Creator Blog: What It Takes To Be "Batman"

Gday monkeys. Here I am with another fun, juicy little blog, letting you peek behind the curtain of my life as a creator.  :)

So, I keep my personal "real" life out of the spotlight when it comes to this channel. I keep it all about the content, the audios, the community. The nature of my channel is fantasy... it's make believe, it's role play.  And I've always wanted to make sure that I was able to maintain that "fantasy" for my community; after all, that's what they're there for. Escape. They don't want to think of "Ben" as a real guy with a mortgage, car payments, a wife and kids, or whatever. They want him to be the magical, kind, compassionate, quirky boyfriend that saves the day in one way or another and is always there for them, and that's exactly what he is....exactly what he does.

All that said, there are a lot of ASMR role play creators I've found who will tweet or disclose a lot of their personal struggles and situations, "breaking character" so to speak. I've admired this in some ways, for the vulnerability and honesty of it. I've never quite been able to do that myself, and I guess maybe a lot of it is because I want to maintain the "hero" front; to be strong, a place of strength and constant security. I know so many of my listeners struggle with anxiety, stress, depression... and my "character" is a place they turn to for refuge. I've never wanted to burden them with the thought of their hero being weak.

And you know what I'm finding...?  This has backfired a little on me, I think.  I think I've become a little too good at convincing my Tribe I'm superhuman, and it's started to feel like my "humanness" has indeed been forgotten. Not by everyone... matter of fact, the overwhelming majority of my Tribe is soooo kind, so thoughtful, sooo encouraging. So patient.

But can I be a little brave today...? And be like.... super honest? (I'm not good at doing this! Everything in me wants to put on the Batman mask and just not go there. But I need to.)  There's a percentage of my subscribers that are unpleasable... insatiable. There are people who comment on every single video, asking about a particular series or continuation.... pressuring me and nagging me to do XYZ.  And of course, I love the excitement of my Tribe. I want you guys to be eager, to crave the next episode. I thrive on that, to a degree.

But for that small percentage, it's never enough. When I finally do announce the continuation of the series they've been begging for... they comment not with a "thank you!" but rather, "will XYZ series also be continuing soon??"  It's an immediate request for more. And again, this is where my humanness really wells up... because I don't think anyone in the 12,000+ members of this Tribe will ever know how much goes into keeping this channel running.  What it takes to go 2 years and not once miss a Monday upload.

In the last two years I've traveled like a billion miles for work, been on countless planes, been in countless hotels; I've been through a horrendous breakup that nearly cost me my sanity, I've moved, grieved the death of a friend....  and have never posted about any of it, and have never missed an upload.  I don't say that to "brag", hell I don't care about that. I guess I say it for my own sanity a bit, today... to reassure myself that I indeed "do enough".  

That is what "Batman" does. I know it's a running inside joke that I am "Batman", but what people don't know is that I relate with him more and more all the time.  I play a character, I "wear a mask", I don't show my face, and I do it all so that others can feel safe, protected, cared for.  I am so thankful for the 95% of you guys who are soooo great about remembering that there is indeed a Bruce Wayne behind the Batman. You are so great at caring for me, reminding me to take care of myself, extending me patience and grace. And it truly is salve to the soul. Thank you for being amazing. I need you. There, I said it.  I. Need. You.  

Phew!! Didn't know it was gonna get so real today. Thanks for letting me spill, a little. Hope it wasn't too much of a bummer. I love you guys so much. I'd do just about anything for ya! Take care of yourselves this week and be good to yourself. And others. Be good to one another!!!   Much love, -B