Little Deaths - chapter 6 -

Well... so things haven't gone quite to plan. This beginning part ran a lot longer than I expected and instead of a long last chapter I decided to break it up. So this is looking like a 7 chapter fic now. Working on the last chapter now, I promise folks! 

TW : rough sex, dirty talk, mild sub/dom elements, accidental voyeurism/public sex, talk of death

In the end, the line of succession didn't happen for the Glimmer of Hope. She wasn't passed down to the next poor Rebel to take the helm with a dead Captain in her berth. Instead, she delivered Alexsandr Kallus and his crew one last time to real space around Home One before her imminent system failure forced them all to the escape pods. Almost before they were safely away, her fuel cells exploded, leaving Kallus floating in space, broadcasting his fulcrum symbol, once again waiting for salvation.

Kallus wondered what the Rebellion did with a ship's scrap, whether any of it was salvageable, or was it all left to float adrift in space forever.

He watched and processed that the Glimmer was truly gone aboard Home One, looking out one of the bay windows at the debris cleanup already underway. The entire crew, five in all including D4, and the three spynet operatives they were able to extract, all gathered to watch behind Kallus before being shuffled off for either medical attention or a mission briefing.

Kallus himself had bypassed his own briefings and meetings because the reflection of Garazeb Orrelios had appeared in the transparisteel behind him and suddenly he had more pressing matters to attend to.

He promptly attended Zeb into the nearest storage closet and pressed him against the closed door to shove his tongue down his throat. Thoroughly.

It had been a long six months within the Bothan Spynet operation. Kallus had rarely made it back physically to the Rebellion base or Home One but a handful of times. And usually it was to hand off information on data discs, too risky or too big to send via transmission. He would take his orders, rotate crew if needed and restock and refuel before heading back out into the field.

He had barely seen Zeb in that time too, and the few stolen moments they were able to be together, it had always been a rushed affair, usually barely making it to Kallus' cabin aboard the Glimmer if they thought they had the time to fuck. Mostly, they hadn't even gotten that much and sometimes they had only been able to share a meal and a kiss, and sometimes only a wistful glance across a hanger.

The Bothan mission had come to a head a week prior and at the last moment of extraction from the Bothawui sector, an Imperial destroyer had spotted them and opened fire. It had been close, maybe too close, but they had escaped, scathed but alive. The Glimmer of Hope had completed her part of the mission until the very end and had earned her namesake. The crew and spies had been delivered when so many dead had been left behind; all in the name of hope.

Zeb switched their positions and gently slammed his back against the door, continuing to expertly remind Kallus that he could still feel; that he was still alive.

Clawed hands found their way under his clothes and grabbed at his skin and raked at his flesh. Kallus was pushed back hard against the door at the same time as being pulled roughly against Zeb's body, a frenzy of desperation that left Kallus' feet scuffling in the limited space of the closet.

"Karabast, thought I'd lost ya" Zeb growled into his ear. "Saw the explosion, heard it was the Glimmer, and I-" Zeb let out another distressed noise before holding his head and kissing him deeply again. "Thought I'd lost ya this time."

"It was close, I know -Zeb, I know," Kallus' words were gentle but he clung and held Zeb fiercely.

Zeb captured his lips once more before dropping to his knees and making gasping grunts of impatience as he wrestled Kallus' belt and garments down enough to free his privates. Zeb grabbed his length and pumped it a few times to get it fully hard, kissing and licking at his hip bone and belly the entire time, muttering his wants.

"Want you -wanna taste you, wanna feel you as you come." Zeb sunk his teeth in hard at the top if his groin right where his dick was standing up from the patch of coarse, golden hair at his sex.

Kallus shuffled, trying to keep his balance as Zeb promptly took him into his mouth and hugged his arms around his legs and hips, a hand groping and squeezing at his ass. Zeb sucked and pressed his tongue around his dick with a force so strong Kallus nearly tipped over. He forced his back to rest against the door and held onto Zeb's head as his legs threatened to give way.

Then Zeb purred, a low and strong vibration, and Kallus saw stars. His knees trembled precariously but he managed to stay upright.

Somehow Zeb had wrangled a boot off and freed one of his legs, because the next thing Kallus knew, Zeb had his knee over his shoulder and a hand probing at the puckered hole of his asshole. Zeb's finger pressed through as he continued to suck him off, loud and forceful, making growling hums of sound as he moved.

Zeb's big finger pushed in and out, pressing deep once he was stretched enough, knuckle smacking his rim as he went in as far as he could go, hooking his claw just so to scratch at his prostate. Then Zeb slid in another finger and doubled his efforts.

