Opening up slightly

So, as I mentioned on Sunday, I was not well and had to take the day off. The reason for it, is something I have not been upfront with, and that is because since I was 14-15, I have been struggling with very vicious anxiety attacks. They come and go, and sometimes it can be many months, and even a year between them. To me, they always feel like as if I am being haunted. Like something is in my room staring at me. A very intense shiver in my spine. They can come at any time, and can last for either half an hour, or like this Sunday, several hours. Point being, I cannot work when they happen, as I cannot use my brain to do the tasks necessary to be creative/code/etc.

There are many things that causes these things to manifest, this time it was because I am moving out of Europe soon. And will probably go away from Europe three months at a time, untill I find somewhere outside of it to permanently move out of. Since I am an artist, Freedom of Speech is to me the most important right. And since Europe are doing the 1984 challenge (Maybe not all countries, but the Scandinavian ones are), its time to go. But the process is very stressfull. 

Now, why am I bringing this up? Well, I (Famously) believe telling a lie is a sin. And allthough I really thought for a while it was just burnout haunting me, it was not. It was/is anxiety. 

This is why I have to take a couple days in the month off now and again, because I really really really don't want to be that content creator that goes "i am taking a few months off to work on my mental health". Although there is nothing wrong with that, I just don't want to be that person. And since I was raised in the "Idle hands are the Devil's worship" mentally, me taking a day off willingly, is as strange an idea to me as if someone asked me: "Hey, ever thought of not having story elements in your games and just focus on the UwU?"

With all that said, I am doing the coding and infocards today for the big murial I mentioned. As well as other things related to the character screens and what not. I want to do this right now, because last update I forgot to update them. Vanilla Twilight (!) isn't even in them.

Thats all for now, take care. 

//Virginia