moment the day after when I just went "wait, I'm done. None of this is urgent" and then instead of endlessly playing my talk in my head I just went to listen to a fluffy audiobook and do embroidery in the middle of a weekday afternoon and let my mind finally let it go. 🎧🪡🌻

Terri Oda

Really a culmination of a series of great events, but I just had my one-month-back-at-work anniversary, we had yummy cake and even some coworkers from another town came to celebrate too. And my workplace is being awesome with accommodations for my health issues. ❤️

Sharain

I booked a flight to Iceland to celebrate my birthday.

William Cole

My fiancé and I found a caterer we really like for our reception! It is a little scary to plan a wedding (and spend so much money!) but I’m really happy with all the vendors we’ve selected so far. Every time we sign a new contract it becomes more real and I’m excited for it.

Madison

I got two job interviews scheduled today!

Chelsea

The daffodils that I worked so hard to plant last autumn are up and starting to bloom! Also, I had a leftover banana (just one) that had sat on the counter just a few days too long--it made four delicious banana nut muffins! And I got to pet a dog on my walk a few days ago. It was very soft.

Leah Webber

It’s warming up here so our trees are flowering and they’re beautiful. Petals everywhere.

sodapop

Three weeks ago I got a promotion to a job I had been really hoping for. I love going to work right now. It is fun. It is exciting. And I get paid to do it! Win! Win! Win!

Jen Brady

I got back to working on an embroidery project from a class I took last summer. (Reversible Thistle Heart by Melinda Sherbring if you want to Google it.) I hope to finish it this week or next. I also signed up to take two more classes from her this year. Yay! Oh, and today I received the actual wooden casket for the Four Seasons Double Casket project by Tricia Nguyen Wilson. I still have a few years of work ahead of me on that project (I'm almost done with the sixth of 21 pieces of embroidery for that project! But the first ones are tiny and the later ones are 5-6 times bigger so it's less progress than it seems.) I'm excited to have the actual casket in my hands now, so I can check the size of my embroidery pieces against the actual casket so I'll know they'll fit. It may also give me the motivation to actually get more of it finished.

tim1724

I had a good call with a recruiter about a job, and also I love my girlfriend very much!!

Rachel Kelly

I’m a HS teacher, and (esp. post-virtual learning), it is HARD to keep positive in a sea of apathy. My students wrote quarter reflection letters, and grading the letters was surprisingly uplifting. I saw most of them acknowledge where they’d f’d up, where they’d done well, and what they felt they’d retained from class. A few even pointed out how the things they learned in my class (English) had helped them in their other classes, which is the WHOLE FRIGGIN’ POINT of English classes! It was a much needed boost that reaffirmed that they ARE learning SOMETHING from me.

Samantha Mann

A new round of Sketchbook Revival (online hosted by Karen Abend, and it's free!) started yesterday, and I have already watched one session, busting out my beloved Faber-Castell brush pens to do some colorful sketching (this year's focus is sketching in color)! 😍

Tamara

I'm on Mental Health Leave and just started a digital IOP and my therapist and I made me a lil schedule this morning that hopefully will help me keep momentum for my goals during this time. Learning to enact change through incremental process and unlearning "do the project and white knuckle it until it's done" is really hard so this lil schedule feels encouraging.

Devon McGuire

Yesterday, even though it was cold, I braved the weather and went the arboretum. It was full of the most beautiful blooming azaleas, enormous fields of tulips, and the biggest kale plants I've ever seen in my life. It was so good to get out of the house, to see beautiful plants --even if many are still sleeping -- and I was whiskered by a long-legged pollinator who landed on my hand and wiggled around for a little bit. So nice.

Kira S

In the past week I've had two different young people reach out to me to request I mentor them, which is an overwhelmingly wonderful surprise. I feel honored that they consider me someone who would be a good mentor, and it helps kick out some of the imposter syndrome.

Andrea Hulman-Watsjold

I had an unexpectedly social three days. High school friends came over for a Dutch Blitz evening on Saturday, we hosted a family dinner on Sunday, and my husband's friends came over for D&D on Monday. It was great to see everyone and catch-up.

Brenda Martin

I started playing cricket a few weeks ago, and this weekend I got my first wicket as a bowler (if you understand baseball more easily, it's sort of the same as my first out as a pitcher). Learning a new skill as an adult after I thought my physical abilities were past their peak has been extremely empowering, and has given me a focus I really appreciate having.

CollapsingHrungDisaster

I've been experimenting with making fancier coffee at home! It feels nice and almost like a form of self-care to take a little extra time and make these cute and yummy lattes that would normally run me $5-6 at a shop.

daytime

Echoing a few other commenters here, but in honor of the vernal equinox: the sunnnnnnnn makes me so happy. It’s the first time I’ve seen it multiple days in a row in, like, months.

Stephanie P

I met an adoptable dog with my spouse and kids and I’m scheduling a meet up with the other live-in doggo! I’m going to have my own doggo buddy again soon, and whoo gosh having a dog buddy makes my life better.

