Confused about my path

Wow, this kinda hit me out of nowhere. I really do hope you would consider getting treatment, even if it feels futile. I didn't think therapy would work for me and in the end I didn't think it met my expectations, but I realized just venting about my mundane routines to someone gave me deeper introspection into myself. In an odd way, it helped that I vented to a stranger instead of someone close, because I know they can't actively judge me when I'm not around them. Even if the medicines do just correct a chemical imbalance, it will help numb out the constant self-deprecating thoughts and give room for better ones grow. It's not the end-all be-all solution, but it is a good crutch to give you a chance to experience what other people have been experiencing. As for feeling lonely, I can't give much advice on that. I feel like I'm somehow in a higher state of coping since I've basically came to terms with being asexual/aromantic. However, I feel like this developed as an internal defense strategy over years of emotional detachment from others in grade school. I'm sorry I can't provide any more on this. Maybe this part can be eased after moving to Canada? I sincerely hope you found some solace after this post. Over the past five years of edging on whether I want to be a part of the fandom, your art might be the thing that makes me finally want to make a sona and move on from the purgatory. Or should I say, furgatory?

I'm sick aof the "it'll get better" or "just believe" shit too. It's completely tone deaf and totally dismisses very real issues. I think you're assuming you know more than a professional in a way though; by assuming what exactly the treatments are for or what exact practices they have to help. They have the combined knowledge of all of humanity's research on the mind over the span of hundreds of years at least. Try a few out, just get some opinions. It's an option you should at least explore before writing it off

I just wanted to chime in and say I have at least some idea of what you’re going through and have been dealing with similar thoughts/feelings especially this last year. I hope you know that we all love and cherish your art and you as a person, and would definitely feel the loss if either were to cease to exist. I also know the ineffectiveness of some of the platitudes that come from people that have never dealt with crippling depression/anxiety and so won’t parrot them to you here, but merely would merely like to say that I, like all of your other patrons i’m sure, am here for you if you need anything, even if it’s just a sympathetic ear. Sending much love your way 🙂.

Ben

What you are describing is exactly what I feel too. 25 myself, working in a job that's killing me, scared of the future and getting older. Worried that I will be alone forever. I have found that these feelings don't go away by themselves. You need to share and talk to people who feel the way you do. Sharing makes it easier and its soo cool that you are able to share this with the people here. My advice to you would just be to talk to people.. It sucks, but it works.. You are not alone, many feel the same way, and would be happy to talk to you. I also want to say that the comic you made with maid Marion dressing leto up as a princess hit me hard, it reminded me om some things and made me re-think some decisions that I'm about to make.. Anyway. I won't go on a rant here. I wish you well and hope you find someone to at least talk to, and go get a hug, people aren't that far away. Love from Tromsø.

Hey Leto, I know it's tough some times. I know it hurts when things aren't going well. This world of art you created to escape real pain, it's not just nothing. You have developed real skills. Your art can be genuine and about beautiful fantasy and you can bring real joy. Escapism never made you a fake person, and the joy you bring in the world has ripples out, every good thing, every bad thing, every choice we make influences someone else's life. Beyond the conventional measures of success that is real. You did a good, and you are nice. Anxiety never goes away, we learn to cope with it, we can cope in healthy ways, we can cope in painful ways, we can survive. You can do this, and there are good things out there, it's not always fair, but one good deed, one sweet thought, one honest moment at a time, you make it all better. Everyone that tries to make things better for other people has an influence, even if it is tiny. We are all tiny, but every effort matters. This can be your legacy, because at some point grains of sand become a sand dune, and in the moment it's hard to see what we have done. On the note of your medical concerns too: chemical imbalances in the brain can be caused by a lot of things. Traumatic experiences can cause very real harm even if no one 'hurt you' in more obvious ways. I'm not going to harp on you about how you need to go see someone. But you shouldn't belittle your emotional injuries and anxieties, those are real, they're in your head yes. But importantly they are in your head like bad code, they hurt you in real ways, bring down your health and a lot of other things. It's a real medical condition.

