Tale #47: The Santa Baby (Gets Lumps of Coal)

Tale #47: The Santa Baby (Gets Lumps of Coal) (Content Tags: Slice of life, holiday fun, wet and messy Goodnites, messy accident, humiliation) Eleven was too old for a boy to still be wetting his bed every night. It was too old for a boy to constantly have skidmarks in his undies. And being eleven was *definitely* too old to still believe in Santa Claus. And yet, those juvenile quirks matched my younger brother to a 'T'. It was totally obnoxious, and not to mention embarrassing, to be sharing a room with the pipsqueak and having to awkwardly explain to my friends why it had a faint pee smell. Landon, the little brother in question, was only two years younger than me, but he might as well have been five years younger or more for how he acted. He was a crybaby and a tattletale, and I was just sick of it. Even recently, he'd tattled on me for staying up late on a school night to play games with my friends online. Having my console taken from me for those three days had given me time to stew in my own spite. I'd had time to reflect on how annoying Landon really was, and on how I wish I could put him in his place. The method on 'how', was the difficult part for me; I could do something simple like twisting his arm or giving him a noogie, but those things were far too ephemeral. I needed to do something that would have lasting effects; something that'd keep him from becoming placated once more with his own infantile actions. The process of deciding what that was came in clues over those three days: First, was when I'd woken up to a much stronger urine smell than what was typical. As was posed to happen every few weeks, Landon had leaked through his Goodnite. Second, was when I was tidying up our room and came across his brown-stained briefs, just lying on the floor in front of the dresser. Third, was when we'd gone to the mall with our older sister to do some Christmas shopping and Landon had begged to get in line to sit on Santa's lap. Seeing all the toddlers, and how my brother was the oldest one in line by a margin of at least three years, had started to turn the gears in my head. When we'd neared the front of the line, the little boy ahead of us had ended up loudly pooping his pants while on Santa's lap, likely out of nervousness. I'd watched his mother apologize to the mall Santa and pick the boy back up, the bottom of his sweatpants bulging and staining with the evidence of his lacking bowel control. She'd said something to the effect of him not being quite ready for big boy pants, and joking that maybe Santa could bring him some diapers for Christmas. That'd sealed it for me. I knew exactly what I needed to do to get back at my baby brother, and I had a good feeling about what it'd do to teach him a lesson. If Landon wanted to be a big baby that still believed in something as childish as Santa Claus, then I'd just have to use that to my advantage! I began to sow the seeds of doubt in his mind soon after. Every opportunity that arose, whenever Landon was doing something immature or annoying, I'd make a remark about how Santa was watching him and how easily he could end up on the jolly man's naughty list. I made sure to also specify that the bedwetting, the skidmarks, and the tattling were all very naughty things, and that if he wasn't careful, then he'd end up with a stocking full of coal or worse. Landon tried to act like he didn't believe me, but I could see from the way he'd nibble his lower lip, that at least some small part of him believed my lies. His confidence in himself was beginning to wane, and I even heard him ask our mom if she thought he'd been naughty or nice this year. She floundered a little in her response, and that made me smile. I'd already talked to our older sister, Lynn, about the idea that I had for Landon, though I'd made sure to candy coat things in such a way that it sounded just. I pointed more at the endless bedwetting and the fact that his briefs all looked soiled, even though he'd been chastised countless times over them by our mother. Only when Lynn seemed to genuinely consider it, did I toss in how he was also a crybaby and a tattletale that'd gotten *both* of us in trouble throughout the year. Once Lynn was on board, it was easier to get her to go talk to our parents about the matter; it was far more likely that they'd take the idea under consideration if they thought it was hers instead of mine. They ended up agreeing to let it happen, hoping that the little push from 'Santa' might help to sort their youngest son out a bit. Perfect. By keeping my words devoid of too much bitterness, and by using a proxy for my parents, I now had a completely sanctioned 'prank' for Landon on Christmas morning. I went out to take care of getting the 'gift' myself, and I picked up a pacifier while I was at it, since it represented the other area of my baby brother's faults. Diapers for his insufficient toileting and a pacifier for being a crybaby tattletale. Wrapped with care and stowed away in secret, with a little 'letter from Santa' about being a big boy. I made sure to have my sister do that part, since my own handwriting was too atrocious to be fooling anybody. That night, on Christmas eve, I smiled smugly while I listened to my little brother excitedly theorizing what Santa would bring him. I made sure to bring up what I'd already been telling him, about how he might be on the naughty list this year, but he brushed me off. Landon was too giddy to give in to my pessimism. I went to sleep while daydreaming about what Landon's reaction would be in the morning. All the times that he'd ratted on me, it was all about to be paid back in full. Perhaps even in full 'diapers'. I fell asleep with a big smile on my face, and I dreamt of better things than just sugarplum fairies. Landon, as he did every Christmas, acted as my alarm clock. Just like for Saturday morning cartoons, the boy woke up earlier than usual, without any assistance, and he shook me to get me up too. "It's Christmas, we gotta to see what Santa brought us!" He happily chirped, bouncing up and down on his feet, his soggy Goodnites sagging against his pajama pants. "Get up, get up, get up!" A big yawn erupted from me and I started to sit up. I stretched my arms and rubbed at my eyes, taking a moment to get the sleep out of them. "Hold on just a minute...Don't you want to change or anything, puddle-pants?" "Nooo! That can wait until afterwards!" I let out a snicker and slid out of bed, "Fine, fine, if you're in that much of a hurry to see all the coal you got." Landon grabbed my arm and nearly popped it out of its socket with how fervently he was trying to pull me along. "Nuh-uh. You'll