The Strongest Sorcerer, Chapter 63: Go Die, You Dead-Fish Eyes

Time flew by, and soon, it was already Friday.

When Gojo Satoru returned to the office, he was greeted by the sight of Hiratsuka Shizuka scolding Hikigaya Hachiman.

“Oh? Isn’t this Dead-Fish Eyes-kun? What did you do this time to get dragged here by Shizuka again?”

Sitting comfortably in his chair, Gojo teased with a playful grin.

—STARE—

Hikigaya Hachiman shot a deadpan glare at the white-haired teacher.

“So, you acknowledge that I have dead-fish eyes, and now you’re just straight-up calling me Dead-Fish Eyes-kun? I have a name, you know—Hikigaya Hachiman.”

He retorted dryly.

“All right, all right, Satoru,” Shizuka interrupted, waving her hand dismissively before turning back to her troublesome student.

“So? Have you given it some thought? Are you joining a club or not?”

“No way, Hiratsuka-sensei.”

Hikigaya Hachiman’s resistance was written all over his face as he rejected her outright.

“Besides, I already have a club.”

“A club?” Shizuka raised an eyebrow, confused.

As far as she knew, this kid hadn’t joined any clubs.

“The Going-Home Club.”

“……So hurry up and pick a real club already.”

“Still a no.”

Watching the two bicker back and forth, Gojo sipped his coffee with an amused smile.

Then suddenly, as if struck by inspiration, his eyes lit up.

Rummaging under his desk, he pulled out a rather pristine-looking student handbook.

“Hey, Dead-Fi— ahem—Hikigaya-kun.”

Gojo interrupted their debate, catching Hachiman’s attention.

“You were definitely about to call me Dead-Fish Eyes-kun again, weren’t you?! I know it!”

Hachiman shot back instantly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Gojo said nonchalantly before flipping open the handbook to the first page.

“Hikigaya-kun, it clearly states here that students must join a club~ Especially second-year students. If you don’t, we’ll have to call your parents.”

To prove his point, Gojo handed the handbook over.

Taking it, Hachiman scanned the first few lines, and sure enough, the first rule explicitly stated what Gojo had just said.

His eyebrows scrunched into a tight frown.

Hikigaya Hachiman had never actually read the student handbook before—when it was distributed last year, he hadn’t even bothered to open it.

“Tch, how annoying.”

Scratching the back of his head, he let out a frustrated sigh.

“So, you have to join a club. After all, you wouldn’t want little Komachi to find out her dear big brother is a clubless, socially inept loser, right?”

Gojo grinned devilishly, crossing his legs like some sort of final boss.

The cold sweat running down Hachiman’s back intensified.

The thought of his cute little sister looking at him with disappointment—unacceptable!

Without hesitation, he dropped into a full dogeza bow.

“Please let me join a club.”

“Sure thing~” Gojo agreed, still grinning.

But catching Shizuka’s puzzled expression, he discreetly winked at her, signaling not to expose him.

Once Hachiman left, promising to return after school, Shizuka turned to Gojo with a curious look.

Sitting on his lap in a straddling position—since they were the only two in the office—she tilted her head.

“Satoru, I don’t recall the student handbook ever saying students must join a club.”

“Heh, take a look at what year this handbook is from.”

Gojo smirked as he handed it to her.

Opening it, Shizuka immediately noticed the cover: Academic Year 2010.

“Pfft—Hachiman is going to curse you if he finds out.”

She couldn’t help but laugh.

Using a handbook from 2010 to trick a student in 2022—yep, that was peak Gojo Satoru behavior.

“C’mon, Shizuka~ I did this for you, and you’re saying he’d curse me instead?”

Gojo put on a pitiful expression.

“Boohoo, so unfair…”

“...Yeah, yeah. But could you maybe stop groping me while complaining?”

Shizuka rolled her eyes.

Two rather restless hands were sneakily roaming over her body, sending small tingles up her spine.

“Hehe.”

....

After School.

Hikigaya Hachiman stood outside the door, hesitating.

His right hand hovered mid-air, debating whether or not to knock.

Once he knocked, there would be no turning back—he’d have to join a club.

Damn it, this was a tough choice!

“Hikigaya-kun, you wouldn’t want little Komachi to find out her big brother is a socially awkward loner with no club, would you?”

A ghostly voice whispered in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

Reflexively, he blurted out, “Ah—no way! That’d never happen!”

Wait—hold on—how did anyone even know about Komachi?!

Snapping his head around, he saw none other than that conniving white-haired bastard of a teacher.

“…Sensei, how do you even know about Komachi?”

Hachiman narrowed his eyes, now on high alert.

He was certain he’d never once mentioned his little sister at school.

“Aiyaa, don’t sweat the details~”

And before he could react, Gojo grabbed him by the collar, swung the door open, and cheerfully announced:

“Shizuka~ Look who I caught—a Dead-Fish-Eyed Student!”

Calling me Dead-Fish Eyes was one thing.

But could you please put me down?!

Suspended midair by his collar, Hikigaya Hachiman had already given up on life.

A brief exchange later, Gojo sat back, sipping his coffee, while Shizuka guided Hachiman through picking a club.

But no matter how many options she listed, his response was always the same:

“That club sounds nice. But I still choose the Going-Home Club.”

Finally, Shizuka lost her patience.

Her face darkened as she clenched her fist.

“Go. Die. You. Dead-Fish Eyes.”

—SMACK—

“OW! I’M SORRY, HIRATSUKA-SENSEI! I’LL CHOOSE, I SWEAR!”

Rubbing the sore bump on his head, Hachiman reluctantly scanned the club list.

But after going through all of them, he realized—none of them suited him.

Watching his pained expression, Shizuka sipped her coffee and calmly reached a conclusion.

Maybe… that club would be perfect for him.

“Hikigaya.”

“Ah?”

Hachiman looked up in confusion.

“Come with me.”

“Do I have to?”

Hachiman frowned. He had a really bad feeling about this.

“Hmm? (raises fist)”

“I’LL GO! PLEASE TAKE ME THERE!”

Clasping his hands together, Hachiman desperately pleaded.

There was no way he wanted to endure another punch.