weed store kratom (early version)

this song started out as something i wrote really quickly just to vent after i felt like i'd been overly weird and awkward in a social interaction when i was trying to make friends here in montreal, which is something ive really been getting debilitatingly in my head about since moving (it ended up being completely fine, as it usually is). i dont really wanna transcribe this version of the verse lyrics because its kinda just cringey vent shit.

i didnt plan to put this song on the album at all but my friends ginger and louise both really liked it so i ended up reworking it - turning the lyrics away from inward-directed anger and more toward anger at the way i'd been treated which i knew was wrong, which led to the climax of the song which is kind of me promising to protect myself going forward since i've felt like i haven't really had much of that externally. i was gonna post an even earlier version which ends abruptly after the 2nd hook but i thought id upload this one with the scratch vocal/topline sketch for that end part left in, following what i was talking about in the last post about the different ways i write vocal melodies - this is an example of improvising a melody out loud and then fitting lyrics to it later. the melody in that part of the song is really weird for me, its kind of amorphous and freeflowing and doesn't really repeat, but i liked the way that made it feel less like a structured pop melody and more like a direct confession to someone, the way ur voice in that situation is kind of trying to find a direction and a point as opposed to the relative confidence and structure of reading out words you've rehearsed.

this song is one of my favorites on the album and in general bc it not only feels pretty complex and multi-layered to me with the different things the lyrics are about and how they relate to each other, but also because of the arc of its development - starting out as a frustrated vent song and ending up as something that has a lot of compassion for myself.

the parts of the album that are about looking out for myself came pretty late in the process, but now i can't imagine the album without them. i always struggle to write music that doesn't feel too weighted toward self-loathing and inwardly directed anger, but i feel like i broke the pattern on this album and managed to write something pretty nuanced and multifaceted, even if it sounds blunt and one-dimensional on the surface.