The Fourth Wall - Chapter 13 preview

The thing about fire, the thing was, that it could so easily hurt as it could save. Flame in the middle of the coldest winter was survival, life. Flame in the middle of summer, when the world was a tinder box could mean devastation and death for thousands. Perhaps that was the greatest difference - the personal and the multitude. Fire, used for the personal, was mostly beneficial. Barbecued meat,, blacksmithing, warm baths. When spread further, wider - that was when it fell down. Thousands of coal fires, choking the air. Uncontrolled burning, spreading from house to house, till fields and residences were no more.

Wu Ying could not help but think of all this, as his friend sat beside him, as he roasted in the other's presence. Tou He was battling his new found strength, trying to regain hardwon control. His flame burnt higher and hotter than ever, and it was but a question of moderation once more.

He could do it. Wu Ying knew without a doubt that he could. It was just a matter of time.

Till then, he would sweat a little and try to still the wind around the two, or at least carry it from him to his friend rather than the other way around. 

"Control is hard, is it not?" Abbot Ann on the other hand had less concern about tackling the matter.

"It just requires... concentration, Abbot." To He replied.

"Of course," the Abbott considered, then pointed downwards and to the left. "The baths are rather cold these days. These old bones would not mind a soak in hot springs. If you found that you required a place to practise, that is."

Wu Ying kept his jaw from dropping, just about. The twinkle in the older man's eyes indicated he was teasing. But the seriousness in his tone belied that comment. Then again, perhaps he was both teasing and making use of his friend. 

"In the meantime, I understand you have some skill brewing tea."

Without needing to be asked further, Tou He shifted in his seat so that he could begin the process of brewing the tea from the simple tea set laid out for him. It also had the benefit of pulling his friend further from Wu Ying, a small luxury that he did not exhale in relief over. Or at least, not too visibly.

"Now, you." the Abbot turned those kind eyes on him, locking Wu Ying in place as he regarded him. Their eyes met, and Wu Ying found himself falling into the man's eyes. 

He felt naked, stripped of his pretensions, of his ego, his broken cultivation no defense for those eyes. Humor, levity, kindness. All lies. It would have been more merciful to have staked him out, naked, in the dessert for the carrion to finish off than find himself regarded by those eyes. Truth, unvarnished truth, without the minor and major lies one tells themselves to survive the day revealed and discarded. 

Wu Ying saw himself in the other man's eyes and found himself... wanting.

An unfilial son who sought his own aggrandisement over caring for his parents.

A better than average swordsman, who turned to the weapon to solve his problems all too often.

A reluctant teacher and administrator, unwilling to dedicate the full extent of his time and resources to his students, always holding a little back.

An absent friend, a rebellious citizen, a useless sect member...

Under those eyes, he felt the illusions he kept within himself swept away and quailed a little. The truth about existence, at least as seen by these eyes, by this man shown through. His actions, his choices would always be left wanting, each decision coming with consequences and failures that outstripped his ability to fix. There could never be a perfect solution, in this dirty world. Existence itself was suffering, and the more one cared about those who existed within the world, the greater the failure and degree of suffering one would experience.

For a moment that lengthened just short of eternity, Wu Ying hovered on the brink of a different form of enlightenment. A path that he had never taken opened up before him, a way that he could shed the pain of his current existence, to perhaps shed all future pain. After all, even if he managed to find a cure for his current issues, a way to progress and become an immortal; it would not be the end of this existence. It was not the end of suffering, of pain and tragedy and loss. It would just put him on the path to a much longer road, one filled with thorns and potholes galore.

Or he could take this other path. Forsake his cultivation and quest for immortality. Seek enlightenment by walking the five fold path. 

A part of him rebelled at the idea, the portion that spoke of his hard won expertise, of hours training, of study and boredom and sacrifice that had brough him so far. To throw it all away, all those accumulated debts and decisions for a new path? It felt like failure, of giving up.

Yet, those eyes, that man before him had a rejoiner that did not need to be spoken. 

All those decisions, all those sacrifices were in the past. Wu Ying was making a decision on his future, and did not those decisions bring him here? Now, to this point? To make a proper choice. 

For an eternal moment, he hung in balance. Teetering on a rotten walkway, a choice to take a new road or follow the old one. 

Once again, Wu Ying was forced to confront himself. In seeing the sights of all that he had chosen, all that he had done, all that he had failed; he found himself instead concentrating on other aspects. Remembering different things.

His parents, urging him on the path to cultivation rather than staying behind. Their desire, as all good parents, to see him improve and better himself than stagnate.

Coming to rescue them, seeing to the movement of the village and their establishment at the base of the sect. And yes, they had been injured, hurt... but now, in this drought, they still ate. They did not starve, they did not want for much; unlike so many others.

A swordsman, yes. Pride, so much so. But more than that, he remembered teaching the sword, giving those who could not help themselves a guardian, a hero. He recalled passing on knowledge to clans and sects, to his own village and father and even the sect; for those who might take on the role of guardian where he could not be.

A reluctant teacher perhaps, but he did his best. He might have withheld certain things like his World Spirit Ring; but he'd also given freely when it made sense. He'd taught and shaped his lessons to improve those beneath him, such that some had begun to exceed even his knowledge in their areas of expertise. He had built a department, when there had been nothing there before.