Triss

Leto, you are just 25 years old. You are still really young XD Don't look at others and make assumptions that they started their families, their careers and everything is peachy like a 1970's family sitcom where the most 'troublesome' thing is changing a babies diaper. There is a LOT that happens behind closed doors, my boss with 3 ex-wives can assure you that. Besides, it sounds like the problem isn't going into your future, it really sounds like you are struggling with your past. Moving on doesn't remove the past, don't fool yourself into thinking it will. Lastly, don't be afraid to escape, escapeful fantasy IS PART OF LIFE! Fantasy exists for you to enjoy it, yeah, reality sucks but that's why you escape. Playing games, fantasizing about worlds, even hanging out with friends is an escape. All of entertainment in every avenue is designed for people to escape, fantasy is part of reality (It just isn't reality). And I get it, I'm "a creep" that plays around a lot. But I'm not stupid and have a solid grasp on reality, another reason why I escape in fantasy lot. But if you give me a chance, you'd be surprised on how much I offer.

Navos

Never measure your self to those around you. As long as you can find joy in what you do then it doesn't matter if thats not what other people do. I would suggest finding a support group or someone to talk to. It is never a sign a defeat to seek help. We each have different struggles and all of our minds handle things in different ways. Both me and my husband would hate to see you stop drawing, we love your work. But it is important to do what is best for you over all else. If walking away will help you in life then well miss you but understand.

Fritz_Coon

For what it matters, as I am but a lowly lonely doggo, know you are not alone in your struggles and to not discount others in person or otherwise. There are a lot of great comments. Some of your pieces have been really gripping as the sentiment hits home. Coping with terrible anxiety and thoughts which make it hard to talk to anyone gets to a point wjere it feeds on itself. My retreat from the mindset was to work and keep my mind entertained, but ultimately it just shoved everything of. Im by far no expert as I still struggle. Even writing this I feel like I will just make a fool of myself somehow, but i understand the loop and feel compelled to try and do something to try and lend a paw to someone in need. Knowing others out there have relatable experiences and feelings has helped me. That notion has led to some more confidence to help supress the worry and join activity goups and things I otherwise wouldnt. And led me to have experiences I otherwise wouldnt.

Alexi Civitas

I too have dealt with depression Leto, in fact I distinctly remember planning my suicide when I was 15. I’m nearly thirty now. Life constantly changes, so please don’t give up on it because you are just losing the opportunity for it to get better. <3

Medications are generally an adjunct therapy..they're intended to lessen the effects of depression and anxiety, while other forms of therapy help you work through the causative issues. Neither is an immediate cure. They can both help, even if the causative issue is something tangible. Change isn't easy..its one of those things you have to set in motion yourself. The good news is that depression, anxiety, and loneliness are incredibly common amongst people. As such, there have been many developments tailored to helping people who experience them. A therapist can help guide you to them. Trying to find a provider can be distressing at first..but once you work with them for a while they become less scary. Finding one you feel comfortable with is a good first step. After that you won't have to do it alone.

Cygnus

Leto, I thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I hope the mere notion that you have so many people by your side will help, even if just a tiny little bit. The only piece of advice I can offer from a distance is that medical help does play a role. Meds and treatment are a real thing because anxiety and depression are diseases like any other. It's definitely NOT a matter of just changing someone's attitude, but rather fight symptoms and work on the causes. I've been taking antidepressants for a couple of years (my husband too), but it only works well coupled with therapy or something like that. You did mention you don't feel comfortable about discussing these things with other people, but what I can say about psychologists is that they're professionals trained for precisely that activity. Again, you said many people have suggested that you seek help, and that the causes are underlying on physical affection and the like. Again, that's something a psychologist can help you with, maybe by helping you find out some pathways that are clouded at the moment. Thank you so much for being with us, for sharing the worlds you create. In such a mad age, I can't help but smile with every notification of new stuff you come up with. May your path lead you to warm sands, my friend.

Raf

If it makes you feel any better, I recently left the Zootopia fandom because I too felt stressed and depressed because all people know me as someone who pissed certain people off and no one noticed me so I made the choice to leave. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I truly understand how you feel, Leto. Most of my life has been tough, and right now I’m in college, and I’m not even sure if the path I want to take will become the path I will take. I really wish that there was a way for me to help you Leto, I really do. I know you keep hearing this from me, but we will never leave you. If by some chance that we cross paths in the future, I wish to help you in anyway I can. But being online, my help is limited to supporting and talking to you. If at any point you wish to talk, please don’t be afraid to contact me because I know a thing or two about stuff like this, and I really like helping people to the best I can. Please take it easy and I hope to talk/see you again online soon.

