A Christmas Message

Hello there, and Merry Christmas! I wanted to write you all a short message. Well, actually I wanted to make you all a video Christmas card we me dressed as an elf and dancing around, but sadly in the end I just didn’t have time. That’s been a theme this year, and not one I’m proud of - I didn’t know what to expect when making the leap into self-employment, but I think it’s safe to say it’s been a bumpy ride. Out of fear I initially took on too much work, but even following on from that I’ve let my desire to be involved with cool projects and STUFF get in the way of my ability to consistently produce work. The last part of this year has been an exercise in slowing down, and learning to say no to things even if they sound like fun - simply because there aren’t enough hours in the day. At the point of the year at which I felt worst about the quantity of work I was producing for my Patreon, things became unimaginably difficult in my personal life. Alongside the seemingly infinite horrors that bubbled up within the gaming community at around the same time, it’s safe to say that the latter half of this year felt a bit hopeless. You guys made a big difference. The support I’ve received over the past few months has - as sickly saccharine as it may sound - been genuinely inspirational. There were large parts of my brain telling me I’d made a mistake, that my career was a hopeless waste of time. People seemed to care about frame-rates and graphics sliders more than they cared about people - the core of what it means to ‘play’ irreversibly mired in a cold pedantic sludge. The reactions and messages and tiny gestures have made a world of difference over the past few months. I originally planned to send this as a private message to those who support me on Patreon, but that isn’t fair - the financial support I receive is invaluable, but so are the kind words and the positive thoughts. I’d like to thank those who’ve funded my work in 2014, but the events that have transpired make doing JUST that feel hollow and crass. I’d like to thank all of you. Thanks for sticking with me and my work, even when things became thin and inconsistent. Thanks for hanging around even when the frustrations and anger I was trying to deal with ended up spilling out horribly online - snapping at strangers on comment threads, and ranting in ways I’m not proud of on Twitter. I’m aware I can be a difficult character at times, and working alone can often exacerbate that. Thanks to those of you who’ve simply taken the time to remember that I’m a human - and that humans are frequently visibly shit. At the same time, thanks to those of you who had the sense to tell the difference between unhinged rambling and genuine stone-cold-serious stuff. I believe that it’s important to focus on positivity and fun, but not if the cost of that focus means ignoring those who make the fun less accessible for some. Fun is something that I take extremely seriously, and it’s something that I’ll continue to fight for. In 2015 I want things to be different. Better, obviously. We’ll have to see how I get on. For now, I hope you have a lovely Christmas. You are TOTES RAD. Matt