Problem Child Intro (Aiko multi chapter story in mystery setting)

“I'm actually a God in human flesh.” She put both hands on the edge of the counter and peered over to watch how both of her parents had gone perfectly still to stare at her. So civilian of them. “When I'm bigger I'll be able to manipulate the elements, the human mind, and at least one dimension of reality. You should listen to me.” 

Daddy came around the island counter to kneel in front of her. “That may be so, babygirl,” he said, making direct eye contact with his intensely blue eyes. “But it's still your brother's turn, and he picked Paw Patrol.”

Aiko made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat and went back to the couch to sulk. Natty was sitting with splayed legs and leaning forward to stare at the screen, mouth hanging open. Because he had bad taste.

Worst, she heard giggling from the kitchen as soon as the adults thought her feeble 2 year old attention span would have waned. Terrible. She was in a wretched situation. 

She really should have walked right out the door. She only looked like a child. On the inside, she was one of the most formidable Shinobi there had ever been. This family life lark was a waste of her time and talents. She needed to learn more about where she'd been reborn in order to figure out how she was going to get home.

On the other hand, Mommy was making cut up hot dogs and macaroni and cheese tonight, her favorite food. She should probably stay for dinner. 

‘And until I develop dexterity and the ability to control my chakra,’ Aiko thought, in a rare moment of delicately touching an unhappy reality. She wrapped her whole fist around her clunky plastic-handled princess fork and managed to get exactly one prong into a piece of hot dog. She lowered her head like a dog to get it closer as she brought the fork to her mouth. The hot dog fell off anyway and rolled under the table. Aiko watched it go.

Curses.

“This is not a good universe,” she informed her parents. 

Mommy cooed, tucking her long red hair behind an ear as she leaned forward. “Do you want some help, honey?” Daddy was already helping Natty eat. 

Aiko glowered. “....yes, please.” 

She submitted herself to many indignities in that crucial year. For example, her forays into independence were cruelly curtailed by her parents’ extreme emotional reliance on her holding their hands in public. “Why do I have to?” Aiko whined. She tried to squirm away in a parking lot. 

Mommy took her eyes off Natty for a moment to reply– and her blonde twin bolted. “Because I want you to be safe- fuck!” She jerked towards him, then remembered she was holding Aiko. 

Natty screamed. But it was his happy scream, so that was fine. He just felt fast. Aiko pulled on Mommy's hand, hoping maybe this time she'd let go.

“Mitch!” Mommy bellowed. 

Daddy appeared from behind the car and sprinted after Narnar. Ugh. Dramatic 

“He wasn't going to get very far,” Aiko pointed out. “He has short legs and no snacks.”

Honestly, where would he even go? They were in a big blacktop parking lot with tons of cars speeding around. He probably didn't even remember where the store was anymore.

A car drove past at that moment and hit their brakes hard to avoid hitting someone backing out. Mommy watched it go with a tight expression as Daddy hefted Natty up and carried him back to the cart they were loading into the car. “I don't think he'd get very far either,” she said unhappily.

…huh? She didn't like that idea? Aiko stared uncomprehendingly up at Mommy. Did Mommy want to get rid of him?

‘I could get rid of him and prove myself to them for more respect in this family.’

Aiko weighed that in the back of her mind. She would feel kind of bad about it. Natty was alright. On the other hand, she was results oriented.

She got distracted by Daddy arriving.

“Sweetheart, honey, my love.” Daddy came back oozing platitudes. Aiko stuck her tongue out and gagged. Mommy's hand tightened ever so slightly in warning. “Weren't we trying not to use those words?” 

“...Words like fuck?” Aiko asked.

Daddy got that funny pinched expression. He made an ugly laugh and hauled Natty up to his chest. “What are the other kids at preschool gonna think of that vocabulary, huh?” 

Mommy snorted. “They'll think that she's cool, obviously. Hurry up!” 





Chapter 1 is up in the discord now, for anyone who wants to find confirmation of where she's been reborn! Given that Aiko was originally an insert with knowledge of canon, it seemed very funny in a mean way to do the same thing to her with no awareness of how she's actually much closer to her original universe.

This is set to be very short so that I don't wind up on it forever, but it was indulgent and funny to me, so I hope you'll like it. I want guesses for where she is in the comments so badly, if you have someplace where you'd think would be funny please feel free to share.