Herald of the Stars: Chapter Three Hundred and Nine

“Aldrich, we never saw most of what you talked about,” says Bedwyr. “Neither could I understand much of what you spoke about from the context. I imagine that everyone else is in the same boarding torpedo. We understood that you are proud of us, and trust us with secret information, but what that is, and what is supposed to be secret and what is not, I have no clue.”

I cover my face with my hand and gently run my hand down my face, then mumble “Machine-God save me from my erroneous assumptions. Please continue.”

Bewyr says, “Our eyes were protected by Enlightened Self-Interest and our souls by the Machine-God. We were granted a brief glimpse of our gods on white-gold background, then the Machine-God’s shield went up and we saw and felt nothing until they had all left.”

“Of course, the order to see everything as a wire frame model to minimise corruption,” I say. “E-SIM must have adapted my orders from that. Well, seeing nothing was for the best. I can give a full explanation to the three of you if you really want. This knowledge is a burden, but neither can it afford to be lost. I’ll let you decide.”

“I want to know what happened,” says Alpia. “I saw the whole battle and still understood nothing.”

I nod, “As my current heir you have the right and need to know.”

“This does not sound like a threat that I can protect you from, Aldrich,” says Bedwyr. “Will further explanations help me do my job better?”

“No,” I say.

“Then I do not need the distraction.”

“Good choice,” whispers Alpia.

“Balor,” I say.

“Will your knowledge benefit my chapter?”

“That is difficult to calculate,” I say. “This is lore you are unable to do anything about; becoming custodians of it may help Force Commander Odhran and Chapter Master Lir to understand the wider issues of the galaxy with more nuance, however. The same applies to Ephrine.”

“I will remain,” says Balor.

Ehrine says, “As will I.”

“I have a final question before I am dismissed,” says Bedwyr, “What happened to the enemy fleet?”

I say, “It was obliterated, as was every Daemon and traitor. Only the Chaos Gods escaped and not unscathed.”

“Good,” says Bedwyr. “I’ll ensure a fresh squad is waiting for you Aldrich at the exit of your private hangar.”

“Very well, Bedwyr. Enjoy your holiday.”

Bedwyr salutes, “Magos.” With a crisp turn, Bedwyr exits my quarters.

Ephrine stares at Bedwyr as he departs. The door snaps shut after him and she says, “We took part in a great battle within the Immaterium, saw our gods manifest, then we were subject to a strike force wide miracle that has left me feeling as if I am in the best health of my life and he just... walks it off.”

I hum, “That is why Bedwyr is the commander for my Close Protection Companies. He’s not even faking it. He really is that unflappable. I have no idea how he does it.”

“There are a few Astartes in the Barghest Chapter like that,” says Balor, “though usually it is a side effect of hypno-conditioning.”

I laugh, “Just so. Stop moping on the carpet Alpia. Take a proper seat by the fire, all of you. I’m not doing story time with a bunch of loiterers. Brian is somewhere on board, so if you send an order to the kitchenette the dumb skull will bring it to you.”

Everyone sits in an arm chair or on the sofa, though Alpia is the only one who lounges with her tea and shortbread. Balor and Ephrine remain perfectly poised on the edge of the sofa.

Once everyone is settled, I tell them the history of the STC we fought upon and explain what its destruction and absorption actually mean. Then I tell them what happened in the fight between the Gods and its significance for the galaxy at large, ending with a disclaimer that I am just one source of information and that they should not take everything I say as gospel.

After I am done, we all sit in silence, cradling our warm mugs, contemplating all that we have seen and done in the last nine hours. The silence stretches for twenty minutes. 

I finish my third cup of tea and put the mug on the floor with a light clunk. Everyone’s eyes flick up from staring pensively at their knees.

“I have dreamed of the Emperor ever since I was a little girl,” says Ephrine, her voice a near whisper. “I have felt his steady presence in my worst moments and his guidance in the most desperate of battles. I have prayed to him multiple times a day for decades. 

“Faith is a strange thing. Not all who worship the Emperor can connect to him. Their faith is blind yet they take comfort in the community worship brings. It does not matter if he listens or not because it is their belief that gives them courage to act when all else fails. 

“Others express faith through murderous cults or flagellation, performing deeds in the Emperor’s name. Some are in it for themselves. Others just want an excuse for their extremism. A rare few are actually right, purging corruption than no others can detect.

“Seeing one’s deity in person changes the relationship between worshiper and deity. No longer are they an intangible force, but an immovable object in one’s psyche. The Emperor’s strength and wit is unmatched, His divinity clear for all to see, yet somehow, seeing Him in person makes Him more Human. Is this a flaw in my thinking? A crack in my faith for corruption to slip within? 

“The only thing I am sure of is that it was the Machine-God who protected us while The Emperor and His incarnation fought. Who am I supposed to pray to now? Is my service wanted or even required? In what direction should I guide my sisters with these truths and questions gnawing at my heart?”

