Little Deaths - chapter 7 -

This is it! The last chapter! I hope everyone enjoys the progress of this fic as I wrote and struggled with it. I will post to AO3 eventually but I'm going to do some editing and such to see how it flows. This was tentatively going to be a 5+1 but that chapter before sure got away with me and not it's 6+1 I suppose. Thanks everyone for coming on this journey with me! I think I definitely need to draw some stuff for this fic XD

TW : talk of death, rough but loving sex, dirty talk, mild sub/dom elements

At ground level the funeral pyres were burning, the smoke drifting up towards the trees and beyond to the clear night sky of the forest moon of Endor. And above, the victory bonfires were also burning bright. Ewoks and the Rebels all mourned and honored and celebrated in the same gathering of survivors.

Another round of cheers sounded outside the medical tent, coming from further up in the canopy of the Ewok village. The makeshift station was further down near the ground level, so the injured didn’t have to be hauled up the awkward ropes and pulley lifts to the main parts of the village. They were still high enough that the trek up from ground level was enough

Alexsandr Kallus, survivor of the battle of Endor, stood in the medical tent with the injured. He was not injured himself, beyond general fatigue and some bumps and bruises, but had stayed until the man he brought in could be seen by the medical droid.

“If I don’t make it, I just want you to know I feel bad about flirting with you,” Zaarin, the commando lieutenant whom he had shared the bunk with days prior, said with dire seriousness. Kallus had been slightly disconcerted when he found the same man to be in his ground assault team the next day leaving Home One on a stolen Imperial shuttle, but he turned out to be a competent man when the work needed doing.

Kallus scowled and looked down where Zaarin was holding his hand for comfort. Then he looked down at the simple bacta bandage being applied to his leg where a piece of shrapnel had grazed his thigh. Grazed, being the operative word there. Had he even needed his help getting to the tent, as he had insisted?

“I do that before a big mission, try to hook up. I didn’t know you were taken, or I wouldn’t have. He sounded nice.” He began to cough dramatically. “I hope you two will continue on and think of me when you’re kriffing over the comm next,” Zaarin continued, closing his eyes in anguish.

Kallus rolled his eyes and yanked his hand away from the lieutenant to fold his arms across his chest. “For fuck’s sake, Zaarin,” Kallus grumbled. If he had really been that bad off he would have been shuttled up to space for full treatment on the frigates.

“If they have to take the leg, just make sure they use it to kick some more Imperial ass, okay?” Zaarin was now smiling up at him and Kallus couldn’t help but return a tired smirk down at the lieutenant.

“I’ll kick your ass with it,” Kallus said and patted none too gently at Zaarin’s shoulder. He took in a deep breath and looked around the tent.

The space was filled with Rebels, the survivors of hope, all with new reminders that they were still alive, that they had made it. Some of the wounds would heal completely, but some may leave a scar; some physical evidence of what they all went through.

In a way, Kallus wished maybe that he had gotten injured more than he had, so that he would have a scar to carry and remind him. But as were a lot of the scars he carried, they had never been physical on his body, no matter if sometimes he had wished they had been, and reminded him all the same.

“Is he here? You should go be with him,” Zaarin said, a believable sincerity now to his voice.

“Who?” Kallus asked. This time the commando lieutenant rolled his eyes.

“Your man, the one from the comm. Your love?” Zaarin looked up at him like he was a fool. And maybe he was, for still standing here and enduring the man. It was something to do, however, as the comm systems were jammed with fleet chatter and it was impossible to get through to the Ghost.

“He’s not here yet.” He knew the Ghost was due to land soon to join the festivities, he had heard talk from some other pilots about General Syndulla confirming that much, so at least he knew Zeb and the rest of the crew were safe.

“Is that him?” Zaarin asked and Kallus perked up and followed his line of sight to the front of the tent.

It wasn’t Zeb, but it was Rex. The clone was obviously looking for him, because as soon as he had put eyes on Kallus, he was making his way over. “Ghost just landed. Wanna head over with me?”

Kallus nodded eagerly and gave Zaarin another pat on the shoulder before following Rex out of the tent, Zaarin whistling and cheering him on to go get him, asshole! as he left.

The forest canopy practically glowed above them, the warm hues of the bonfires like miniature stars and sunsets through the trees. And twinkling below, like the reflection of those stars in a shifting body water, were the funeral pyres. Not as numerous or as big as the fires above, but no less beautiful and no less respected.

