So long, 2020
Added 2020-12-31 09:18:37 +0000 UTCShort version:
Thank you all for enjoying Pervader. It's been great tool for me to express myself and I appreciate everyone listening. My shortcomings with releasing quality updates has been taking a toll on me, so I'm trying to refresh myself by working on other things in parallel. Expect 0.5 in early January, and also expect me to do more art commissions and sketch streams at least for a while, with Patreon benefits.
Long version:
Ever since I was little I've always found comfort in creative pursuits, and it's been my primary source of joy. Lots of sketching, lots of ideas, imagining worlds and games, random musings of a weird kid scribbled into notebooks. When I was very young my parents thought I would grow up to be a musician, because I was very keen to play with musical toys. As it turns out I'm pretty tone deaf (sometimes figuratively as well), but that's okay because music was never really my passion.
It wasn't until midway through college that I started focusing on drawing, and I'm fairly proud of how far I've come through self-study. It is still very difficult, very slow, and often mentally exhausting, but I'm making progress. I'm very jealous of a lot of artists who've made much better progress than me, but I'm still confident in the future of my art skills.
I've never been particularly interested in writing, which may or may not surprise you. I'm not an avid reader either. My Kindle often runs out of battery sitting idly in my desk drawer.
That said, I have a very strong urge to create things, to design and tinker with designs, and that's the engine through which I've built this visual novel. Thank you all for giving me an audience for my joy.
Although Pervader is an entirely fictional and very fantastical story, over the past few weeks I've come to realize that it's also very personal. There's a little bit of me in every character and every situation throughout the game's events. I have a lot of insecurities, and a great deal of difficulty expressing myself emotionally, and a strong fear of rejection and fear of disappointing others, which makes it difficult to connect with other people. I tend to alienate others over time, or alienate myself from them. Pervader has allowed me to express myself in an abstract way, which has been very soothing. I love to see what other people think about the story, its world and its characters. I wish I saw more discussion, but I think that just means I need to work harder to make people want to talk about it more.
I said right at the beginning that there would be many stumbles, and there have been. Mainly I'm very bad about releasing updates, and the quality of the updates has been iffy. Lots of people have complained that there are not enough choices in the game, so I've been trying to add more interactivity and player agency.
Alen and Jymsar still don't have their full sprites. Their sigils have never even been shown yet. There are many CGs I wanted to do along the way, but I've put them off in favor of pushing the story forwards.
I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety about all of my shortcomings, which has crippled my workflow. I wish I was better at managing my mental state, because we'd probably be four versions ahead, and you guys deserve more content. Alas.
As we're closing the year, we're up to v0.4. I couldn't get 0.5 ready in time... yet again. It should be out in early January.
Each version release is very mentally exhausting for me and usually knocks me out for a while. v0.4 took me three months to do, and I did very little writing and drawing for the first two months. If I said I was busy and didn't have time to work on Pervader, that was a lie. I just couldn't manage to focus on the project, and I feel very guilty about it.
It seems I've repeated this pattern for 0.5, having done most of the work on it this past month.
I don't think these self-imposed deadlines have been good for me, which is why I'm going to try changing things up a bit next year, after 0.5. I'll be spending more time painting and drawing things that are not for Pervader. To this end I'll be opening up for commissions. I don't get many of them anyway, but I welcome the distraction, and the challenge to draw something that is not 100% of my own impetus.
I'm also planning on converting the Pervader Patreon from a project page to a personal art page, so I'll start doing sketch streams, taking suggestions, doing polls, tiered benefits and all that jazz. I haven't figured out all the details yet. I'll still be working on Pervader updates of course, so don't worry.
My main goal throughout all of this is to repurpose my downtime, do some cool stuff you guys might enjoy, and clear up my fogginess about working on Pervader updates.
Finally, I just want to make it clear that I'm still very excited about future Pervader updates and I can't wait till we get to some of the later events in the story. I just wish I was in a better place to take us there sooner.
I hope all of this makes sense to you as well.
Thanks, and have a wonderful New Year.
I love you.
Comments
You are doing it right. You have a goal that motivates you. That's the first essential part of the combination that helps in mental state managing. Another essential part is anything that makes you feel good. The more often you feel really good the easier it is to use that good feelings to power your efforts toward the goal. Don't feel guilty about spending time and effort on such things. Think of it as of acquiring necessary resources for pursuing the main goal. I really love the story and the characters and look forward for continuation, but I understand that creative work can't be hurried or done properly under pressure. Take your time and take care of yourself. BTW I personally don't mind that Pervader is mostly a book with pictures with little player agency. I love books :) The only my complaint is that I have to read this book one sentence a time in a small box at the lower part of the screen, while most of the screen is filled with a static image. It is good for conversation scenes, but there are parts of the story that would really benefit from showing the illustration once, then somehow switching to showing more text at once, versus feeding it to the player a sentence per click. I'm not sure if the game engine allows it though.
antero
2020-12-31 20:58:34 +0000 UTCLove you too🥺 (big hug) Glad you are sorting it out!
Crow
2020-12-31 15:25:23 +0000 UTC[ hug vibing extreme ]
Tore91
2020-12-31 13:37:44 +0000 UTCLet me start off by saying I've looked forward to and enjoyed every update you've released for this. The story and characters drew me in, and they have kept me eager to see more; so whether you want to push forward with the story or add supporting CGs to what's there, it will all be welcome. Don't think that every update has to have X number of words in it to be worthwhile. I certainly don't see a lack of quality or personal progress in your work, nor do I believe there's any specific need for more reader choices to be available at this point. They are at some key points which make you pause and think about what's going on, and that feels right to me. It's easy to become your own most vocal critic when it comes to creating something so personal. Know that I appreciate every word you've written and every ounce of effort you place into making your world what it is. Your art style has a very natural feel to it and I would be very happy to commission you, so stay confident in your skills. I look forward to reading more of Pervader and seeing more of your art. Hope you have a Happy New Year and remember we're here to support you.
Ardex
2020-12-31 12:54:58 +0000 UTC