Kim A

Some of my friends came to visit last week and we basically just played board games for the whole six days they were here. So many board games. It was wonderful.

Bradford

Last monday, met with an obgyn for the first time in years, and she wasn't body/fat shaming or anything else my anixous brain was worried about.

Agnes Leguillon

I LOVE LUCY KNISLEY ! So happy for you !

Agnes Leguillon

🤞🏻🤞🏻

Sky

Lucy Knisley drew my tattoo! And I'm getting inked Friday!

Sky

I got my seed order from www.FreeHeirloomSeeds.org (shameless plug because they do awesome work) and I've got a whole bunch of them into flats! Things are slowly warming up and the sun feels nice. ❤️ On top of that, I've been in a good writing swing. Thanks for this post and the encouragement to share good things.

Mandy Wright

Oh, I didn't know that was an option!

Tay

Something positive -- our bunnies seem to have returned!! For a few weeks, we've been seeing only one bunny at a time, and we haven't been sure if it's the same bunny. But last night, we confirmed that there are at least two bunnies! Last spring/summer, we had at least 3 litters of baby bunnies and loved watching them grow up. I'm really looking forward to this year's babies

Tay

I rearranged my bedroom and now I can open my dresser drawers without bumping into the bed! Plus that “new room feeling” that I just love.

Crit

My partner and I bought mitts and a softball and when it was finally sunny last week, went to the park and played catch! It was silly and fun and the dog turned it into keepaway a few times, and it was so nice to just be moving and outside in the sun.

Katie

I made rainbow pasta from scratch using veggies for natural food coloring! It took hours but it was so fun and it had been a while since I allowed myself to do a big, silly food project. Turned out great!

Ceileigh Mangalam

I’m in Chicago visiting a friend & her “Covid cat” who was slightly under socialized & therefore very shy, LOVES me. I’m experiencing that special feeling of a little animal who is normally very nervous coming up to me and seeking attention & loves. Special facts: his name is Anchovy, and he has wet wet eyes. Bonus fact: his enthusiastic younger brother, who is the opposite of shy, is named Tadpole. Bonus bonus fact: They both LOVE to chase jellybeans around the house.

Amelia

I was super happy to see the native spring onions sprouting in the back yard cause it means spring is coming. Awww yeah, smell them onions!

Rachel Walker

My bestie and I auditioned to be on a gameshow yesterday, and if we get picked we get to fly to IRELAND

Jamie Chubbuck

I have felt every word of this viscerally, and honestly, same. Exact same. I just shared a photo with California friends about the dead grass getting exposed underneath the melting snow, and how the few strands of bright green here and there just give me life. I'm gonna go find a warm brick wall too.

Karine Charlebois

My crocuses are blooming! I forgot how many I had planted last year and seeing their sunshiney faces every morning is a very needed and encouraging reminder that spring is coming (even if it did snow this weekend...)

Kathryn E Blank

I got myself the Lego Atari 2600 set, and recently finished putting it together. Seeing it completed on the table made me *so happy*! I didn't expect that, but seeing the completed model brought back happy memories of my childhood, playing Atari...

Jay Moretz

I took a very silly online test to see which of my 5 senses is t he most neglected and it said hearing. One of the suggestions was to take a sounds bath and I thought huh, I have no good reason not too. So tonight I’ve got one scheduled and doing something random and fun is making me smile on this raining morning as I wait for my tea.

Rachel Avila

The return of the sun has been such a gift. There's still snow on the ground, but having light in the evenings means that I can hang out with my neighbors after work and watch our dogs romp around.

Caroline

My ex and I have become good friends and we went on a double date with our current partners last week. If you asked me years ago, I never thought I’d be capable of something like that! I was very proud of myself and all of us :)

Gabi

I was able to put aside work and life stress for an afternoon, and to continue with my weaving. The colors and patterns it makes, as well as the rhythms of working on it are deeply soothing and absorbing.

Claire Bendix

I submitted my audio for my first professional voice over reels 🥳 It took weeks to record everything but I’m already sounding better and it feels good to take the next steps in my new endeavour even if it’s scary AF.

Jacinta Sarpkaya

Positive thing happened to me last week is my cat survived. Week ago I noticed my cat, Frodo was lethargic and unable to pee. I obviously freaked out and immediately took him to a vet hospital. He had bladder stones, it can be deadly if left blocked too long. Fortunately it was caught early enough. Unfortunately he has many stones in his bladder which requires surgery. It's expensive 😩 but he survived and recovering very nicely. Just took him to vet for followup post surgery, everything looks great. Not looking forward for more days to giving him medicines, at least it will be over in week.

