Trish's Shop sketch, and exploring darker characters

Trish sees off a regular customer at his shop, a Pyroar jock who wouldn't know a honeypot if it slapped him in the face. Four times he's shown up, asking about "Miss Trisha's pick-me-up potion," and four times it's been just a little bit more addictive, so he keeps comin' back. That's the beginning of a good relationship, right?

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Just a fun sketch! I wanted to draw his butt and then it became more than that.I'm trying to push myself to populate my art with an actual scene, not just a character in a void, and also to consider the perspective when I draw. This feels very successful in both departments!

I've also been thinking a lot about this character and what it means for me to have him... I hope you guys don't mind some rambling!

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Trish was always meant to be a very explicit portrayal of the trap trope. I always meant for him to lure people in, to deceive them, to use his presentation and his body, and to abuse people's assumptions about both. He is a trickster, through and through. As a character that we consume, he's meant to appeal to a desire to be toyed with, to have control taken away, and occasionally to be humiliated. He sees these base wants (whether they are actually there or not), and tries to tend to them. Trish is an intricately woven predator.

But to be honest with you, I got so caught up on the fear of backlash for being public about the trap part, specifically, that I forgot all of those other parts of his character. I had thought of them and written them down - I posted that first image of him publicly the other day, and I even put in one of the descriptions that you should watch any food or drink he gives you - but there's so much controversy around even the word trap that it blinded me, and apparently others too.

I got a little bit of backlash (thankfully not much) for calling him this "bad word," and for entertaining this "gross trope," but implying he'll drug you to get what he wants has yet to get any attention. I guess I could have made it more clear, and maybe it would. Maybe it's just coincidence. But as it is, it's really making me think about how we see characters like this, and about the way that Trish's body gets labeled creates more scandal than his general disregard for consent.

Okay, this is apparently a lot of rambling. Have something cute.

That's better.

...

I'm going to embrace the fact that Trish is predatory.

I'm going to be very clear that that's what he's about, not only for others, so they can decide how to interact with it (Trish is the trickster, after all, not me)... but also for myself. His personality was a very deliberate choice. I think some part of me was just afraid to admit that until now.

A few years ago I was very against stuff like this, because all of my peers were, and I was impressionable, and I was too afraid to open my mouth and say that thought differently than they did. I deeply regret it, because I think my silence has lead to some people assuming that I still feel the same way I said I did over 5 years ago, when I was louder. But I just... don't.

Going against this idea that people have about me is kind of scary, but as time goes on I feel less and less fear, and more and more frustration, like I'm just stifling myself for no reason. I didn't really want to make characters like this before, so it wasn't an issue, but now I do, and it is.

So I'm just going to do what I feel is right, now.

I want to explore things that are exciting to me. I love fiction, because it gives me the freedom to do that! I don't think actually drugging people so you can conduct invasive experiments on them is okay, of course not - but a story lets me explore the thrill of that on my own terms. I share it with you guys because I know that I'm not the only person who can see things that way. Sometimes it's just interesting, sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's both, or something entirely different. Stories allow us to explore all kinds of things that would be dangerous or traumatic in any other setting...

I guess you can see that I've been thinking about this for a long time, haha.

For what it's worth, I have no desire to do go dark "just for the sake of it." In 3 months or 6 months or a year, some of my art may be very explicit/hard/dark, I'm not sure, but I promise I have no desire to create "shock-value" content. Everything I have planned is deliberate, if also self-indulgent and likely quite casual more often than not. I feel like I've grown enough to approach all of this with some respect and nuance, though; both around the subjects themselves, and regarding people who don't care for them.

Mainly, I think I'm just tired of pretending to be someone I'm not.And yes, I see the irony in saying that alongside Trish, hahaha.

And I think I'll call it there... I've been meaning to make this post for a month or so, and I finally got tired of putting it off. I feel like I might not be the only person who struggles with this sort of thing, so I'd love to hear what you guys think.

Most importantly, thank you if you read all of this <3 I have another character I'd like to build for these reasons, so I will probably share him very soon, too.