Group Watch: I Know I Love You E5-8

E5-8. Before I say anything else, I wanted to mention that the chapter titles are back.

Episode 6: "I'm sorry, I want to be that bad person."

Episode 7: "I don't want to lie to myself."

Episode 8: "Breaking up is the matter of one person."

Y'know, I am cognizant of the fact that this show doesn't work for everyone, but I am really digging this show.

It really does remind me of how I felt when I watched One Spring Night, even though Show has clearly made some tweaks that are likely going to have (what I estimate will be) rather sizable impact on how the story continues to unfold.

A thing that I am enjoying viscerally is the music in this show, which I know isn't the case for everyone (hi GB 😁).

Personally, I find that I like all of the songs, and my favorite is "Don't You," which I find smokey and atmospheric, and just full of feels. I don't know, I seem to gravitate towards songs with a 6/8 tempo, coz so many times, I'll pick my favorite track in an OST - and find that it's the one with the 6/8 tempo. 😁

I also wanted to mention that "Julie" doesn't bother me at all. In fact, the electric guitar riff which drives GB nuts, really appeals to me; it reminds me of the opening bars of the equivalent song that played in One Spring Night, "No Direction," which has a very similar vibe overall.

They aren't the same song, obviously, but "No Direction" served the same function in One Spring Night, signaling all the similar plot developments that "Julie" is now signaling, and I thought that was a really neat way for Show to honor the source material, while still doing its own thing.

Really nicely done, I feel.

A key thing that I like about this show, is how human and real these characters feel.

They might look beautiful just like the characters in fluffy rom-coms do, but they feel like real people with real and complicated emotions, who happen to be in real and complicated situations.

In One Spring Night, everyone was a shade of gray, and you could say the same, for the characters in this show.

I will say, though, that I think that Show's makers likely decided to color in some characters a little more heavily, so that the gray is darker, and closer to black, in order to make the story more easily digestible by a wider audience.

Specifically, I'm thinking of Yu'an.

If memory serves, in One Spring Night, the equivalent character didn't actually do anything to in the region of betraying the female lead.

Instead, One Spring Night made it such that the long-time couple broke up because our female lead realized that she didn't want the same things as he did, in life, and that this marriage wasn't something that she wanted anymore.

That's something that's so very real, and I'm sure it happens to a lot of real couples too.

However, it's a tricky situation to navigate, particularly in a story where the female lead is also attracted to another man, while feeling disillusioned with her current relationship.

I'm guessing that some folks found this plot point hard to accept, and perhaps that's why One Spring Night seems to have a more niche sort of fanbase.

My guess is that the makers of I Know I Love You, decided to make Yu'an more obviously a "bad guy" sort of character, so that it'd be easier for us to support the break-up between him and Xu Nuo.

I mean, GB hit the nail on the head when she said last week, that Yu'an wants to have his cake and eat it too.

One minute, we see him tell Cong Shan that he's going to give her that ring (which he'd bought for Xu Nuo, no less 🙄), after he breaks up with Xu Nuo.

And then the next minute, we see him lying to Xu Nuo, and missing that wedding event which he'd indicated that he would take the opportunity to propose to Xu Nuo, and spending the evening with Cong Shan instead - albeit with other office staff in attendance.

And when Xu Nuo broaches the break-up, finally, he refuses to accept it, even though he's clearly swayed by the idea of marrying Cong Shan like his father wants.

He's such a gaslighter, too.

He's been actively thinking about marrying someone else, and has been blowing off Xu Nuo in the name of work, and when she says she wants to break up with him, he starts accusing her of acting out and being unreasonable, like she's the one breaking the promise that they'd made, to give each other time.

Show's doing a really good job of making Yu'an a believable narcissist, where all he cares about is himself, and what's good for him.

He doesn't actually want to keep this relationship with Xu Nuo; he just wants to be the one to orchestrate the ending, and it hurts his pride that she would want to break up with him.

If Show had meant for me to support the break-up more easily, then it's succeeded, because I find myself very much in favor of this break-up.

As for the reasons that might have been keeping Xu Nuo from breaking up with Yu'an earlier, this set of episodes, we see that the pressure from her parents does have something to do with it.

Mom's been putting pressure on Xu Nuo to get married; that she's already behind schedule, and other people her age have already progressed to having kids.

Plus, there's also the thing where Xu Nuo's parents - her dad especially - seem to see Yu'an as a financially desirable son-in-law; someone who'd be able to help them out, if necessary.

(On a side note, I'm tickled that Mom and Dad have secretly reconciled after their divorce, and are now sneaking around because they don't want people to know about their renewed relationship. 😁)

It feels like Xu Nuo's found herself gradually pushed into a corner, where marriage with Yu'an seems like the only acceptable way forward.

I'm so glad that she reaches her breaking point, this set of episodes, and asks Yu'an for that break-up.

I'm really enjoying Shi Ran as a friend, this set of episodes.

Even though some people might find it questionable that Xu Nuo seems to have feelings for Zhao Jin while still technically seeing Yu'an with a view towards marriage, Shi Ran doesn't judge her for it at all.

Instead, she tells Xu Nuo that she will support whatever decision Xu Nuo makes.

And, I feel like her manner in telling Xu Nuo that, lands as gentle and sincere, and I like that a lot.