Sarah C Wilson

Threw a crawfish boil in our backyard and had our friends over! It was delish and it was so nice to see everyone together

BT

I live in Montreal and “spring” here is the worst season: all this garbage, grime, and dog poop melts out of the snow and what’s left is just this horrid wasteland because the ground is still semi-frozen and it’s probably sleeting. But! When the sun comes out, it feels warm on your face for the first time in months! Maybe you take your gloves off outside! Sometimes there’s a brick wall that faces south and is protected from the wind, and you can lean against it without a jacket and feel air on your skin that is not actively trying to kill you for the first time in months. It’s not a nice time, objectively, but it’s the first hint of nicer times to come. That’s where we are now and, frankly, when you’ve been up to your ears in snow and cold, a warm brick wall feels very damn good.

Amanda

I adopted my cat when she was 3, she's now almost 11 and has just become a lap cat thanks to this magic half fleece half sherpa blanket?? She is finally interested in being on the couch again (it has been the other cat's territory) but she has NEVER been willing to cuddle up on my legs, until now!

Alenka Figa

I'm getting over my spring cold and this weekend I made Japanese curry which is my favourite. And we made big batch so we have leftovers for later. n_n

The Ferret

The other day, when we all gathered for a family dinner, my five-year-old nephew gave me a card he made for me, which said how he loved me and that we were best friends. That made my day.

Jim Avery

I started two flats of seeds, including a bunch of melons and cucumbers that I have no room to plant in the yard, but the names were cool so what the hell.

Dan Bidwa

This saturday, we roleplayed with a couple really good friends. Our goblin pirates ran away from a see-through sea monster, made friends with a goblin cannoneer who made the neighbors yell because he showed off his cannon late at night, and there was much incredulous laughter and good food.

Lars Gottlieb

Grad school is way less hectic this week, so I've had time to lay around and reread one of my favorite books :)

Noel S.

I'm almost finished knitting the first sleeve of my Partner Pullover sweater. After that's done it's time to start the next sleeve, but still, it's looking pretty good!

Jalie

Was able to go for a walk in the sun on my own 11 days after intense hip surgery. I can walk to, and around, shops now. And I used that power to buy paper party streamers for my cats. Small little returns to pre-op life that have filled me with joy.

Yen

I formally applied for a transfer to a job I will enjoy better last week. I've been trying to line things up for months! Hoo-RAY!

Laura Kolker

I'm having an insanely good time reading and writing Our Flag Means Death fanfiction! :p

Deniz Bevan

Five days ago I got a hysterectomy and it has made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time! I was looking for permanent birth control and always had awful periods but thought I’d have to go through menopause if I scooped everything out but I finally found a doc who listened to my concerns and offered a “keep the ovaries” solution. I keep looking at my little healing scars and thinking I’ll never have the monthly hell again and I feel so lucky. Probably a strange thing to be excited for but it’s a game changer for me! Making changes to my body that I’ve wanted for so long. :>

Alex Larder

My girlfriend and I met at the train station to go visit her dad for his birthday last weekend, and without talking about it at all showed up in identical clothing. I cracked us up several times throughout the day.

Ellie

I have struggled with writing applications and applying for jobs for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, there's a parting in the clouds in my mind long enough to get a cover letter written, and then I use that over and over again with some customizations. I worry I'm dipping back into the cloudy place, so this story gives me hope that it doesn't last forever. I have had a moment of clarity this past weekend, and I submitted like 15 applications in one go. Let's hope this lasts a little longer.

Bailey Doolittle

I made green colored, dino shaped cookies for St Patrick's day

Margaret Lutz

Didn't happen yet but will happen on Saturday: My best friend with her three year old twins is moving to my town from a place fives hours away. I'm SO looking forward to having them around on a regular basis. I don't want children of my own but I'm prepared to commit to helping with the care of those two. It takes a village... :)

Zoltanina

It’s time for the annual LGBTQ film festival (Flare) in London which turns the British Film Institute’s site on the South Bank into a queer Mecca for 10 days and I’m absolutely basking in it.

Chaundra

I found that one of the local cafes gives out free bags of used coffee grounds. So out little pea sprouts are surrounded now, to hopefully keep away slugs and cats.

David Mansfield

My D&D group (well, actually Pathfinder 2E, for my fellow TTRPG nerds out there) met last week for game, and schedules aligned such that we’re also meeting this week for game! Our gaming session schedule is very much on an “adults with jobs and family obligations” frequency, so it’s super exciting to get a couple sessions in back to back weeks!

Theresa Devaux

I finished a good book!

Chelsea Watson

Thank you!!! Plants are just the best! And I want make sure everyone knows. 🌱

madaboutforests

Oh my gosh!! That IS a dream job! I’m crossing my fingers for you and also I totally want to take a course like that too!

Erika Moen

On Saturday and again today (Tuesday), I am playing a board game with dear friends. We’re playing Pandemic which is cooperative, on a virtual site so we get to hangout and enjoy each other’s company. And I really need that right now. I’m glad you got to hear a loving voice.

Shanta Kaneshiro

I have a job interview for a dream position tomorrow; teaching botany to undergraduates in a field based course. Even if don’t get the position I’ve been enjoying thinking about it!!

madaboutforests


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