March 2025 Summary

Okay folks, time to sum up what happened in March, finally.

March was quite a contrasted month. It started off surprisingly productive, I did two Lupo Alberto artworks and finished three old artworks from 2020 with Volk, all had quite a plenty of edits. Also I finished one of my pixel animation WIPs with Zed Vector in Apple II style and drew a NES pixel art with him being fat. It felt promising and I expected second half of the month to be the same productive with the total summary of the month being really groundbreaking compared to the past months (even though 5 works and animation was already a good level by recent standards) but then something broke in me.

It's hard to tell what was the exact reason of such a drastic decline of productivity. There could be many reasons.

- My sleeping schedule got completely fucked. I just can't stop going to sleep earlier than 4-6am and waking up at 1-3pm, sleep schedule shifts happened to me sometimes but this one is really bad. It's so stupid, I actually FEEL sleepy at that time and could put myself to sleep earlier but my brain is like saying "No, you need to find something to get yourself busy until 4am". And I'm not like those people who get used to it easily and just shift their working time to night and feel comfortable with it. First, I feel weak, worn out, sleepy and lazy because of this. Second, I'm more prone to procrastination and distracting myself at night, it's that "Well, I have to go sleep soon anyway so what's the point to even start working" state. Days literally feel shorter that way, my life is much better when I actually wake up early, I feel more fresh and energetic, but sadly it's very hard to maintain this schedule, mostly because most of my online friends are Americans and they become very active exactly when it's night in my timezone, and due to my lack of self control and the urge to communicate with people I can't resist the temptation to answer people which often ends with staying up late.

- I got a bit carried away with irl inflation. Worn out state like this makes perfect conditions for procrastination and distracting yourself with stress-relieving passive pleasures and obviously sexual practices is one of the most common. I was practicing inflation for more than a decade since teenage but put it on halt for nearly 5 years since becoming furry artist in 2020 until just recently when I suddenly became pretty good at it and learned to receive real pleasure from it again. It was more balanced in December-February as I still had enough sexual energy and time for art but, as I said, worn out state made me a bit more addicted to this kind of practice, I even revived my old Twitter account, it was actually my FIRST account because I was inflating and showing myself off online long before making 18+ art but after I created new one for art the irl one got abandoned for nearly 5 years. Now becoming so good at inflation gave me back my motivation for taking photos and recording videos so I thought maybe it's time to share this part of my life with the world again. I guess it's okay to have a sexual life besides just beating your meat to art, take rest and let some steam out, especially when you live alone and never had a partner, I just think it took a bit too much of my life time in March, now I'm trying to balance it out more.

- Those first two reasons were the main ones but I can also mention a couple of more minor factors that made those two weeks worse. First is what I can call a "Snowball Anxiety" effect when things get worse because they get worse, if that makes sense. I mean, when I feel bad I can't solve problems and because I can't solve them things get worse and it worsens my capability to solve problems even more. It's mainly related to my online social life the most. The mentioned sleep problem and other problems leave me with very little time for actually being productive and I'm trying to save as much of that time as possible. One of the most obvious ways is to not answer people and cut my activity in socials which I did a lot recently. But first, it makes it more painful when you try to get back and have to answer a shit ton of messages from numerous people and the worse it gets the harder it is to force yourself to start digging into this pile of mail. And second, I actually want to talk to my friends and the fact I have to ignore most of them and stay alone because I'm stressed, slow, unproductive and have to force myself to work makes my situation even worse. It's not that terrible but it's like an extra black cloud of bad thoughts about people I want to answer and people I HAVE to answer which increases my anxiety, that feeling of guilt and debt.

- And, idk, maybe it's also just a spring acclimatization, many people get sick at that time, I actually didn't because I barely get outside and my chances to catch any infection are low but maybe my body just went through some stress during that winter-spring transition. Also the weather was pretty moody and maybe lacking sunlight and physical activity for 4 months had its toll on me, not to mention I was barely going outside in March, only short grocery trips to nearby store. April still looks a bit gray but it already seems like the nature finally starts waking up and so do I, I feel like I'm getting a bit better, the last two days were more productive and I even managed to get some good sleep at last.

What else to say about March? As a stupid anxious introvert I was afraid to check my Patreon all this time out of shame and now when I finally came to post new art I saw that I lost 4 patrons. Well, it's sad to witness such a decline but with all the lack of activity I think I deserved it. Not sure if I manage to catch up and get those numbers back in April but I'll try.

I have some plans for April and I hope I won't mess it up with my mental and physical state again. I already managed to make 4skin Day art in time (almost) even though it cost me one sleepless night and I actually didn't plan to make anything special for it, and now there's Easter in April 20 which I had some ideas for, I guess I need to start preparing to it much earlier, maybe in April 10 if I don't want to torture myself with all-night drawing again.

Also I'm gonna finish new commission featuring my freaky fetishes very soon which will become a turning point in my life as I want to finally make an AD account on Furaffinity for this and share all my filthy kinks more widely with the world, so, some posting and organization work awaits me. I also have an old Lycaon artwork that got long time stuck on a line art stage, I hope I finish it this month as well, I plan to get back to it right after the comm as some sort of a compensation for those who don't share the same tastes for freaky transformations with me and wanted to finally see some sexy inflated guys.

As always, I'm very thankful to all people who keep supporting me no matter what, even with 4 patrons being lost in March I still have a plenty of folks who're still here, your patience and devotion mean a lot to me!