We could all use a friend like Shi Ran, who will withhold judgment, particularly when we're feeling perplexed and depressed already, and assure us of her friendship and support, no matter what we choose. 🥲

As for Zhao Jin, from what we see of him this set of episodes, I'm coming to the conclusion that one of the reasons he comes across as rather serious and stiff - and almost numb - a lot of the time, is because he's holding himself back, in just about all areas of his life.

I get the sense that he's been making decisions about his life, based on his family circumstances, rather than what he actually wants in life.

At the same time, I've been getting the sense that Zhao Jin isn't happy with the way things are.

Sometimes, like when he's drinking with Dahao, he lets it leak out a little, in the way he remarks that he wishes that he could do as he wishes, just once.

Often, I feel like I can also see it in his gaze, and I do feel that Zhang Wan Yi is doing a nice job of projecting that tamped-down, reined-in internal conflict.

My heart really goes out to him because of this, because it gives me the impression that he's never been able to live the way he's wanted, his entire life.

And, perhaps it's an indication of how strongly he feels about Xu Nuo, that he's not simply sucking it in and turning away. Instead, we see him seeking her out, because he misses her, like at the bridal gallery.

That must surely be meant to be an indication to us, of just how strongly he's drawn to Xu Nuo, yes? Otherwise, he'd likely find it easy - a matter of habit, pretty much - to walk away, because this is too complicated.

Through it all, I remain appreciative of the fact that Zhao Jin and Xu Nuo work to keep themselves from crossing the line, even though they can't seem to completely stay away from each other.

It's easy to judge them for reaching out to each other at all, but y'know, when you feel strongly about someone, it's easy to be led by your heart rather than your head, and I feel that Show brings out that dilemma really well, with Zhao Jin and Xu Nuo.

We finally get to the point in our story where we revisit the opening scene from episode 1, and I still love it.

I love the quiet honesty, as they both admit to how they've each not done a good job of keeping the promise of just being friends.

The honest helplessness, on Zhao Jin's part, where he's unable to change his feelings for Xu Nuo, but also, unable to do anything for her, and unable to convince himself to stay away from her completely.

This open vulnerability really appeals to me.

And, credit to Xu Nuo, that she meets him halfway and admits that she did unnecessary things too, all to have an excuse to contact him and see him.

It would've been easy for her to have let Zhao Jin bear all the blame, since he's putting the blame on himself anyway, but she doesn't do that, and I respect her for that.

The quiet sadness and wistfulness, as they part ways after this scene is the kind of hurt that hurts so good, y'know?

I dunno; this scene just really, really works for me. 🥲

There are times, this set of episodes, when Xu Nuo says things that sound rather unreasonable, when she's talking with Zhao Jin.

But, in the midst of the unreasonable words, is a plaintiveness that comes through for me, and I feel like she's kind of, underneath it all, asking Zhao Jin to help her, &/or understand her.

Credit to Zhao Jin, though, for not crossing the line, even when Xu Nuo's standing before him tearfully, and sounding plaintive underneath her prickly words, despite his strong feelings for her.

And finally, we hear from Xu Nuo about a key reason she has been pretending that everything's ok, when it comes to Yu'an and his questionable behavior; she feels that articulating it, would make it real; that she really is pathetic, petty and small.

I hate that Yu'an doesn't even seem to register that his actions have had an impact on Xu Nuo's mental and emotional well-being. Like I said before, classic narcissist. 😒

I mean, look at the way he acts all injured and put-upon, when Xu Nuo's dad goes to see him, and he tells Dad that Xu Nuo's asked for a break-up. Ugh.

In contrast, I really appreciate Zhao Jin's consistently gentle manner, when he talks to Xu Nuo.

Sure, when she shows up unannounced at his apartment, he does, at one point, remark that she's willful. But his manner is gentle and caring, even underneath the stoic front that he's putting up.

And, even though Xu Nuo's giving off all these signals, about not wanting to take it that they'd never met (with tears in her eyes, at that), and not wanting to help him keep to just being friends, he doesn't take advantage of it, like I feel many other men might.

Therefore, even though Zhao Jin's also giving mixed signals at times, I feel like I can see him trying hard, to stick to his principles and not be too swayed by his feelings.

I thought the spontaneous barbecue party at Xu Nuo's apartment was rather awkward, but y'know, I find that I actually do want Xu Nuo and Zhao Jin to spend more time in each other's presence, so I don't even really care that this is a weird and sudden idea, on Shi Ran's part. 😅

Of course, it gets all kinds of awkward when Yu'an shows up, because he can't deal with the fact that Xu Nuo's asked for a break-up.

As we end off episode 8, I'm sitting up with extra interest, because when Yu'an starts to ask Zhao Jin about whether he'd been at Xu Nuo's apartment that night, Zhao Jin doesn't even let him finish the question.

He just 'fesses up, just like that, that he'd been there, and we end on a note with both men locking tipsy gazes with each other.

I'm kind of blown away by how calmly intense Zhao Jin is being about this. That intensity is like a very quiet, still fire that burns steadily regardless of what it's up against, and that's kinda heart-wobbly, really.

I can't help wondering where this might go; are we about to have Yu'an and Zhao Jin go head to head, over Xu Nuo? I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I'm eager to see how this unfolds!

We will discuss E9-12 on 20 Jan 2024!