Balor says, “Most Astartes chapters teach that the Emperor is no god. Instead they see him as a father, one whose word is law. Service is a matter of honour, pride, and necessity. The Tech-Priests of Mars who oversaw my consecration as a Tech-Marine see The Emperor as a prophet of the Machine-God, the Omnissiah, a conduit of the divine yet not a god Himself. 

“Were I to continue that thought, I would have to declare us all heretics to each other! A fractious people who all pay their respects to the same man in a different way. Technically, those who worship different gods to one’s own, such as the Ruinous Powers, are heathens, not heretics.”

Alpia looks up, Balor’s odd words finally catching her attention. Ephrine listens with her eyes half closed, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. 

Balor continues, “Thanks to ten thousand years and the Horus Heresy, the meaning of the word has changed. Now heretic means traitor, all because Lorgar, one of His traitorous sons, dared to write the Lectitio Divinitatus, uplifting The Emperor to a deity against His commands. 

“The Imperial Truth was replaced with the Imperial Cult, becoming the backbone of Humanity and the shield against Chaos without which we would be subject to eternal terrors. A real faith, with real consequences in the Materium and Immaterium alike. 

“You already answered your own question, Canoness Stern. Faith exists because of your own strength, not who you chose to worship or how. There is no need for doubt. Pay your respects to those who deserve it in a manner you deem fit and be done with it. Questioning yourself at this point is an insult to yourself and your Order and it is beneath you.”

Ehprine says, “You have a funny way of comforting others, Tech-Marine Balor. Mechanicus, Sororitas, and Astartes have shot at each other for less blasphemous reasons than the interpretations of faith you dare exclaim! Low and High Gothic etymology will not save you from blessed bolts and sacred flame! Still, is any of that even true? Do the Barghest’s records even go back that far?”

“The Barghests have corroborating fragments,” says Balor, “though most of what I said is based on the records of the Stellar Fleet. Chaplain Riordan and his assistants have been most thorough in corroborating and preaching different accounts, using them as examples to get the Neophytes to think beyond their implanted skills. I think the actual truth matters little to him. It is the process that he appreciates.

“Still, Astartes refusing to worship the Emperor is nothing new, Canoness Stern. Surely the Order of the Valorous Heart is not so mired in dogma that they are unaware of the most widespread interpretations of the Imperial Cult and its opposition?”

Ephrine says, “May I remind you, Tech-Marine Balor, that the Order of the Valorous Heart embarked on its expedition to SR-651 for precisely that reason? We are always through with our verification!”

“Oh for goodness sake,” says Alpia. “Can’t you two stick to the matter at hand? Where has all this sudden energy come from? Canoness Ephrine, you’re clearly not that upset if you have time to argue.”

I say, my tone wry, “I dare say a good religious debate is exactly what Ephrine needed to affirm her faith.”

Ephrine clears her throat, “Perhaps you are right, Magos. I was worrying for nothing. Ours is not the place to question why, but to die for The Emperor.”

I say, “Ours is not to reason why, huh. There’s an old Terran war poem from late M2 where that phrase comes from:

“Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die.

“I remember studying that poem in school. It's about soldiers riding to death because of a military blunder. I didn’t expect a variant of the common phrase it birthed to last so long or get altered in such a manner.”

Balor looks me in the eye, “Are you trying to show me up, Aldrich?”

“What? No! Of course not. Just lighten the mood a little with an anecdote. Everyone is getting far too heated.”

Alpia says, “Dad, are you trying to stop a Sorroritas and an Astartes reaching for their bolt pistols over a matter of faith by reciting a poem about death?”

“When you put it like that it does sound a tad silly,” I say.

Balor smirks a little.

I say, “Well, you’ve clearly cheered up if you’re cracking jokes now, Balor. Were you not annoyed at me earlier?”

“Ah, psykers. Can’t even let a man brood in peace. I will survive, Aldrich. I was torn between being annoyed at you speaking secrets to those with no need to know them and pleased at the trust you showed my brothers and I. Knowing why one is fighting can be as much a distraction as it can be the drive to complete a mission. 

“Chapter Master Lir prefers to keep everyone in the dark. It is hard to question orders when one does not have the full picture. Force Commander Odhran is the opposite; your influence, I believe. Knowing more allows for a more flexible approach when completing objectives. 

“Some Barghests see more knowledge as a sign of respect and thus, a reason to excel. Others see anything not directly related to the mission as a waste of time and resources, a greater chance of mission failure, and trusting young Astartes to make calls they are not ready for. 

“Knowing the galaxy we are in and with the information you’ve told us, I am beginning to appreciate Chapter Master Lir’s approach more, yet as a senior officer and Tech-Marine I am denied the luxury of ignorance. Perhaps, in truth, I am annoyed at myself! I regret taking on your offer to burden myself with your knowledge, while my training as a Tech-Marine demands seeking it out! The contradiction is infuriating. 

“To know I was in the presence of the Arch-Enemy and was unable to do anything about it is a frustration almost too great to bear. I am conflicted. Astartes travel, train, fight, and meditate, maintaining our psyche by force of will, not introspection. Such thoughts remind me of a time before I became an Astartes, or perhaps my early days as a Neophyte, when the world was confusing and full of pain. It is not a comfortable reminder.”