An absent friend no doubt, but still a friend. One who gave aid freely when he could, who supported those he cared for; sacrificed time and energy and his own health for their sake. He did his best, to protect them - sometimes in ways that many might never see. Battling a demonic infestation in the south, taking on a half-Immortal king that might one day threaten them all.

A rebellious citizen of the world; for when what was legal and what was right clashed; he chose to do what was right. Or right enough, as he thought it. And perhaps, what separated him from so many other tyrants, so many bandits was that he accepted the consequences of that defiance.

That thought, a stuttering stop. He hung in silent contemplation, going over those words, that concept again. His injuries, the damage received, the punishment from the heavens; all seen in a new light. Not significantly different, but just a minor change - but like staring at a jewel that was refracting the sun, a minor shift was enough.

He was no rebel, no individual intent on overthrowing the government. He believed in the organisations, the necessity for rules at times and the requirement of order. The monks were right - this world was one of suffering and pain. Order and rules were necessary at times to reduce that suffering. Wielded properly, organisations relieved great burdens, built canals and roads, put up houses and fed the needy.

But he also understood that at times, such rules and groups; they crushed the ones beneath. Sometimes through carelesness, sometimes through ineptitude, other times through greed and jealousy or just cruelty. In those times, it was not enough to object, to discuss how one could do better. It was insufficient...

And so he had stepped forward. And done what had been necessary. And that was fine, that was right; and he had paid the price for it. 

That too was right.

With that thought, he noticed it then. A glimmering light, another path, another way forward. Integrating the damage, the pain, accepting it as penance. A way forward, even as broken as he was. One filled with grief and suffering and pain, where he not just took action when he stumbled upon such events; but sought it out. Sought to be that hero, that wandering sword of justice. He saw that path...

And like the monk's path, he rejected it.

He would not attempt to escape this world of pain and suffering that the monk's espoused.

Nor would he revel in it.

A drought left fields dry, made yields bare and brought hunger and exhaustion and worry. It also allowed fields to rest, a year, two years. It forced older plants, that were aging, to die off. Gave the young a chance to expand, for hardier crops to be found. The world was not just suffering, nor was it unmitigated joy.

It was just existence, neither good nor bad. The wind blew, no matter whether you chose to stand in it or not. The rain fell, whether you sheltered at home or walked home. You could accept the cool breeze, be grateful for the moment's relief from heat; accept the falling rain on your flesh and smile. Or you could hate it.

The wind still blew, the rain still fell. the sun would still rise.

So. Neither of those paths, neither of those options. Then, what then?

What other option was there?

Wu Ying could not see it, could not find it. Not in this man's eyes. He floundered, and as though he'd realised it, the old man released him. The cultivator fell back into himself, reeling as he squatted on the ground, breathing heavy. What had been an eternity was not in reality, though Wu Ying took a long time finding himself.

"Drink before it gets cold." Tou He hesitated. "Colder."

"How long... how... what happened?"

"You looked into each other's eyes. Then you went silent. And then the Abbot and I had a lovely conversation about Buddhist philosophy. Then you came around." He smiled a little. "The more interesting question I think is what happened to you?"

"I... I was given a choice, I think." He shook his head again, trying to clear his mind before he focused upon the Abbot. "How did you do that? I've never even heard of that being possible."

"A simple thing," the Abbot said. "For us, at least. We are, after all, just providing guidance to others. Learning how to do that, and to do that more efficiently, is part of our training."

"If we could get you all to help normal cultivators..." 

"Impossible. You experienced it yourself, did you not?" 

"I did..." Wu Ying fell silent, trying to understand the man's point. Why would it be impossible? It took him longer than it should, but he was still reeling from the experience. When he did, he still felt compelled to speak it loud, to confirm his supposition. "It's because you can only really offer those two choices, can't you? Your goal, your ability, it's all to help others walk the same path as you."

"Of course. Most reject it for they are not ready to embrace the great teaching." the Abbot shrugged. "I offered you that choice, like I do all who petition me for help."

"And are there no other choices, no other options?" Wu Ying said. "The Pool...?"

"It is not what you think of. It is not a cultivation tool, like those you would use. It refines the vision and dao of those on a path already, helping them see better." He smiled a little as he continued. "I fear, in your case, it would be of little use."

"Because I don't have a path at all."

"Or you still wander, searching for it. The pool could only refine that knowledge a little. Insufficient to make it worthwhile for you to use."

Wu Ying sighed and nodded. Then, struck with a thought, he added. "Could Fa Yuan?"

"Your other companion?"

"Yes."

Tou He looked over at the two, sipping on his tea. He stayed silent, though when the Abbot looked at him, he offered a small nod.

"We shall see. There are many who desire the use of the pond. It takes a month to clear after each use and we have petitioners galore," the Abbot said. "But we will take it under advisement."

"Thank you, Abbot Ann. For everything."

In reply, the Abbot only smiled and lifted the cup. He sipped on it, and Wu Ying finally picked up his tea cup. They had more to discuss, some of the impressions he had felt, the path he had forsaken. Both of them. 

That third option, that third way, he could not see it. Not right now, not the path that he would have to take forwards. He was not healed, he had not even found a solution or hope forward.

But for the first time since he awoke after his injury, he realised, he was looking forward to finding out.