"Fuck, Zeb, oh kriff, please!" Kallus whimpered, his voice straining to stay quiet with a bustling Rebellion just outside in the hallways. He wasn't sure what he was begging Zeb for, but all he knew was that it was all so good and he never wanted him to stop touching him.

Zeb was just as hard and brutal as he would be if he had been fucking him with his cock and Kallus found a grateful smile tugging at his mouth because even in the throes of that brutality, Zeb treated his body with care and focus. He knew his limits better than he did and understood the burn he needed to feel and keep feeling, in all the places that would linger the most.

When Kallus came he covered his own mouth to muffle the shout as he spilled down his lover's throat. He kept it covered as he looked down to watch Zeb swallow and pull off to continue to lick him dry, keeping his fingers lodged far up his ass. The overstimulation of that tongue, the obscene stretch of his hole, and the intense way Zeb looked up at him so hungrily was enough to have Kallus tugging at any part of Zeb to bring him back up to him and his wanting mouth.

Kallus unhooked his leg from Zeb's broad shoulder and gasped as Zeb's fingers slipped free. Zeb swallowed his gasp into a sloppy and fierce kiss. Kallus could taste himself on his tongue and he moaned wantonly, shaking hands reaching down to find and touch Zeb's hard cock. The lasat was still fully clothed but Kallus could feel the hot length of him, swelled and pressed between hard muscle and a thick jumpsuit.

Spinning in Zeb's arms, he pressed his backside into his crotch. "Fuck me, fuck me, please Zeb, oh stars fuck me. Love, please…"

Zeb was already humping against him, the bulge of his cock spreading the cleft of his ass apart, the fabric of his jumpsuit rasping at his rim illicitly. "Say it again," Zeb told him, the sound of a small zipper opening.

"Fuck me Zeb, fuck me," Kallus repeated.

"Again. Call me 'love' again," Zeb implored, raggedly. The tip of his cock slipped inside.

Kallus gulped and looked over his shoulder as Zeb filled him to the hilt in one torturous push. "Fuck me, love."

"Again," Zeb groaned, his voice wrecked. He began to slam into Kallus, claws in a vice grip on his hips, cock fucking into him fast and frantic. Kallus braced his hands against the doorframe.

"Oh love, fuck me -f-fuck me!" Kallus could barely string a sentence, even an expletive one, he was being taken so hard. "Please, love, fuck -fill me love -c-come my love!"

Zeb let out a choked gasp, a sob, and exploded. A release of spend painted Kallus' insides and he felt the stretch of Zeb's knot open his hole wide and keep him there. Zeb's hands, which surely left behind bruises on his hips, slid around and hugged Kallus' body. He began kissing into his hair and nuzzling his neck while his hands petted all over his body, stroking and worshipping every dip and swell of him that he could reach. He even gave a gentle brush against Kallus' spent dick with the back of his fingers a few times.

Kallus felt Zeb wiggle his pelvis just the slightest and the last of his come rushed out and filled him to the brim. The knot deflated and he pulled out slowly, and before Kallus could worry about the mess of ejaculate sure to ruin the floor and his clothes, Zeb's hand was there to catch most of it and wipe it off into a cleaning cloth he pulled from a box in the storeroom.

Knock, knock-knock. “Captain Kallus? Uh, sir?”

Kallus was sure he was already red and flushed but the mortification that someone was right there on the other side of the door, and had possibly heard some of their recent activities, had him flustered and panicked.

He hastily put his clothing back on and into place, giving a glare to Zeb, as all he had apparently done to free his cock and balls was open the side zip and flap to his jumpsuit. He was already fully composed before Kallus was fumbling with his boot and kicking it the rest of the way on as he tried to refasten his pants.

There was another knock. “Sir?”

“Yes, I’m coming!” Kallus said in an agitated tone.

“Ya came alright,” Zeb mumbled under his breath and licked his lips to remind him just where he had come. So did you! Kallus wanted to snap back but cleared his throat and straightened his jacket instead.

Kallus punched the door code and it whooshed open to reveal a young man with fluffy hair and a triangular nose. His standard issue clothing and lack of a rank plaque suggested a messenger or courier. They stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments before Kallus cleared his throat again and pretended not to notice how deeply the courier was blushing. And staring, with his big innocent eyes.

“Hiya, Chase!” Zeb said, far too cheery for the tension in the air.