see! If anyone is gonna get coal, it'd be *you*, since you act naughty so much." We made our way down the stairs, the living room dim except for the majestic glow of the Christmas tree. It'd probably take a little while before anyone else woke up to join us, since it was still a little dark outside. The two of us sat down in front of the tree, where dozens of wrapped packages awaited, each with a tag to denote which one belonged to who. We each grabbed a gift with our nane written on it and got started. The 'special' gift from Santa was way in the back, and the pacifiers were something that I'd convinced Lynn to stuff in his stocking, since that part hadn't exactly been sanctioned by mom and dad. Landon was excited over each gift that he unwrapped, accumulating a pile of things that he'd written on his list for Santa. My own present pile was getting large as well, though my wishlist had been directly made for our parents to use, instead of pretending that it was getting sent to the north pole. About halfway through, Lynn came down the stairs to join us. Her presents were fewer, though they were also more expensive in nature; I kept exchanging knowing looks with her, and we kept leering at the swollen sag of our little brother's pajamas. It was amazing that Landon could happily sit there in his own sopping Goodnite, completely unfazed by the feeling; perhaps he'd actually enjoy the extended capacity of his new diapers? The time finally came for the present in the back, but Lynn stopped Landon from grabbing it just yet. Instead she pointed toward the stockings that were strung up and mentioned that a paper was poking out of the one that belonged to Landon. The younger boy gasped and toddled quickly over to the fireplace to retrieve his stocking. "Maybe Santa wrote me a letter!" "Wow, yeah! Maybe 'he' did." I encouraged with a wicked grin. Landon pulled the paper out and unrolled it, without looking down at what his stocking was full of. The boy's eyes began to move left to right down the page, and his expression started to sour, like he'd been punched in the gut. "N-naughty?! A tattletale and a crybaby?! Still wetting the bed and leaving my undies dirty?!" Each written accusation led his jaw to drop further, and by the end of the letter, he was looking down at it with tears starting to form in his eyes. "Uh-oh, looks like I was right, huh? That all that stuff would get you put on the naughty list? I guess all the stuff *I* did over the year wasn't all that bad, it was you tattling on me that was bad!" I snickered, before gesturing at the stocking. "Better check for coal, baby bro!" Landon gulped and grabbed his stocking. He tilted the sock upside down shook it, letting anything inside drop out. What came out was related to the letter he'd just read: baby powder, baby wipes, diaper rash cream, and multiple pacifiers. I couldn't help but start to laugh, not yet realizing that only about half the set of pacifiers I'd bought had made their way into his stocking. "Uh-oh! Looks like Santa really isn't happy with you! And I think you still have a present under the tree, too!" Landon rubbed his eyes with his sleeve and came back toward the tree. He was clearly shaken up by the big twist, but hopeful that his stocking had been the only disappointment he'd have to shoulder today. He crawled under the tree to pull out the remaining package, but he came back out with two. "...There's still one for you too." He mumbled, pushing it toward me. I shook my head, "You can go first. My last present can wait." Landon sat on his knees and began to unwrap the last of his gifts. I'd pulled out my phone to get a video of the unboxing, so I could capture the absolutely destroyed look on his face when he saw what was in there for him. With each scrap of paper that was sheared away by his fingers, the contents of the gift became more readily apparent. Then he tore away the biggest remaining piece and his eyes bulged at the sight of what Santa had gotten for him, or more accurately, what *I* had gotten for him. "These are...D-diapers?!" The shock of betrayal was too much, and while he stared down at the glistening packaging of youth sized diapers, a rapid crackling came from the back of his soggy Goodnites. This part was a total surprise for me too, and I shifted my camera toward the back of his pajamas, just in time to watch a large lump form in the back. He'd been so impacted by the prank that he'd literally crapped in his pants! Well, those diapers would come in handy for sure, now! The load was quick to escape, but a sputtering revealed that it was a pantload in multiple parts, and his Goodnite bulged to accommodate the 'lumps of coal' that Landon was leaving. "Ugh, I think we should probably bust one of those out. Landon just pooped his pants!" Lynn snapped out of her own surprise and shook her head, "Yeah, but first, you should go ahead and open *your* present too." That was right, I still had a gift to open! I looked down and wondered what it could possibly be; I'd already gotten everything else on my list. After a few moments of tearing away the paper, it was my own turn to be shocked, just as our parents were coming out to join us. "W-what the...!" "Y-you got diapers too!" Landon announced, his eyes pink and puffy from openly sobbing, but his mood beginning to perk up from the sight of what I was getting. He was absolutely right. The package was a size up from his, but it was otherwise the same humiliating thing that I'd made him endure. I whipped my head around to glare at Lynn, who only smirked broadly in return. "...I bet you got a letter from Santa too. About being nicer to your little brother, I'm assuming." I rushed over and dumped out my stocking, realizing that it was full of the same stuff that had been in Landon's, which included a letter from 'Santa'. I quickly perused the paper that had clearly been written by my sister and felt my blood boil as I was lambasted for acting so juvenile, with a special commentary toward what I'd pulled for this in particular. I then realized that Lynn had played me from the start. She'd seen through my lies about simply wanting Landon to behave, and had realized I was wanting to humiliate him over still believing in Santa Claus. Whenever she'd brought my idea to our parents, she must have added that after the year I'd had of getting in trouble and fighting with Landon, that I too needed a kick in the rear from 'Old Saint Nick'. I at least didn't soil myself like Landon had, but I did begin to cry and fuss like a little kid. Lynn let out a laugh, having been holding her own phone up to capture this 'home movie'. "I think it might be time to get the boys diapered up. Santa's orders after all!"