Great Lakes & Expectations chapter 41

Regina got into her kimono slowly and carefully, checked her hair no less than twenty times to ensure that it wasn’t falling out, and then went to find her knight in matte chestplate.

Kakashi was standing in the hall when she left her room in his nice, new Jounin uniform. His body language was somehow both grumpy and pleased with himself, which put her slightly on edge. His hand was over his left pocket, where she was sure Jiraiya’s new manuscript was stored for safekeeping, like a pervy safety blanket.

‘At least everything fits him properly for once.’ She evaluated him slowly, up and down. ‘He has pretty nice shoulders too, actually. Not as good as Boar’s, but I won’t complain. Boar is irresistibly stacked.’

His toes visibly flexed in his sandals.

“Hands?” She asked, holding out hers.

He lifted one limply- and startled away when she grimaced a little bit.

“Clean under your nails and lotion your hands, Kakashi-san, please.” She directed. “We’re all pretending like you don’t do labor and are a delicate gentleman of fortune. Or at least like someone who works in Hokage Tower as a guard and doesn’t spend a lot of time picking up mud with their bare hands.”

“This is a little like being a spy.” He said, sounding like he was less apprehensive. “Are you sure that this will be enough?”

‘Maybe that would make more sense to him. Really, it’s just a diplomatic gesture meant to say that you’re not here as an aggressor.’

“It’s similar, we just need to give them a polite concession. I’m sure you know how that part goes. I did say every inch of you had to be perfect.”

Regina went to the mirror yet again to ensure that her hair was still perfect- or as perfect as she could do it, anyway. It was so heavy on her head when it was all rolled up and stuck with kanzashi.

She heard a ‘tap’ on the glass, and turned. There was a person on the outside of their window. Whoever it was had their face so close to the glass that there was condensation from their breath. They were also maintaining extremely intense eye contact with the top of Kakashi’s head, which was kind of an odd choice.

As she watched, Kakashi flipped a page in his book. She looked at the person outside the window. She looked back at Kakashi. He scratched his leg.

Okay then. Regina cautiously waved at the interloper to get their attention.  “May I help you?” Regina pried, very carefully. So as to be polite, and not to agitate some clearly unbalanced person with access to her temporary living quarters.

They blinked and went sheet white. When they stepped back, she could see that they were wearing Sand’s uniform for Chuunin.

‘Well. That’s… less concerning than if it was a non-government sanctioned weirdo.’

The chuunin bowed, face obscured by long bangs. “Most honourable Jiraiya Rejina-hime of the land of fire!” They enunciated so clearly and vigorously that the politeness came around to feeling very aggressive.

‘That is my name. I guess.’ She smiled awkwardly and waited for the chuunin to introduce themself.

“Shodai Fukukage of Konohagakure!”

‘That’s still me. And uh, this is a lot of enthusiasm.’

She bowed prettily, even though she was starting to feel nervous. “Yes.”

“The Wind Daimyo and Kazekage humbly request your attendance!” They bowed again furiously. And then they were gone. She blinked. Just, gone. She looked at Kakashi. He waved at her without looking up from his book.

“Thanks for the help,” she muttered. “I feel very safe.” When had her hands started shaking?

“I believe in you,” he said, distracted. “You scared them more than I ever could have.”

She refused to respond to that. Instead, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and winced. Her kimono didn’t look right. It never looked right. She adjusted it again.

‘I think it’s just my perfectionism, but I feel itchy all over and I hate this. I want someone to fix me up perfectly so I know it’s done right.’ She swallowed, and patted her hair again.

“You look nice, don’t worry about it.” Kakashi said just loud enough for her to hear. “It’s fine.”

She was so nervous that she wanted to snap at him, but no. ‘He’s probably right. Plus, if I keep doing this, I’m going to worry myself into a nervous wreck. Then I really won’t give a good impression.’

Regina sat down on her hands, willing herself to stop fidgeting. It didn’t work.

‘At least I probably look like a princess.’ she nervously straightened her kimono layers yet again, grimacing at herself. ‘Maybe I can pull this off. Or at least get out of here relatively unscathed and alive. I’d take alive.’

She resolutely tried not to glare in Kakashi’s direction. It wasn’t his fault that Sand hated him.

Probably.

‘Though I do seem to recall him saying that he was totally unlikeable. I can’t rule out that he also offended them personally. He offends a lot of people.’

At least he looked about as classy as any of the Jounin she worked with in the Hokage Tower, at the moment. That would have to be good enough to hide his identity. With his face and hair covered, the only tells would be his build and the fact that Sand had seen him a few hours ago.

‘And also the chuunin with no name, who saw him not five minutes ago.’

She didn’t make a face, but it took some effort. “Let’s go.” She said out loud, still checking her hair. It wasn’t wobbling, but her anxiety made her worry it was. “We shouldn’t be late.”