Kallus could not help but look down at the pyres as he walked along the narrow, wood-planked path, following Rex. The names had already been collected of the ones that could be identified, he knew (of course he knew), even the Imperial ones. Their bodies were burned just the same as the others, too; their fires burned just as hot and bright. Fire was not discriminatory with what it burned for. Maybe that was why Kallus was so fascinated by the flames tonight.

Maybe he just needed something to distract him from the twist in his belly and the bubble of emotion he wouldn't allow to overcome him until he saw and felt Zeb alive and well and safe.

They came upon a lower level, more subtle celebration with a group of Rebels obviously more comfortable doing their drinking near the ground instead of up high where one could have a potentially disastrous fall. Even with the nets the Ewok village had throughout their arboreal home, it was still a very, very long drop.

The arranged area was almost reminiscent of a simple tap cafe, the kind that would be thrown up quickly around the base on Yavin IV. Lanterns, both electric and flamed, were hung from low hanging branches and empty crates were arranged around for seating, and the full crates of spirits and various other alcohols were quickly being emptied themselves to add to the seating. Rebels laughed and engaged with the curious Ewoks that had wandered into the space too.

As if they had planned it, the crew of the Ghost came in through the opposite walkway and there was a warm cacophony of a reunion as they joined together in the middle.

When Kallus saw Zeb, he smiled so wide his cheeks hurt, and was in his arms in an instant. Zeb laughed as he held him tight and nearly lifted him off his feet as he straightened his back to tip their hug that much closer.

Then they kissed, passionate and happy, in front of everyone.

"Whoa. They're a thing now? When'd that happen?"

"Where have you been all war, Rex?" General Syndulla's voice asked, sardonically.

"Fighting in it!" There was some laughter that followed and more talk as they mingled and drifted away.

Kallus couldn't stop kissing Zeb, his hands curling over the muscles of his neck and smoothing over the fine fur at his ears, and then tangling in his beard. Zeb let himself be kissed and reciprocated with enthusiasm, his big arms wrapping around his waist and squeezing his hips.

When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathless and still smiling.

"We made it," Zeb said and ran a hand through Kallus' hair, smiling wider as he pulled a tree needle from it and brought it up to show him before letting it twirl to the floor.

"We did." Kallus traced his fingertips along the armor across Zeb's chest, a freshly painted inflamed symbol there, bright and colorful and hardly chipped yet. Another Sabine Wren original.

A creature of flight, rising in the flames. A symbol of their commitment to victory.

Or so he had said, what felt like so long ago. Kallus thinks he understands it a bit more now, or at least what it meant for him. A phoenix dies and is reborn, a survivor of its own flames and ashes. It meant hope and rebirth in the face of defeat, victory even among flames and sacrifice. It burned just as hot dying as it did rising, because fire was never discriminatory.

The red and yellow flames painted on the armor faded at the edges of the stroke, the diffuse of color a spattering of droplets against the duller grey-green of the hard material protecting the man he loved. His fingers followed the flames until they faded near his opposite shoulder, and then back to the crest of the creature's head right above his heart.

"I love you," Kallus found himself saying, blurting it out as if he had just discovered it, even though he hadn't. He was shocked at his own boldness, but wouldn't ever regret it, not now.

"Yeah, I know," Zeb replied fondly, "love you back. Have for a while."

Kallus let out a breath he had been holding and a bubble of laughter caught in his throat. "Y-you have?"

"Been waitin' on you to catch up. Karabast, you can make a man wait." Zeb smiled with teasing confidence and looped his arms loosely around his middle, under his mottled green poncho.

“How long, exactly, have you been waiting?” Kallus asked, curious since it had only been just recently that Kallus himself had identified and acknowledged the sentiment. He didn’t think he could pinpoint an exact moment; somehow it had just been there, not all along, but just there now.

“When you asked me what I wanted, and I said you,” Zeb told him and Kallus remembered. Hoth, Echo Base, just after the mission with the defector. It was the night he broke, had never felt more broken, and Zeb was there to pick up the fragile shards that he had made of himself. It was the night Zeb had knotted inside him for the first time and Kallus had fallen asleep under a painted Lothal sunset. The night he stayed.

“Well, love,” Kallus started, the novelty of saying that so freely still a joyous overflow of emotion that he couldn’t help but chuckle at it all, “I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long for me. I do love you.”

Zeb tightened his hold around his middle and leaned his forehead to his. “Again, say it again.”

“I love you, Zeb,” Kallus said and their lips brushed in a tease of a kiss.

“Again,” Zeb insisted.