The courier, Chase, startled. He looked at Zeb, who was standing behind Kallus, an arm slung over his shoulder leisurely, like they hadn’t just been fucking within earshot of the other man. “Oh, hi Captain Orr- Zeb.”

There was a pause.

“You were lookin’ for Kal?” Zeb prompted, and Chase looked confused for a moment before looking down to the pile of datapads in his hands and startled again.

“Yes! Er, Captain Kallus, yes,” Chase could barely look Kallus in the eye, “Command wanted me to assign you a new pad, since yours obviously… yeah. Here.” The young man handed over one of the datapads to him.

Kallus started it and already saw orders to debrief concerning the Bothan Spynet mission and the Imperial altercation that had cost him his ship. He sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Zeb's hands were on him again, in the same postition they had been in when he was fucking him from behind, and Kallus felt the flare of pain from the blooming bruises there. Kallus also felt a tender relief that Zeb had left such a literal impression on (and in) his body enough that he would feel it all night long. He adored him for that. But he also wanted to scold him for being so bold about that touch, doing it out in the open, in front of the courier that knew what they had been doing not minutes before.

Even still, Kallus couldn't bear to pull away from Zeb as he leaned in closer to his body. "Find me when you're done, eh, love?" Zeb said softly and kissed the side of his head and gave him a farewell squeeze to his hips.

Zeb then sidestepped around him and engaged a still wide-eyed Chase into conversation about what he was up to, how was his love life, and left Kallus to make his own way to Command.

It would be a full day after when Kallus was finally able to leave the Intelligence sector of Home One, at which point the Ghost had been assigned a last minute pickup of people that were to build the reinforcements for the new squads forming.

The Bothans and their Spynet were able to deliver the information they needed for the second Death Star, and the Rebel Alliance was suddenly a bustle of activity. Even still, Kallus knew he was exhausted and needed sleep, a full meal and maybe a shower, in whatever order that came in.

Without a ship, Kallus was assigned a temporary bunk with a commando lieutenant with personal boundary issues and an obnoxious mustache. Kallus couldn't really complain too much about the facial hair since he still wore his in his signature mutton chops and had not deviated from it in all his adult life, even when he defected from the Empire.

"Between us, we're the whole package, huh?" The commando made a circular motion with his hand around his face. He proudly smoothed at his mustache as he smiled at Kallus.

"Indeed." Kallus tried to keep to one word answers with the man, too tired and anxious for a moment of quiet to be kinder.

Thankfully even boisterous commandos needed their own quiet time, and before long they had the cabin lights dimmed and were both getting ready for bed. The other man took off his shirt, and Kallus tried not to frown at the almost matching strip of fuzzy hair across his chest in almost the same shape as his mustache.

“I’d ask you if you wanted to top or not…”

Kallus stopped mid tug of removing his jacket.

“But it’s not one on top of the other, is it? Shame.” The commando lieutenant said and looked at the bunks with ruefulness. The two beds were on opposite sides of the room. Kallus rolled his eyes and finished removing his jacket.

“Yes, shame,” Kallus said sarcastically and unfolded the standard blanket. He laid down in bed and grabbed his datapad. Thankfully, his bunkmate took the hint that it was again time for silence, and flopped onto his own bunk and pulled a holonovel from his indented alcove and began to read it.

Kallus himself continued to review and analyze the data from the Bothans. He noticed right away that the list of casualties from the attack on the Bothan people was a mere number instead of a list of names. The only names they actually listed were the Rebel agents and key Bothans directly involved in the Death Star information. Kallus understood, to an extent, why they left the list as it was; there were simply too many and also the accuracy was probably moot due to the haste at which they fled and the fact that the Bothawui sector was now swarming with Imperial forces. It was not for lack of care and respect, Kallus had seen the council's and Mon Mothma's reaction to the Bothan sacrifice first hand, but more a matter of time, resources, and scrutiny; all things they were unfortunately low on.

Still, it twisted at Kallus' insides and delayed his body's demand for sleep. It was two hours of staring at the data before he was almost ready to take a sleep aid. Maybe it was because he had been so deeply embedded in the operation, for six months no less, that he found he couldn't stop his thoughts from keeping him awake. Maybe it was because he wasn't in his usual bed, the luxury of his own ship and his own space in the Rebellion sorely missed now that it was gone.

Maybe it was because there was no more Glimmer of Hope at all. Well, perhaps there was no more Glimmer, but maybe there was Hope still left; they had survived after all, everyone aboard. Rebellions were built on survivors, as Zeb had reminded him. Zeb…

Kallus touched his abdomen and let his hand rub just below the waistband. He poked at the tender bruises he had there from Zeb's hands. He let out a long, indulgent breath of air.