Kakashi covered his hair with a wig, and slipped the creepy ANBU mask on. Regina tried not to look at it, preferring to pretend she had some dignity and was examining the solitary wilting flower in a vase by the door.

They walked across the sand and stone courtyard in silence, under the stars. Outside her door, a statue had suddenly appeared. It was a tree- and it was glimmering. As they walked along the path, the sculptures changed from Fire Country fauna and flora into desert creatures.

They were shockingly large, but also delicate. Regina resisted the urge to touch them.

The Wind Daimyo’s image reared out of man-made dunes and waves. It seemed to look down at her.

‘It seems that the Land of Wind takes sand sculpting and gardening very seriously. This is on another level from gravel or sand raking.’

Kakashi seemed to be tense. He was obviously evaluating everything for threats.

“Try to relax.” She said, under her breath. “It looks aggressive otherwise.”

‘Even though he’s right. I feel like you can’t do all that within six hours without some major ninjutsu.’

She swallowed, and plastered a pleasant but vacant smile on her face as she approached the doors of the palace proper. The guards bowed, and she bowed her head lightly in accordance with her station.

The doors opened with the loud sound of stone grating on itself. The earth shuddered a little, beneath her feet.

Regina tried to stay on balance in her high geta- ‘I can’t help but think that this was intentional. They know what princesses have to wear.’

A sudden, light pressure on the back of her arm held her steady.

They passed the gates without any further incident, and met the new welcoming retinue in the gardens.

There was a lot of the bowing that Regina was rapidly growing accustomed to.

‘If I ever leave here, I’m going to be stuck bowing like a weirdo back home.’ She felt her lips start to purse out of reflex, but pulled them back. She smiled again.

They were led in relative silence to a waiting room, and beckoned to sit.

It looked like they were alone, but Regina would bet anything they weren’t. She stayed quiet, and tried to look as elegant and poised as possible.

Kakashi was just out of her range of vision, behind and to her left. With her head bowed, she could barely sense him.

‘I hope they’re not trying to wait us out.’ She surveyed the room with heavy-lidded eyes, trying not to seem so curious as to be suspicious. The room was unyieldingly empty and unstimulating. Walls of sandstone, the barest of decorations. It was finely crafted, certainly. But…

‘Not very friendly. We messed up, bringing Hatake-san.’ She fought the exhausted sigh that threatened to rise from her chest. ‘Sand is our closest ally, and this isn’t going well at all.’

The minutes stretched on into time indeterminable, and her legs began to prickle and go numb in seiza. She fought through the urge to move them.

Kakashi was as still as a statue.

‘I wonder if he’s making any faces under his mask. I would.’

A heavy grinding noise took her slightly by surprise, and she took great care to seem prim, polite, and definitely not outraged about being forced to wait for over an hour in a blank room in an obvious display of power.

The Kazekage was waiting behind the now open door, seeming to glare at them.

‘Or maybe that’s just his face. I can’t imagine him being happy.’ Regina rose from the floor as gracefully as her numb baby deer legs would allow, and bowed.

He bowed, stiff and somehow conveying his unhappiness. “I see you replaced your escort.”

She averted her eyes politely to the floor. “My most heartfelt apologies for the earlier slight. It was an unforgivable error.”

The muscles in the Kazekage’s shoulders relaxed just a bit.

‘I’m sure they know we didn’t actually get a new shinobi.’ She tried to look friendly and blank. ‘Anyone new would have had to register at the border. That means he’s likely just acknowledging our concession of not making Kakashi visible.’

“Please follow me, Honourable Rejina-hime.” His tone was blank and his words slightly terse.

‘He must have attended the same charm school as Danzou-sama.’ She smiled and bowed again.

He didn’t say anything else as he escorted her down innumerable identical hallways that angled down. The atmosphere grew gradually less hot as they descended, and they abandoned all natural light behind.

The ill-lit tunnels began to blur in her mind, even though Regina had never had the optimistic intention of keeping track.

‘What a good design for keeping out enemies. Or visitors.’ She tried not to grimace. ‘Think about pleasant, non-disorienting things. Well-organized binders. The smell of a new book. Genma’s tight ass.’

She did not have the luxury of feeling slightly ashamed about the last one. The fate of Konoha’s economy and international reputation was at stake.

‘I’ll think of a thousand imaginary asses before I let this country die.’

They reached the end of a long hallway tunnel in darkness, and a rumbling issued up from below.

Regina watched in slack jawed amazement as what she’d thought was a wall began to slide down into the floor, and disappeared. Behind the opening was a massive banquet, and a shinobi still making hand signs. After they walked through the entrance, she could hear the rock walls closing up behind her.

‘Good thing that couldn’t be ominous.’