“I love you,” Kallus barely had the words out of his mouth before Zeb was kissing him again, firm and grounding. They stood there a while, in the crowded little space with the other Rebels celebrating and drinking and toasting the fallen, until Kallus felt the stirring of arousal insistently begin to rush to his groin. Zeb alive and in his arms, loving him, had that effect on him.

“Ghost’s free, unless you wanna do it against a tree,” Zeb murmured into his ear, giving it a small lick with the tip of his tongue. He must have the same sudden urge as he did. As provocative and sexy as fucking against a tree might have been, all Kallus wanted to do was make love to Zeb. With a little more privacy.

“The Ghost,” Kallus said and Zeb nodded, giving him a peck on the lips. He took his hand in his and began to lead him there.

They didn’t rush the walk, instead holding hands and taking their time as they made their way through the winding walkways made of wood and rope. They passed the few still making it to the surface and rushing past them and up into the canopy where the celebrations continued to go on into the night. Soon, they made their way down to where some of the ships had found clearings in the forest. The Ghost was there and indeed empty, the crew (including Chopper) all in the village celebrating.

They didn't even rush when they got to Zeb’s bunk and began to strip each other bare in the quiet of the room.

"Can't wait to feel you. Want your legs wrapped around me when I'm inside you," Zeb said into the skin of his neck as he slowly pushed down his pants. Zeb's big hands plucked at his underwear, fingers playing with the elastic of it right at the small of his back and dipping in to tease at his ass. "Want you close, love, want you comin' on my knot."

“Yes love, please,” Kallus said ardently and suddenly the slowness they were taking seemed too slow. Kallus hooked his thumbs in his underwear and took them off and tugged Zeb by his neck into a hungry kiss.

Skin met fur as they kissed heatedly, and Kallus could feel the hard and slick nudge of Zeb's cock against his own groin. His dick was already half hard and eager for the proceedings when Zeb took hold of his hips and brought them together flush. The continued feel of Zeb's cock, full and dripping and being rubbed against him, brought him to full hardness in less than a minute.

Kallus only stopped kissing him to climb into the bunk and adjust in the small space as Zeb climbed on top of him. Kallus spread his legs wide to accommodate the larger man and sighed at the press as Zeb settled his weight over him.

Zeb leaned with one arm and propped himself up so he could use his other hand to pet Kallus' body, his eyes following his paths and touches. He worked at his nipples and smoothed over his chest hair and followed the trail that led down past his navel.

“Tease,” Kallus grunted and moved his own hands over the muscles of Zeb’s arms and chest to do some teases of his own.

Then Zeb took hold of his stiff length and began to rub it in his fist. Zeb worked his warm hand up and down, his furred fingers a delicious friction against his sensitive skin. Kallus let out a surprised curse at the sudden stimulation.

“Not tryin’ to tease, just enjoying you. You just tell me what you need,” Zeb said softly and leaned down to kiss his lips, his hand still moving.

"Whatever you do, just-" Kallus struggled to articulate his wants, because what he needed was something that he could feel for hours, days, forever. “From you. I need to feel it. I need that from you, love, for always.”

"Oh sweetheart, I'll give you what you need," Zeb told him tenderly. "I'm gonna mark you, right on this shoulder here. Gonna bite you."

Zeb gave his right shoulder a kiss and grazed his teeth over the muscle there. Kallus shivered in anticipation.

"When a lasat marks their partner during sex, it usually means something, a reminder of the other," Zeb explained, nuzzling at his cheek. "I know you didn't know that, but when I figured out you wanted things to stay, karabast, it turned me on. Still does."

"I love that you take as much pleasure from it as I do," Kallus said and ran his hand appreciatively over Zeb's head and ears. The short fur ruffled as he went against the grain. As he smoothed it back down he elicited a happy hum from the lasat.

"I want you to think of me, and this, when you feel it stay. Not anything else." Zeb removed his hand from his erection and Kallus looked down to watch as Zeb pulled at his own cock, letting his fingers get covered in his own slick. Then he reached down between Kallus' legs and began to touch his rim.

"I will," Kallus said. He had for a while, he realized. The lingering pain was not simply a distraction anymore, or even a reminder of the brutal chase to orgasm, but who he had shared it with. What mattered was Zeb.

And kriff it was hot to hear Zeb say what it meant for a lasat partner and the promise of a bite mark of his own to bear proudly.

