The Situation

Hey friends,

I'm gonna be a little bit bold and vulnerable here and explain what's going on, as I've been trash at keeping tabs on this and justifying what's happening on my end of things. It's not fair on you, and I know you're supportive and I really appreciate it, but I need to communicate better.

Firstly, my "writer's block" or whatever it was, is gone. I am writing, and it's good. I'm not as quick as I'd like to be, but this is due to a second problem...

Secondly, I am in therapy. I won't go into this fully but it's not something I'm shy about, I think mental health is really important and from the way you've all supported and encouraged me, it seems we've got a nice little smut family here, hahah!

Basically, I am in the process of reworking decades of maladaptive patterns that have enabled me to never have meaningful relationships. All kinds of behaviours that are crippling, things I didn't know about until recently.

The issue is, I've found, that working on oneself is exhausting. I am ADHD anyway, and focus is a difficult beast (even with pills!) but I've now got to second-guess a whole host of behaviours that always seemed normal to me but have, ultimately, crippled my ability to be truly intimate with the person I love. 

I hate that I'm slower than I'd like, I hate that I'm not getting releases out at least weekly (paid ones, anyhow - I definitely overworked before), and I hate that I have to keep delaying shit! Unfortunately, I have no good estimate as to when this is going to pass over, and while I feel I am out of the "awareness" stage of things, I'm now balls-deep in that period where I need to make up new approaches, healthy approaches, to all manner of things.

To this end, I'm going to keep freezing the Patreon until I have a month where I am getting at least the monthly releases and two paid releases out. I really hope that's soon, and things are way better than they used to be, but for instance this week I've lost practically three days of work because for the first time, as an adult man, I've actually had to feel sadness, shame, guilt. Basic human shit you're denied when you're emotionally neglected as a child. (By otherwise lovely people, to make it all the more problematic, because at least if you can outwardly point to abuse, societally-speaking, you can make a case for, "oh, that's why I'm like that.")

This may seem very candid and open, and that's because truly, I don't care about sharing this. I would rather lay out where I'm at, and what's going on, so people don't think I've done a runner or am focussing on other things. Even my commission work is slow as fuck right now, all of it's slow, because I keep having revelations and heavy journal days where all I can think about is how to process stuff that, up until recently, I've responded to with anger and avoidant behaviours.

So yeah! Apologies for slowness, but I love you all, you're great fans, I am going to get there. Just a difficult time of my life, sadly, but this is one of those things that has to be done because I do not want to end up jealous of the successful relationships of my goddamn protagonists.

Sephalla and the triple-futa monthly will be out next week, this I can promise. They're both almost done, and I will update you concerning them on Monday. This month's exclusive will have to be a continuation of the two that are done - for the sake of polls and timing - but hopefully March's will be back to open choice!

I'm going to do weekly posts from now on, to keep in touch, because as much as you are customers you are also people I appreciate, and we share in this thing I do, and it's nice. The support has been wonderful!

Have a lovely day and weekend,

Big love,

Thalaxian

xoxox