Group Watch: I Know I Love You E9-12

E9-12. More chapter titles, everyone:

Episode 9: "If you're willing to wait for me."

Episode 10: "You can come slowly to my side."

Y'know, the thing that had my brain in a lock-hold, this set of episodes, is the question of exactly what is going on, with Yu'an.

There were so many occasions, this set of episodes, where I wanted to reach into my screen and throttle him; he was being so frustratingly bizarre with regards to the lack of sense-making in his behavior.

Certainly, the logical sense-making is completely absent, since basically everything Yu'an says contradicts what he does.

I'm trying to understand the emotional / psychological sense-making behind his behavior, and I'm not 100% sure that I get it.

I said last week that he's a gaslighting narcissist, and that still holds true.

And now, I'm starting to think that there's also a sense of desperation in his actions, and that desperation is muddying the sense-making.

It reminds me of how, when playing video games, most people start to make senseless moves, when they realize that they're doomed to lose the game; they start throwing everything - including the kitchen sink - at the game, hoping that it will somehow make a difference, despite knowing that they'll lose anyway.

..That's the impression that I'm getting, from Yu'an's actions.

On top of this, there's also this thing that Show's introducing, where Yu'an's struggling to deal with the regrets that are surfacing now, within him, about giving up his music dreams.

It's rather incongruous to the eyes, certainly, because Yu'an exudes oily businessman vibes so strongly, but I can believe that anyone could have had music dreams as a youngster - even Yu'an.

I think Yu'an doesn't even really know what he wants, at this moment, and that's why his actions are so perplexing.

The thing that I found most perplexing, is the thing where he orchestrates it such that Xu Nuo and his father stand each other up, at their planned meeting.

I can see how this might deal with his immediate worry, that Xu Nuo will tell his father upfront, that she wants to break up with him, but of course, as any half-thinking observer would realize right away, this actually does nothing, in the longer term.

Not only does this not take away the fact that Xu Nuo wants to break up with him - and has already broken up with him - it actually worsens his father's impression of Xu Nuo, which doesn't help at all, if Yu'an has the slightest desire to marry Xu Nuo.

Of course, everything that Yu'an does, this set of episodes, basically adds to the growing mountain of evidence, that he is a gaslighting narcissist.

Someone needs to break it to him, that while it takes both sides to agree, to start a relationship, it really only takes one, to end a relationship.

I just got so tired of him insisting, over and over again, that yes, Xu Nuo's asked for a breakup, but he hasn't agreed.

I kept thinking, "C'mon dude. This is getting old. It's over. You need to wake up and take a good look at the writing on the wall." 🥱

Now that we're at a juncture of our story where Yu'an is forced to face the fact that Xu Nuo likes Zhao Jin, I honestly worry about what Yu'an might do, to both Xu Nuo and Zhao Jin.

After all, he does swear to make Xu Nuo regret it, doesn't he? And if he's such a narcissist who only cares about himself, he's going to do whatever it takes, not only to protect his own reputation, but also, punish the ones who've dared to put his reputation at risk.

I'm glad that Xu Nuo calls him out on how he's never put her first, and I'm also glad that Cong Shan calls him out on it too, when he pulls over and tells her that he'll call her a taxi.

Do I think that this is going to make any difference at all, in Yu'an's behavior? Actually, no.

But I just like the idea that the other people involved, aren't just taking it lying down, or turning the other cheek.

I also like the hints that we're getting, that Cong Shan is getting annoyed with Yu'an, and therefore, might not be so keen to have a partnership with Yu'an, business or otherwise.

And, I'm also glad that she now has the full picture, that Xu Nuo has broken up with Yu'an, so everything he says about needing time to break up with Xu Nuo, is an outright lie.

Mostly, I'm hoping that Yu'an will end up getting nothing, for all of his efforts to have his cake and eat it too.

As for our Zhao Jin and Xu Nuo, I like that Show is consistent in making them imperfect, and sometimes even a little unlikable, but still, people whom I'd like to root for.

I had the same feeling towards the OTP in One Spring Night, and I do think that this is one of Show's key facets; that our OTP need to be human to the extent of not always being likable, but they also still need to be people that I want to root for.

I was very much reminded of this, when we see Xu Nuo saying some unreasonable things to Zhao Jin, this set of episodes.

Like when she tells Zhao Jin that he has to wait for her indefinitely, without liking or dating anyone else.

It's an unreasonable request, but again, I can sense the plaintiveness underneath the willfulness, and I know that Zhao Jin knows, that this is her way of asking for security and assurance - and it's sweet, that he willingly gives it, even though it entails him agreeing to what sounds like an unreasonable request.

As for Zhao Jin, he shows his imperfections too, like in the way he tells Xu Nuo that he lacks the courage to flaunt his relationship with Xu Nuo, in front of Yu'an.