Kallus moaned and shifted his legs to allow better access. Zeb was sure to kiss him again, tongue darting out to lap at his own, as a finger dipped inside his hole. Zeb worked at him, expertly stretching him open with one big finger.

Then Zeb removed his finger and aligned himself over him, his dripping cock slipping inside. "Gonna fuck ya, nice and hard, then I'm gonna mark ya," Zeb told him as he adjusted his weight and pressed deeper, "then I'm gonna knot this lovely, tight ass of yours, and then you're gonna come on it."

Kallus shuddered and brought his legs up at Zeb's sides as Zeb sank to the hilt. It was going to be difficult not to come simply from Zeb's words and thick cock already stretching him wide and full.

"You're gonna come so hard on my knot and squeeze me til every last drop is in you. So fuckin' deep." Zeb ran a hand along his hip and up his thigh to be sure his legs were wrapped around his back before making the first thrust.

"Fuck, Zeb," Kallus groaned as the force of it rocked their bodies forward in one mighty lurch of motion. He blinked hard as the sparks of pleasure burst out from his hips and up his spine and down to his curling toes. Zeb thrust again and Kallus gasped a ragged cry into the hot space between their lips.

"Ka-karabast!" Zeb cursed loud and gave a long moan as he continued to move. "Fuck, you feel so… that's it sweetheart, hold on t'me, gonna fuck you so good."

Kallus locked his ankles in the small of Zeb's back and brought his arms over his shoulders as Zeb picked up speed and rammed his cock into him. Kallus tried to tighten his legs around Zeb, but it was proving difficult with the way Zeb's entire body thrust over him and into him with such passion and ferocity. Every part of Zeb's body was in motion, every muscle at work, as he pounded Kallus harder and harder. Kallus wrapped his arms as best he could around Zeb's heaving torso, clinging as best he could to the vigor of their lovemaking.

Kallus could feel himself fraying, swept up in the biting winds of ecstasy, barely holding on. "Mark me Zeb, do it love!"

Zeb let out a desperate growl and nudged his head close to his and Kallus felt the pinch and prick of teeth piercing his skin and he cried out. He'd feel this for days, maybe forever, and Kallus never felt more alive.

"S-so good, love, oh fuck I feel it!" Kallus gasped out. Zeb whined loud in the back of his throat as he held on, his larger fangs sinking deeper and Kallus sobbed out another cry of pleasure.

Then Kallus felt a rush of fluid gush into him and Zeb's knot grew and stretched him wide. Zeb pulled his head away from his shoulder and propped himself on his hands so he could look down at Kallus. Their eyes locked and Zeb began to slowly undulate his hips back and forth, letting his knot pop out and plunge back into his quivering asshole. He did it over and over until Kallus' legs began to shake and his voice trembled, repeating his lover's name again and again.

"Come, come on my knot, that's it, come hard for me love," Zeb begged and Kallus felt everything in him burst and throb in time to his racing heart.

His dick spurted his come onto his belly and chest in a messy splatter and Zeb watched him with rapt attention, eyes flicking between his face and down to watch him ejaculate. All Kallus could do was moan and gasp as he released, reaching up and holding Zeb's cheeks, threading his fingers into his facial hair.

Zeb leaned down onto his elbows and kissed him, slow and wet and loving, as he spilled the last of his seed inside of him. Kallus could feel as the knot eased back and some of Zeb's spend started to leak out of his still twitching hole. They kept kissing, bodies and limbs together in a pressing embrace as they both floated on the euphoria of orgasm.

"You were so good. Oh karabast, love," Zeb praised amidst kisses and strokes along his body. Kallus reciprocated as much as he could reach, enjoying the smothered feel of his lover over and around him. He gripped and soothed at the swell of Zeb's ass especially, lovingly keeping his hips locked to his own, even if his cock was softening inside him.

"I love you, I love you," Kallus repeatedly said into Zeb's relaxed ear and Zeb rumbled a happy, purring sound from deep in his chest. Kallus' legs and feet stroked at Zeb's powerful thighs, the fur there coarser on the outside and so very soft on the inside.

After a few long, indulgent minutes, Zeb finally pulled free, slipping out and bringing a flood of his ejaculate with him to pool onto the bunk under him. Kallus made a grunt at the empty feeling he was left with and cupped a hand down to feel Zeb's seed drip out of his sensitive hole.

Zeb gave him a smirk and bit his lip as he brought over a cloth to begin to clean them both up. "Filled ya good 'nuf, love?"

"Hmm, yes," Kallus sighed and even teased at his rim, spreading the come around and dipping two fingertips in.