Bmanlegoboy

The more you live life the more you see you arent alone in your struggles. If you want to change the world, its easy just look at where you are and where you want to be, see what steps you need to get there and go. The hard part is changing everyones world . At the end of the day your emotions are there demonstrating you have a wonderful kind heart who cares, youd rather help others and look up at them as you help rather than see yourself like the amazing people you see. You are doing some great work, youve spent your life practicing your art, your career is you being a professional artist. Your art is viewed by hundreds upon thousands of people. You have a fan base that would love to meet you and in general you seem like an awesome guy. Heres a tip though you cant change the world we are in but how we perceive the world is our world and that perception is easily changed if we want to change it. Heck im weird I love the rain, i can stand there getting soaked and i breath in smelling everything as it gets enhanced by the rain, i slow down, breath slower, feel my body, the rain on each drop hitting my clothes and skin, my breath warming and cooling as i breath in and out, with each step I feel the soaked clothes tug at me. You can concentrate on the big picture and you can concentrate on the small one. But its not always clear which one you are looking at. It is like a finger pointing its way to the moon, dont concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory. Life is about balance but rather than trying to go faster spend a day with no goals in mind, no objectives, nothing just put one foot infront of the other and just feel everything. Share your gifts, share your passions, share your dreams, your ambitions and live life how you want to live it. Human success is not how many things weve achieved, those are but the final page of a chapter, the true success of humanity is to keep trying, we strive on failure and hardship, in those times we test ourself and forge ourselves a new, each time crushing to ourselves, with small pieces changing, becoming more defined, chipping off the surface to reveal who we are, what we are and who and what we stand for. Our failures give us the opportunity to try again, its ourselves that hold ourselves to the mark and push ourselves to keep trying. If life was easy it wouldnt be worth living. A scientist lives for failures but his project dies each time he succeeds. It took over 1000 attempts to make a light bulb, but when they asked him what happened he said i found 1000 ways of how not to make a lightbulb and it only took 1 to make it work. In each time we fail we learn, we failed what we wanted to achieved but we succeeded in another step in our lives, another breath until our last. Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you are to live forever. You are the one who can change your world, there will be those who will hinder you and those who will support you but beyond all that the hardest enemy you will ever face is yourself and its a fight you may have to battle often but the rewards when you finally succeed are beyond measure. I truly wish you the best of luck in your journey, and just remember we are all equal, all incredibly valuable and are all capable of incredible things, we just need the spark to achieve it and the drive to keep that flame lit. God speed and keep on being amazing

Shiro-kitsune

I didn't mean marriage and kids is the only thing that makes you successfull in life, I ment I want that to ensure my legacy will carry on in future generations, I don't want my kind of generation to end with me, I don't want that kind of responsibility / guilt...

Leto

I wish - like so many others I’m sure - that there was something to be done to help. I will say one thing though - the idea that one has to get married and have kids or a family in order to be considered successful or living life correctly isn’t true. We won’t all have kids or a family and that’s perfectly okay. There is no one path to a successfully lived life. I don’t know the right things to say but in my mind, you are a professional when it comes to your art, which is why I and others are more than happy to pay you for your awesome work. You’re also such a kind heart, and you have made an impact in the world - much more so than I probably ever will - by sharing with us your wonderful art. I know you’ve probably heard it a thousand times but no matter what, we all love you and wish you the best.

Skiffer Blackpaw

No matter where you go, what jobs you have, who you're with, the greatest challenge is making friends with the Man in the Mirror. A wise man once told me "Once you've come to terms with the man in the mirror, you will be unstoppable." And that is the hardest thing in the world to do. Looking at yourself and accepting who you are despite all the mistakes and imperfections. There is no destination- it's a journey. And, Leto, you are worth the journey. I wish I could give you some strength to help you along the way.

JarOfRats