See, based on my steady diet of rom-coms where Dramaland's given us lots of bold male leads who have steely gazes to spare, I would expect myself to find this lack of courage on Zhao Jin's part, decidedly unappealing.

But, I find myself empathizing with Zhao Jin, because it's normal for a regular person, to feel uncomfortable in that position.

And, I actually like that he's so honest with Xu Nuo, about his lack of courage, even though it stands to reason that he would want to impress her, since she's the girl that he likes.

Right there, we get one of the things that I like best, about this couple. They each see the other person for what they are, and they accept and love the other person, all the same. That's heartening and touching, in and of itself, I feel like.

Also, it's just really nice to see that Xu Nuo does have the ability to smile, after all.

I remember some of you guys were saying that Xu Nuo just doesn't seem to smile at all, and we've agreed that that's definitely due to how she feels about her relationship with Yu'an.

And here, we see her starting to leak smiles, during her interactions with Zhao Jin, and likewise, I feel that that definitely is due to how she feels, with Zhao Jin.

She's happy when she's with Zhao Jin, and that's very nice to see, honestly.

It's also so telling, that after spending time with Zhao Jin, Xu Nuo keeps smiling, from the spillover feels. 🥰

It's also realistic, that things aren't exactly smooth and rosy for our OTP, just because they've confirmed their feelings for each other.

Like how Zhao Jin gets angry because Zhao Qin is making flower deliveries on that bike.

It's easy to see that Zhao Jin is overprotective of his sister because he worries for her health and wellbeing, and it's also easy to imagine that he just won't listen to reason, when it comes to Zhao Qin.

However, because he likes Xu Nuo so much, I can believe that he would eventually come around to her reasoning, that keeping Zhao Qin from doing all the things that she wants, doesn't actually give Zhao Qin any meaningful quality of life.

And there's also how Zhao Jin gets angry, when Xu Nuo suggests that he and Zhao Qin leave by the side gate, because Yu'an's on his way to the flower shop to see her.

I'm glad though, that they're able to make up quite swiftly, not because the disagreement was over nothing, but because their love for each other, is greater than anger and bad feelings caused by the disagreement.

There's also how Zhao Jin knows instinctively, when Xu Nuo's moody and upset, that it must have been because of something that her mother had said.

This is one of the indications that our OTP really has come to understand each other quite well, in the time that they've been spending together.

Plus, when they run into Yu'an and Cong Shan at that fancy restaurant, I like that their eventual conversation around this, is so honest, where Zhao Jin says that he's more upset at himself for instinctively avoiding Yu'an, even though he has nothing to hide.

I like this kind of honest, reflective conversation. 🥰

As for Shi Ran, I find that I'm liking her more and more, as a character.

Like I mentioned before, I like her unconditional support and love for Xu Nuo; that's what besties should be like, yes?

I was kinda shocked, actually, that Shi Ran even reflexively breaks up with Xu Yang, just because she's caught up in the break-up emotion of Xu Nuo's love life.

Although, she does have some kind of a point; that if she and Xu Yang aren't able to get over this hiccup, then their relationship wasn't meant to last anyway. (Of course, for the record, it's still not advisable to throw about break-up talk with your significant other; just saying.)

Another thing I like about Shi Ran, is that she says for us, what I wish other characters, like Xu Nuo, would say.

Like when Yu'an keeps going on about how, if it was Zhao Jin, then there's nothing to worry about; that it's not even worth a discussion.

I love that Shi Ran speaks up, and says that Yu'an's being rather rude and hurtful, to say that.

YES, exactly right. Thank you, Shi Ran.

When Yu'an goes to seek out Zhao Jin at his home, I was honestly pretty concerned that they would come to blows, but then.. Dahao and Xu Yang reminded me, in their conversation, that if the two of them really came to blows, it's quite likely that Zhao Jin would win, given that he's the guest coach.

Also, the two of them don't actually come to blows, which.. kind of surprises me, given that we've seen Yu'an's anger bubbling over at least once, with Dahao, this set of episodes.

I'd imagined that his was ready to have it out with Zhao Jin.

Instead of a fight, we have them engaging in terse conversation, with Zhao Jin very calmly telling Yu'an some facts about how he came to know Xu Nuo.

That wasn't what I was expecting, but I think that we can expect Yu'an to pull some dirty moves in Zhao Jin's direction, in our next set of episodes.

Especially since Xu Nuo doesn't take positively to Yu'an's subsequent attempt to start over with her - as long as she forgets about Zhao Jin. 🙄

Ooh boy. Someone's in deep, deep denial, and I would honestly really like someone to jiu-jitsu him upside the head, to get him to wake up and smell the coffee.

Maybe next week? 🤭

We'll be discussing E13-16 on Sat, 27 Jan 2024!