"Don't worry, I'll fill ya full again later tonight," Zeb promised him and Kallus removed his playing hand and wiped them on the cloth. He watched as Zeb finished cleaning up their mess and tossed the soiled fabrics to the corner of his bunk room.

Kallus moved his arms over his head in a relaxed and sated position. Or he attempted to. The bite mark on his shoulder twinged in pain and he winced but smiled at the reminder. Zeb saw him and reached into a side drawer and pulled out a small first aid box. It was the first time Zeb had ever broken his skin enough for him to bleed and it was an exhilarating and new experience.

"It'll scar, leave a mark, if we don't use bacta," Zeb said, his voice for the first time cautious and unsure. Kallus found it endearing that while Zeb was so confident and sure of it during sex, he was now concerned Kallus didn't want his mark, that he didn't want it to linger forever on his skin. Zeb was already marked on his very soul, what was a physical reminder but further proof of that? He would cherish it as much as a battle-earned scar from the war; evidence of his and Zeb's love and commitment.

"No bacta. I want it. To stay for always," Kallus insisted, hand hovering over the area protectively. Zeb softly smiled at him, his ears fluttering forward, as if he could hear his very thoughts.

"Let me at least clean it for ya, then," Zeb said and Kallus nodded and sat up as much as he could in the bunk.

Zeb began to wipe at the blood and uncapped a tube of pain relieving, antibacterial salve. He dabbed at the bigger marks meticulously and Kallus grinned fondly at his concentration. When he was finished, he set everything back and gave the rounded curve of Kallus' shoulder a kiss and a nip.

"Alright, c'mere you." Zeb got back into the cramped bunk and threw a blanket over them both and gathered him into his arms.

In the distance, outside of the ship, Kallus thought he heard fireworks exploding overhead. If it was a turbolaser blast and imminent destruction headed their way, well so be it. He'd face it head on with Zeb at his side, even if they had to man the Ghost naked. He huffed a chuckle at the image.

"What's so funny, eh?" Zeb ruffled his shaggy, sex-mussed hair.

"Just an amusing thought of us in the turrets, nude, and defending ourselves against the enemy." Kallus ran a hand over Zeb's chest, snuggling closer into his side, a leg slotted between his.

"Enemy's not 'ere at the moment. And it'll be any day now when we clean the rest of 'em all up, now that the Emperor is gone," Zeb said.

Kallus felt a grip of anger towards Palpatine and how one man could hold so  much power with his death. How many left were still corrupted and would ultimately give their lives to one man; a dead one at that? It could have been him still serving blindly, killing entire worlds like Lasan, still dangling and choking from the strings of a puppetmaster's necrotic hand…

As much as that terrified him to his core, he also knew that it didn't matter. It always could have been him; endless possibilities of his demise rattling through his life at every near-miss. It was better to think and be glad it wasn't still him, that he had changed. Yes, it could have been him still serving the decomposing Empire, but thank the stars it wasn't. He couldn't bear to think of himself as that man anymore.

In a way, that man, nothing more than half a person clinging to any proof of continued life, had died and left him behind. Alexsandr Kallus knew he was alive now; a man broken but better for it, a man maybe even worth saving.  He would always crave that proof, but now he had found a different source for it; not the pain and obsession he’d once lived off of, but the care and love of someone like Garazeb Orrelios.

All at once, Kallus was concerned that he needed to mark Zeb back, leave some imprint and reminder of him. He was arrogant and selfish, but he hated the thought of leaving Zeb without.

"What is it, love?" Zeb asked, seeming to have sensed his inner turmoil. How he knew, Kallus was unsure, but Zeb always seemed to know when his thoughts got too loud and insistent.

"Do you," Kallus weighed the words on his tongue, "do you need a mark too? Is that something you need from me?"

Zeb was quiet in his own thoughts a moment before he answered. “You’re my reminder, Alexsandr. Just you. That's all I need of you. Be with me, here on the Ghost, be crew.”

“Part of the crew?” Kallus thought, part of the family?

“Yeah, Hera already said you’re more than welcome. And even after the war is over, be with me,” Zeb repeated, his voice earnest, “I need you, Alexsandr, please…”

It didn’t seem like enough, but Kallus would be damned if he denied Zeb anything. He deserved the world, a dozen worlds, the whole galaxy even, and Kallus would give it to him in whatever capacity he could, for as long as he could.

Kallus reached up and traced the edges of the bite mark on his shoulder and nodded and told him:

“Yes.”