He almost didn't do it, but after a long hesitation, he tapped in the programming on his pad to connect to the Ghost's frequency and from there to Zeb's comm. He shifted in his bunk, turning towards the wall for whatever privacy he could manage.

"Hey Kal," Zeb's voice came over the comm and Kallus closed his eyes at the sound of it. He sounded like he was busy, however, the tired strain of his voice indicative of it.

"I'm sorry, for not being able to see you before you left," Kallus said, trying to keep as quiet as he could be without whispering.

"It's the nature of the beast, isn't it? Ah," Zeb made a grunt of sound, and a clatter was heard.

"You're busy, I'll-"

"M'not busy. Just tryin' to get all these turrets in extra top order. Hera plans to have a full house to man every gun on the Ghost. I'm sharing a room with Wolffe, currently. Had to put the old bunk back up earlier." Zeb sounded like he was moving again.

"You are busy." Kallus' finger reached for the disconnect button. As if Zeb could sense it, he made a warning grunt at him.

"Stop. Kal, just give me -there. I'm all alone in the 'fresher." The slight echo to his voice meant he really was. "What's going on? You need help with, uh -you touchin' where I held ya?"

Kallus made a noise. "I'm sharing a bunk currently, too," he blurted out before Zeb could continue.

"Oh, karabast, well, uh," Zeb gave a little nervous chuckle, before trying to whisper, "then when you're by yourself, I want you to touch there. Pretend it's me. Pressin' on you and uh, deep."

Kallus felt his cheeks get hot. Zeb had tried to whisper several times in Kallus' presence and had never been successful. He still wasn't, even with Kallus making sure the volume was as low as he could make it on his comm.

"Alright," Kallus said tightly, hoping his bunkmate was asleep by now, "when I'm alone."

"Hm, yeah." Zeb was silent for a beat. "Sorry about the Glimmer. But at least you made it. You an' everyone else."

“Not everyone,” Kallus couldn’t help the sourness his voice carried. The Bothan losses… he almost began.

“I know, Kal, I know sweetheart,” Zeb’s voice was earnest and sympathetic. He did know, didn’t he? Kallus ached suddenly for Zeb and his touch, for his words not over a device but warm and heated in his ear. As if reading his very wants over the lightyears between them, Zeb cursed. "Karabast, want you here. With me. Under me."

Kallus peeked over his shoulder, saw the light from the other side of the room was off, and brought the comm up to his lips, speaking low, "I want to be there too. With you. With you in me, love."

"Alexsandr…" Zeb purred his full name and Kallus bit his lip as something tugged low in his belly. Kallus really shouldn't be encouraging this. There wasn't anything he could do if he got hard and aroused enough, besides a quick jerk in a refresher, and he didn't want to do that.

“I don’t believe we’ll have time to see each other until after,” Kallus said, trying to diffuse some of the tension between them.

“After could be a while,” Zeb grumbled with a long sigh. “You could always see if Hera can grab you for a spot here on the Ghost. I could teach ya the turrets.”

“I know how to shoot a turret,” Kallus said dryly, even if the thought of having Zeb ‘teach’ him was tantalizing. “They have already assigned me to the ground team.”

“Rex too,” Zeb said. “We’re dropping him and some others off before we join the big fleet. I’ll tell him to keep an eye on you.”

Kallus huffed out a puff of air. “I don’t need looking after.”

Zeb snorted a disbelieving noise. “Yeah you do, Alexsandr Kallus.”

Did he?

“Besides,” Zeb continued, “I need him to deliver you to me when this is all over. So I can do a lil more than just look.”

Kallus smiled, trying not to think of what would happen if they both didn’t make it, or worse if only one of them didn’t make it. “I’m… going to hold you to that.”

“Hm, gonna hold you to me alright.”

“Love, please,” Kallus let the endearment slip once again, unashamed at the way it felt on his tongue, natural now and just good.

But even as easy as it was to call him that, he wasn’t sure if he could manage to tell him aloud and explicitly that he loved him. And shouldn’t he? Now of all nights, when he never felt more sure of it? And never more scared that he wouldn’t get the chance again?

Exhaustion was finally beginning to wrap itself around him tightly in the silence that stretched between them. His eyes drooped closed. “I need to go.”

“Yeah, me too. G’night, love,” Zeb said, “We’ll see each other when it’s over.”

When it was over. He’d do it then. If they both survived, he would tell Zeb, out loud and in person. Zeb deserved no less than that. “Yes, we will.”